Playing With Attraction

by
MELANIE SHAWN

Melanie Shawn © 2019

Kindle Edition

All rights reserved. This copy is intended for the original purchaser of this book. No part of this may be used or reproduced in any manner whatsoever without permission in writing from Melanie Shawn. Exceptions are limited to reviewers who may use brief quotations in connection with reviews. No part of this book can be transmitted, scanned, reproduced, or distributed in any written or electronic form without written permission from Melanie Shawn.

This book is a work of fiction. Places, names, characters and events are either products of the author’s imagination or used fictitiously. Any resemblance to actual events, locations, or persons, living or dead, is purely coincidental and not intended by the author.

Disclaimer: The material in this book is for mature audiences only and contains graphic content. It is intended only for those aged 18 and older.

Cover Design by Wildcat Dezigns

Book Design by BB eBooks

Published by Red Hot Reads Publishing

Rev. 1.0

Table of Contents

Title Page

Copyright Page

Chapter 1

Chapter 2

Chapter 3

Chapter 4

Chapter 5

Chapter 6

Chapter 7

Chapter 8

Chapter 9

Chapter 10

Chapter 11

Chapter 12

Chapter 13

Chapter 14

Chapter 15

Chapter 16

Chapter 17

Chapter 18

Chapter 19

Chapter 20

Chapter 21

Chapter 22

Chapter 23

Chapter 24

Chapter 25

Chapter 26

Chapter 27

Chapter 28

Chapter 29

Chapter 30

Chapter 31

Chapter 32

Chapter 33

Chapter 34

Chapter 35

Epilogue

Playing Dirty

A Note From Melanie and Shawna

Other Titles by Melanie Shawn

About the Author

CHAPTER 1

Cole

WEEK ONE

Are those toes?

I blinked several times and struggled to wake up. I had to force myself, and it was not an easy task. My head was pounding, and there was a distinct buzzing in my ears. My eyes were blurry, my lids felt like they’d been dipped in cement and my throat was as scratchy and dry as the Sahara.

Once my foggy-mirror-after-a-hot-shower vision started to clear, the great mystery was solved. Yes. Those were, in fact, toes not even an inch from my face, tipped by nails painted bright red.

Propping myself up on my elbows, I watched the foot—which had been resting on my chest—drop beside me. My gaze traveled down the toned leg the toes were attached to and found a gloriously naked woman draped over my left side. During my visual journey, flashes of the night before began playing in my mind.

I remembered meeting the blonde at Game Time, a bar that was right around the corner from my hookup apartment. She told me that she’d been a Cole Carson fan since I’d played in college. She asked me to put my John Hancock on her bare breast and, like the true gentleman I am, I obliged. After I’d penned my signature on her skin, she suggested that we, “get out of here.” I was more than happy to take her up on the offer.

If memory served, that was as far as the conversation went. We didn’t say more than ten words to each other before our clothes started coming off.

Honestly, I didn’t feel even a twinge of guilt for having no idea what her name was. We’d never made it to that portion of the meet and greet.

My morning wood twitched with awareness as my bed buddy rolled onto her back and stretched her slender arms over her head with catlike grace. Baby-blue eyes seductively locked with mine and I watched as she temptingly pulled her full bottom lip between her teeth.

The stretch caused her back to arch and caused her long, blonde hair to fall off smooth, tan shoulders like curtains opening to reveal two perfect breasts.

Damn. My mouth watered at the sight of those double Ds, a slim waist, and flared hips. Well, that took care of my bone-dry throat. Unfortunately, my head was still pounding, and the sporadic buzzing wasn’t going away, but I ignored them both for more pressing matters—specifically, the sex kitten who was purring and pressing her warm, soft body up against my side.

As I reached for her hips to pull her on top of me, she asked, “Are you going to get that? It just keeps going off.”

Her voice cut through the half-awake-half-asleep lust fog I’d been floating in. With new awareness, I sat up with a start. My phone. Everything clicked into place. That’s what the buzzing had been.

Looking over at the nightstand, I grabbed the device mid-buzz.

“What?” I answered before I even checked to see who was calling. Only close friends, family, and my agent had this number.

“Good morning, Sleeping Beauty. How about you drag your sorry ass away from the blonde and get it down to the stadium?”

I immediately recognized the voice of Sam Maddox, head coach of the Los Angeles Legends and my best friend.

My eyes cut to the aforementioned blonde. “How did you know I was with—”

“Lucky guess, lover boy. Hurry up. There are kids waiting on you.”

Maddox disconnected the call and I found myself trying to process what he’d said. Inside my head, it still sounded like a small army was marching across my brain, which did not make dissecting Sam’s riddle any easier.

Kids waiting? Why would kids be…? Oh, shit!

An e-mail scrolled through my mind’s eye like the NYSE ticker tape. Damn. I’d agreed, under duress, to show up at the launch for Legend Youth, a football program for at-risk and low-income kids, even though it started at eight a.m. on a Saturday. It was the brainchild of the team’s new public relations liaison, Josephine Walsh.

When Josie had sent out the request for participants in the program, I’d initially ignored it.

But then Maddox had informed me that, as the starting quarterback, I would be attending the first practice. It was a good look for the organization. The Legends had had some players suspended for bad behavior. I myself was featured on TMZ for my extra-curricular activities on a regular basis.

I hadn’t been all that excited about the program, but since I didn’t have a choice, I figured I’d look at the bright side. Namely, that it would earn me points with Josie. She’d been hounding me about cleaning up my image. Plus, I’d get to spend the day with Maddox. He’d been a mentor to me since I was drafted six years ago. At the time, he was the offensive coordinator, but he’d played pro ball for five years.

After setting the phone back down on the nightstand, I scrubbed my hands over my face as I calculated how much coffee I was going to need to shake this hangover so that I could handle forty screaming kids. A groan escaped me, because deep down I knew there was not enough caffeine in the world to face that many amped up preteen boys.

Why had I gone out last night? I should’ve just kept my ass at home and familiarized myself with the profiles of the kids I’d be working with on the practice field today. I should’ve gotten a good night’s sleep. At my house. Alone.

But instead of doing what I should’ve done, I’d gone to Game Time, gotten more than a little wasted, picked up a groupie, gone back to my hookup apartment for some fun, and basically taken a two-hour nap instead of getting a solid eight.

Fuck.

I sat up, swinging my long sluggish legs over the side of the king-sized bed. My body was not happy with the new position.

I’m getting too old for this shit.

I looked around the bare apartment that I used for casual encounters. As a pro athlete who valued my privacy, I never brought women back to my home. To call this place a bachelor pad would be generous. The space contained only a bed and a couch. There was no paint on the walls, no pictures hung, no life in this place—just bleakness. It was sterile and cold.

Letting out a sigh, I had what I’d heard my mom describe as a “light bulb moment.” The playboy lifestyle I’d been engaging in since high school didn’t really hold the appeal it once had. Random women. Partying every night. No commitments. No connections. Nothing real.

I used to thrive off of those things. Now, I just felt…empty.

It was a sobering thought considering there were only two things that I’d ever excelled at in life: women and football. Women had always come easy to me, whereas football had taken sacrifice, hard work, and dedication.

This year, unlike the past six, I’d been feeling restless since the season had ended. I’d never suffered from what I’d witnessed other players go through, I didn’t get depressed when I wasn’t playing. Sure, I’d always been happy to get back on the field, play, and be around my teammates. But when I wasn’t, I just concentrated on having a good time. A lot of easy, no-strings, good times.

I was beginning to think that my lifestyle was catching up to me. Physically, I felt like shit. Mentally, I was frustrated. And emotionally, I felt empty.

Running my fingers through my hair, I made an executive life decision: I needed to start doing things differently. No more late nights. No more nameless, meaningless encounters. I was done. I was going to make some serious changes. It was time to grow the fuck up.

Starting with getting my “sorry ass” down to the practice field and living up to my commitment. A new leaf—that’s what I was going to turn over. With a renewed sense of purpose, I pushed off the bed to stand up.

“Where you going?” Blondie asked as she slipped her hands around my torso and gripped my morning wood, stroking it with an impressive level of expertise.

I hissed through gritted teeth as I watched her slim fingers slide up and down my length, a whirlwind of arousal spinning through me from head to toe and obliterating my newfound sense of purpose.

I was already late. What would another hour hurt?

Tomorrow. My new leaf would be turned over tomorrow.

CHAPTER 2

Julianna

“How late are we going to be, Mom?” Anthony asked distractedly, never taking his eyes off the game he was playing on his phone.

I swallowed hard, pushing down the anxiety and frustration that was bubbling up inside me like water boiling in a pot. With one hand on the wheel and the other twisting my hair, I felt guilt wash over me as I glanced down at the clock on the dashboard and saw the time. We were almost two hours late. I’d called the contact number I had to let them know. The woman said that it was fine and not to worry, but I still felt bad.

“A little bit.” Normally, I didn’t make it a habit to lie to my son. But, since I’d just been through the morning from hell, I figured I’d give myself a break.

My Saturday had started with me oversleeping. My alarm had failed to go off, thanks to a rolling blackout that’d occurred sometime in the middle of the night. I’d woken on my own an hour after my alarm had been set, seen the time, got Anthony up, and we rushed around to get out the door.

Well, there had been a serious storm of curse words swarming around inside my head between all of that, but those were the main points.

We still would’ve made it on time but as we were leaving, the security company called me to come into the doctor’s office where I worked because the alarm had been tripped. Thankfully, it’d been a false alarm, but I still had to swing by and turn it off.

Then, after that’d been taken care of and we were headed to the stadium—I’d gotten a flat tire.

The good news was that I had a spare and was able to change it quickly. The bad news was that I noticed that my other three tires looked as bald as an eagle, so I would need to replace not just the flat tire, but the other three as well.

Which meant I had to figure out how to squeeze, oh, about seven hundred dollars out of my already overextended budget.

As we drove in bumper-to-bumper traffic—since this was Los Angeles and it didn’t matter that it was a weekend, there was always traffic—I’d been calculating how many catering jobs I’d have to take on to make the extra money.

Between my full-time job as a medical assistant and the part-time work I did from home as a medical transcriptionist, I barely had enough every month to cover my expenses. So, when anything like new tires came up, I took on catering gigs. Being a server had always been my go-to answer to making quick money while spending the least amount of time away from Anthony.

The condo we lived in was above my means, but it was worth the sacrifice and budgeting because it meant that Anthony was in a good school district and we were both in a safe neighborhood. The minimum payments I made every month on my student loans were not making much of a dent in my debt, but at least I was making them.

Still, most of the time, I felt like I was just treading water. I was constantly afraid that any change in the tide would drown me.

“Whoa!” Anthony’s eyes were huge, staring out the window as the enormous stadium came into view.

My heart smiled. I hadn’t seen my ten-year-old this excited…ever. Anthony loved football. He always had. I, on the other hand, had never seen the appeal and was less than thrilled about his affection for the sport.

Two weeks ago, I’d received a letter from Anthony’s fifth-grade teacher, Mr. Henson. It said that he’d been contacted by the Los Angeles Legends football organization, and they’d asked him to recommend kids he thought would be a good fit for the new program they were starting called, “Legend Youth.”

Not only had Mr. Henson submitted Anthony for the program, which would be running for six consecutive Saturdays, he’d also nominated him to receive a scholarship for the five-day camp that was happening in June, at the culmination of the six-week program.

Anthony had been accepted for both.

That news had been equal parts exciting and terrifying. Contact sports weren’t something I’d ever wanted for my son, but I knew I’d have to face it someday.

I’d just never thought that “someday” would be this soon.

Until two weeks ago, I’d been living under the illusion that I had a few more years before I’d have to see my baby boy get tackled. Sure, there were Pee Wee leagues that Anthony had wanted to join, but I’d always had to say no. They were just too expensive.

For this program, though, all I had been required to supply were cleats, which Anthony had found on clearance. Sometimes, I’ll be honest, it sucked that he was so smart. With the financial factor taken out of the equation, I knew that I had no choice about whether or not Anthony participated.

The only thing left to do was wrap my mind around the fact that Anthony was going to be hit, tackled, and possibly hurt—all in the name of a game he desperately wanted to play. Well, that and how to infuse a few hundred dollars into my budget this month for new tires.

I knew that, out of the two, figuring out how to buy the tires was going to be a lot easier than coming to terms with my baby playing tackle football.

Pulling up to the guard booth, I tried to put on a brave face and smile as I rolled down the window. “Hi. We’re here for Legend Youth. We’re a little late. Sorry.”

I knew that there was no reason to apologize to the guard, who I was pretty sure couldn’t care less about my scheduling difficulties. But my anxiety over Anthony playing was increasing by the second, and I tended to apologize when I got nervous. Apologize, twist my hair, bite my lip, and tap my foot. I had a plethora of tics to choose from.

The blond-haired, blue-eyed, surfer-looking guard leaned his muscular forearms on the door. Then his eyes shamelessly glanced down at my chest and then back up to my face. “And what’s your name?”

Seriously?!

I did not have time for this today.

“I’m Julianna Perez, and this is my son, Anthony.”

“Son?” The guard stood and lifted his brows.

“Yes. And we’re late, so if you could…” I motioned to the gate arm, which was blocking my car from entering the parking lot.

The guard stared at me for a few seconds and I was just about to tell him in no uncertain terms that I was not interested so if he could please just do his job, that would be great—when he said, “I need to see your ID.”

“Oh. Right.” I grinned to myself, feeling just a little embarrassed that I’d assumed he was still trying to hit on me. I grabbed my purse from the back seat and pulled my driver’s license out of my wallet.

When the guard took it from my hand, his fingers grazed mine unnecessarily and the embarrassment I’d felt an instant earlier evaporated. I tugged my arm back in the car. After checking the list he was holding, he held the card back out to me.

“Wow. I thought you were his sister or babysitter.”

I didn’t bother addressing the security guard’s not-so-keen observation—the same one I’d heard on a daily basis since Anthony was born. I was a young mom who looked even younger than my twenty-six years. People did not seem to be able to process that information, and they almost always felt the need to comment on it.

Placing both hands back on the steering wheel, I said a silent prayer that the arm would lift and I’d be able to drive through without any more small talk. Unfortunately, my prayer was not answered. It stayed in place.

Clearing his throat, the guard smiled. “Hey, I get off at four. Do you want to go grab a drink later?”

I had several pet peeves, but the peeviest of all the pets was when random guys hit on me in front of Anthony. It was such a low-life move.

Normally, I wore a fake diamond wedding ring to avoid these uncomfortable situations. Today, I’d been in such a hurry that I’d forgotten it.

“No, thanks,” I stated firmly. “We’re running late, so could you let us through?”

The guard’s brow scrunched as he looked at me like he genuinely couldn’t understand the words that were coming out of my mouth. His expression was as if I was speaking a foreign language.

Oh boy. Here we go.

Over the years and the hundreds, if not thousands, of advances I’d rejected, I’d observed something. There was a significant correlation between the attractiveness of the guy trying to spit game and his response to being turned down. The better looking they were, the longer it took them to come to terms with the fact that I wasn’t interested. It was as if their brains were literally unable to fathom the possibility that anyone, especially a single mom, wouldn’t jump at the chance to do whatever they wanted to do.

The day I had Anthony at the age of sixteen, Jared, my boyfriend of two years, and his very wealthy parents marched into my hospital room and signed full custody of Anthony over to me, relinquishing all parental rights. In that moment, my desire to date or be in any kind of a relationship died a swift and painful death.

I’d trusted Anthony’s father. He was my first love, my only love, and the day I’d given birth to our child, he’d walked out of my life.

Sure, I knew that Jared had been pressured by his parents. But he was eighteen at the time—an adult with means thanks to his padded bank account and trust fund.

I was sixteen, with no family, no support, no money, and nowhere to live. And the worst part was that he didn’t just desert me—he’d left Anthony too.

I’d had no one. Sadly, that was a pattern that seemed to play out over and over again in my life.

When I was five, my mom had dropped me off at my aunt’s house so that she could go party and “have a life.” Then, when I was sixteen and told my aunt I was pregnant, she’d kicked me out. I was basically a walking Dr. Phil episode.

Needless to say, I had trust issues.

“What about tomorrow night?” the guard persisted. Damn, he was not giving up.

I knew I needed to cut to the chase. Otherwise, we’d be here all day.

“No. Open the gate or I’ll speak to your supervisor,” I declared forcefully.

“Whoa.” Rearing his head back as if he’d been slapped in the face, the guard pressed a button. And as the arm lifted, he added in an irritated tone, “Park in lot B.”

“Thanks.”

Nerves popped like popcorn in my stomach as I entered the large parking area. My palms were beginning to sweat as I followed the signs to lot B. In my mind, Anthony was still a baby. How could he possibly be old enough to play a contact sport in a huge stadium?

“Mom?” Anthony’s voice snapped me out of my anxiety-ridden thoughts.

“Yeah, bud.” Glancing over to him as I parked, I saw Anthony’s big, brown eyes staring back at me.

“You don’t have to worry. I’m gonna be fine,” he assured me with more maturity than his ten years should’ve rightfully given him. The sincerity in his eyes melted my heart like chocolate in the summer sun.

“I know,” I said confidently, flashing a smile to try and disguise my fear. “I’m not worried.”

Tilting his head to the side, he gave me a look that made it clear he wasn’t buying my act.

“What?” I asked defensively, not appreciating being called out by my ten year old. “I’m not.”

“Yes, you are. You’re twisting your hair and biting your lip.”

Shoot. I hadn’t realized I was doing either of those things, much less both of them. Anthony knew all of my tells. I made a mental note to never enter a poker tournament if he was my opponent.

Still, it stood to reason. It had t been just the two of us his entire life, and although I’d done my absolute best to protect him from the times I was stressed or worried, he was a smart kid who picked up on things.

I’ll say it again. Having a kid with higher-than-average brain power is a freaking catch twenty-two.

“Sorry. I can’t help it,” I admitted, reluctantly coming clean.

“Try, Mom. Try,” he said, reaching for the door.

“Okay.” Taking a deep breath, I shook out my hands, attempting to release all of my pent up anxiety. Reaching in the back seat to get my laptop, I saw Anthony’s gym bag.

Despite Anthony being extremely bright, he would forget his head if it wasn’t attached to his neck. If I had a dime for every time he forgot his backpack or books at school, or at home—basically, anywhere that was the opposite of the place they were supposed to be—I wouldn’t have to work two jobs.

“Don’t forget your bag.” I worked really hard to keep the tension out of my voice as I said it.

“Thanks, Mom!” As Anthony opened the door to grab the forgotten gym bag, I told myself that everything was going to be okay.

Kids play sports all the time. Today is just another day. No. Big. Deal.

Yeah. I’m an excellent bullshitter. But even I’m not that good.

CHAPTER 3

Julianna

Anthony’s excitement was obvious, considering how he practically ran into the building. When I managed to catch up with him I saw that he was standing beside a stunning woman in a silk blouse, pencil skirt, and heels. She was one of those women that could wear a silk shirt and, through some kind of black magic unknown to mere mortals like me, not look like a wrinkled, wilting mess at the end of the day. She epitomized class and poise. Besides being gorgeous, every hair was in place and her makeup looked professionally applied.

I knew for a fact I wasn’t wearing sloppy sweats and stained tank top, but suddenly, somehow, I felt like I was.

Oh, well, I told myself. If this were one of my nightmares, I’d probably be in my underwear, and the first thing this perfectly put-together woman would do was inform me that I was currently late for a test I hadn’t studied for. So, yeah. All in all, net win.

“Hi. I’m so sorry we’re late. I’m Julianna Perez, and this is—”

“Anthony,” the woman finished, smiling warmly and shaking my hand. “I’m Josephine Walsh, I spoke to you on the phone.”

“Oh yes, nice to meet you, Josephine.”

“Please, call me Josie.”

Squaring my shoulders, I held my head high, fighting the overwhelming sense of frumpiness I was experiencing. Sure, fine, yes. I was wearing cut-off jean shorts and a tank top in the presence of this woman who looked and dressed like she could be a runway model…but Josie could not have been warmer or more welcoming, so I knew that any insecurity I was feeling was caused by my own issues.

Waving her hand dismissively, Josie assured me, “Don’t worry about being late. You only missed the breakfast and orientation. The boys are just heading out on the field now to warm up before they get their pads. Come on. I’ll take you both down there.”

The field. The words had the same effect on me as when I’d fallen out of our tree house when I was eight. They knocked the wind right out of me. I tried not to let my reaction show. Dammit, I would hold my smile in place or die trying.

Since I had the worst poker face ever, though, I was pretty sure that was a losing proposition. To compensate for the fear I was sure I was broadcasting, as enthusiastically as possible, I exclaimed, “Great!”

I knew I’d overshot my mark when Anthony gave me “the look.” The one that silently communicated, “Mom, you’re embarrassing me.”

As the three of us walked down a large corridor, I followed behind Josie and Anthony. They were chatting about school, and friends, and what Anthony’s favorite subject was. I couldn’t help but feel a sense of pride watching my son. I was a complete basket case, but he seemed as cool as a cucumber.

It was obvious he was excited, and I’d bet my bottom dollar that he wanted to run out to that field, but he was politely answering all of Josie’s questions, even making jokes about the reasons why we were late.

He really is such a great kid.

Turning the corner, we came face to face with two men. One was a tall, clean-shaven man wearing slacks and a LA Legends polo shirt. He had electric blue eyes, dirty blond hair and could’ve just walked off the pages of Esquire. The other was an equally tall, muscular man who looked vaguely familiar, dressed in sweats and a T-shirt.

As I looked at the man in sweats, a flittering sensation swirled low in my belly, and my chest felt constricted. The reaction took me completely by surprise.

I’d been out of the dating scene for a decade, and when I’d been in the dating scene, I’d been sixteen years old and it had consisted of studying after school together and then getting pregnant. So, yeah. Not the greatest scene.

I would’ve been hard-pressed to say what my type was—if I even had one. But if I did, the brown-haired, green-eyed, sweats-wearing one of the two wouldn’t have been the one I would’ve predicted my hormones would take notice of.

I definitely would’ve put my money on Esquire man to get my engine running. And, I would’ve lost that bet.

So, this morning I’ve not only had the realization that I’ll never be able to beat my own ten-year-old son at poker, but that I can’t even reliably bet on what my own pheromones will react to. So, yeah. Gambling might not be my thing.

My eyes drifted—independent of my brain—down Mr. Engine Starter’s gray T-shirt, which was just tight enough to showcase the rippling muscles of his arms beneath the soft cotton. The sight caused tingles to erupt like a volcano in the center of my body and spread like hot lava from the top of my head to the tips of my toes.

As if drawn like a magnet, my gaze was pulled south to his loose-fitting black sweats, which were in no way revealing, but still managed to make my mouth water like a dam had burst and my heart race so fast that I instantly grew lightheaded.

“I’m so glad you finally decided to join us,” Josie smiled, obviously teasing the man in sweats in a good-natured way.

“Sorry, Josie.”

The deep voice that sent a shiver dancing down my spine made my eyes snap up to the most perfect pair of lips, which were surrounded by sexy scruff that my fingers were itching to touch.

What is happening to me? I couldn’t believe what I was feeling. It was like my entire body had short-circuited with lust. I needed to reboot my system before I made a fool out of myself.

“Cole Carson,” Anthony spoke with the reverence I’d imagine he would have if he’d just came face to face with his favorite superhero, Batman.

Wait…Cole Carson…the quarterback. Right. That’s why the engine-revver looked familiar. Anthony had been so excited when he’d found out that his favorite quarterback on his favorite team was going to be at the practice today. He’d talked about it since he was accepted.

I’d seen the man’s picture on ESPN highlights and never felt any sort of way about him. Now seeing him in person, though, I was feeling all sorts of ways about him.

“Hey, bud. What’s your name?”

“Anthony.”

I watched as the football player gave my son a high five. The lines of muscle on his forearm were so perfect that he looked like he’d been carved out of stone. Actually, I was pretty sure that Michelangelo’s David had nothing on this man.

“And what’s your name?” Cole lifted his gaze to me.

When his light green eyes locked with mine, a rush of warmth filled my entire being. I opened my mouth to speak, but before I could get any words to come out, Anthony answered for me, still sounding awed by meeting his real-life hero.

“That’s my mom.”

The right corner of Cole’s mouth turned up and a deep dimple formed on his cheek and I almost passed out. Who knew a genetic muscle condition could make me lightheaded?

“Does your mom have a name?”

Between the dimple, the body, the voice, and those eyes, my world was spinning out of control like the twister at the beginning of The Wizard of Oz. I had a feeling that in this case, tapping my feet together wouldn’t be the magic solution to taking me home.

“This is Ms. Perez.” Josie stepped beside the two men, smiling warmly as she gestured first to the man in the slacks, then to the man who was threatening my very sanity. “This is Samuel Maddox, head coach of the Los Angeles Legends, and as Anthony pointed out, this is Cole Carson, starting quarterback.”

“Sorry.” I shook my head as my cheeks burned with embarrassment. I desperately needed to snap out of…whatever this was and get it together before my behavior crept into the “utter humiliation” range. Reaching out my hand, I gathered my wits as I spoke with a deceivingly strong voice. “Hi. It’s so nice to meet you. Please call me Julianna.”

“Nice to meet you, Julianna, and you too, Anthony.” The head coach shook my hand then Anthony’s.

“Julianna,” Cole repeated my name and the sound spread through me like a shot of whiskey. His mesmerizing green eyes locked with mine. Reaching out, he took my hand. His large fingers encased mine and his thumb brushed over my wrist as he spoke. “It’s very nice to meet you.”

Oh, boy. If spontaneous combustion were possible, I knew I was seconds away from bursting into flames. Not only was Cole’s touch hotter than anything I’d ever felt before, the look in the vivid, green pools of his heated stare was shockingly possessive.

After pulling—make that yanking!—my hand away as if I’d touched a hot stove, I anchored myself back in reality by placing my hand on Anthony’s shoulder. Nodding politely, I forced myself to turn my attention back to Josie and Coach Maddox, hoping that everything I was feeling wasn’t evident in my heated cheeks and general hot-and-bothered demeanor. To my great disappointment, I found them both staring at Cole and me, taking in everything that was transpiring.

Looks like it wasn’t just my prayers that weren’t being answered, my hopes weren’t coming true either this lovely Saturday morning. I made a mental note not to dream of anything today, because if the pattern continued, those suckers would be doomed, too.

As I stood there, feeling like an idiot and trying to harness the extreme reaction I was having to this complete stranger, Cole continued directing his intense stare at me.

Dammit, hot stranger, you’re not making this easy!

It was bad enough that I could see him out of my peripheral vision, but I could also feel his eyes on me as if his fingers were brushing my cheeks.

Cole Carson was Potent with a capital P. How did one man possess so much sex appeal, charisma, sex appeal, attractiveness, and…sex appeal? And did I mention sex appeal?

In an attempt to ignore my body’s response to Cole’s mere existence, I refocused my attention on the group and immediately became acutely aware of the heavy weight of awkward silence that’d settled over it.

The only upside was that I was almost positive my too-perceptive-for-his-own-good son was still in so much shock from meeting his favorite player that he was unaware of the tension between me and the quarterback.

Downside? I was fairly certain that Josie and the coach were fully aware of the situation.

Thankfully, the coach took pity on me and broke the uncomfortable standoff. “You ready to play some ball, Anthony?”

I was so grateful and relieved that, if I hadn’t already named my firstborn, I would’ve strongly considered naming him Samuel, or even Maddox, for that matter.

“Yeah!” Anthony’s earlier excitement had returned in full force.

Finally taking his eyes off me, Cole looked down at Anthony and tilted his head towards the double doors at the end of the long hall. “Let’s go.”

As they all headed down the hall, Josie stopped and turned toward me, her eyes filled with kindness and concern.

“You okay?” she asked.

“Yep,” I smiled, answering with a confidence I didn’t currently possess.

I was a lot of things at the moment, but none of them were okay.

CHAPTER 4

Cole

“She’s got a kid in the program. She’s off-limits, Carson.” Maddox slapped my shoulder.

Shit. I hadn’t been able to take my eyes off Julianna Perez all day. I’d been actively trying not to look at her, but I’d been failing miserably. Every few seconds my eyes automatically found her, and the second they did, a powerful combination of peace and desire flooded my system. Never before had a woman had that strong an effect on me.

It wasn’t just that Julianna was the perfect mix of two of the hottest women on the planet: Jennifer Lopez and Sofia Vergara. I mean, yeah—she was sexy as hell, there was no denying that fact. But that wasn’t the reason I was drawn to her. At least it wasn’t the main reason I couldn’t keep my eyes off her.

There was something about her that was different than anyone else I’d ever met, and I’d met a lot of people. She seemed innocent and vulnerable, while simultaneously putting off a capable-and-guarded demeanor.

It was driving me fucking crazy.

And that wasn’t even the worst part. When we’d shaken hands—before she’d snatched hers back so fast that I was having a hard time not taking it personally—I’d touched her skin. It was the softest thing I’d ever felt in my life. Then there was her smell. Damn, that woman smelled like an angel, and it made me think of all kinds of ways I wanted to sin with her. Then there was her—

“Carson,” Maddox barked, interrupting my thoughts.

I blinked and turned back towards him. “What?”

“Off. Limits,” Maddox repeated.

“I know.”

There was only one other person in the world I would let talk to me like that: my mother. Sam Maddox had earned a place of respect in my life that only my mom had ever held.

For the last six years, Sam had been my mentor, and over the time we’d known each other, he’d become one of my best friends, too. Plus, he was one of the most stand-up guys I’d had ever met.

When I’d been drafted by the Legends, Maddox and I had immediately clicked. He was the offensive coordinator at the time and he took me under his wing. He showed me the ropes of the game at the NFL level, and warned me about the pitfalls that came with being a professional athlete. He’d gone above and beyond for a backup rookie quarterback. I’d never forgotten it, and I never would.

Maddox clapped his hands. “All right. Bring it in and take a knee!”

I watched as all the boys, sweaty and out of breath, ran over to the sidelines. I stood beside Maddox as he told the kids that they’d done a good job today, and explained what they could expect over the next five weeks: the camp they’d be going to, and the awards ceremony that would be held a week after they got home from camp.

I was starting to zone out, my mind drifting to the dark-brown haired, golden-skinned goddess in the stands, when I heard my name.

“Let’s all thank Cole Carson for being here today. He won’t be here for the remaining—”

“Yes, I will.” The words flew out of my mouth like a bird bursting from a cuckoo clock.

Maddox whipped his head around, his eyes narrowed with suspicion. It was obvious that he knew exactly what—or who—my sudden burst of altruism had been inspired by.

I could see in his eyes that he was going to block the Hail Mary pass I’d just thrown him. He opened his mouth in what was sure to be a protest, but before he got the chance to speak, the boys erupted in cheers. I grinned and shrugged at him, knowing that he couldn’t veto my offer now that the kids were this excited about it.

“All right. Well, then, I guess we’ll see you next week!” Maddox announced loudly, and the boys all began dispersing. Then turning towards me, he stated flatly, “We need to talk.”

As I followed behind my coach and friend, I once again glanced up at Julianna, who was sitting in the stands, gathering her things. She’d been typing away on her laptop all day. Whatever she’d been doing hadn’t seemed to be keeping her interest though, because every few seconds, her head would rise and her eyes would scan the field.

Even from down on the sidelines, I’d been able to read the relief on her face every time she’d seen her son. At first, I’d thought she must’ve been worried that the kid was going to take off or something, but after Anthony had taken a particularly hard hit Julianna had shot out of her seat, and it clicked that she was just worried her son was going to get hurt.

It reminded me of my mom, who hadn’t wanted me to play football. She’d even forced me to play soccer until I was ten. But, after begging, bargaining, getting good grades, and doing every chore imaginable, I’d worn my mom down.

I’d been playing football for eighteen years now, and to this day, when I watched footage of games, whenever the camera cut to my mom, she still had the same look of worry and pride—the scales tipping heavily towards worry—she’d had from the first day I’d put the shoulder pads on.

It was the exact same expression I’d seen on Julianna’s gorgeous face all day.

The second we stepped inside the air-conditioned tunnel hallway, Maddox stopped up short. “What the fuck, man? Did you seriously just tell those kids that you were going to come here every Saturday just so you can hook up with one of the moms? Do you know how fucked up that is?”

“It’s not like that.” It was a weak defense, and one I couldn’t back up, but I had no idea what else to say.

Maddox still looked pissed as he stared at me for what felt like a full minute before asking, “What’s it like, then? Enlighten me.”

I shrugged and answered honestly. “I don’t know.”

He rolled his eyes. “Thanks for clearing that up.”

Defensiveness rose up in my gut. “What do you want me to say?”

Crossing his arms, he narrowed his gaze. “Tell me this. Would you have volunteered if you didn’t think that woman was going to be in the stands every Saturday?”

I briefly considered throwing out some bullshit line, like how I was doing it for the kids, but I’d always found that lying just made things worse. “No.”

Instead of getting pissed like I’d expected, Maddox shook his head as his mouth turned up in a small smile. “Damn. I didn’t think that I’d get to witness the day that the great Cole Carson got knocked on his ass by a female.”

My first instinct was to deny that that’s what had happened. I opened my mouth to refute his statement but nothing came out. Even if I’d been able to come up with some great line of bullshit, Maddox knew me too well for me to be able to BS my way out of this.

Plus, if anyone knew what I was going through, it was Sam. He’d been “knocked on his ass” by his late wife Kate. And although I hadn’t been there to witness it, since it happened when the two were in middle school, I’d heard that it hadn’t been pretty.

Sadly, Kate had died tragically three years earlier. Sam hadn’t dated since and I was starting to get worried he might never again. I’d tried to bring it up to him, but he’d made it clear the subject wasn’t up for discussion. In fact, he never talked about the loss at all, which made me worry even more.

“I can’t wait till the guys hear about this,” Maddox smirked.

“So. We good?” I asked, hoping that the opportunity to rib me in front of the team was enough leverage for him to accept me volunteering.

“As long as you show up on time and give a hundred percent for the kids, then yeah. We’re good.”

I knew enough to stop selling when I got the “yes.” I turned on my heels and was halfway down the hall when Maddox stopped me.

“Cole. Seriously. She’s got a kid, so you know she’s off-limits. Right?” he warned in a brotherly tone.

I nodded and continued back out to the field. I knew that she was a mom, that this wasn’t a good idea, and that I should stay away from her.

But I also knew that none of that mattered.

When I stepped back out on the field, I lifted my hand to block out the bright rays of sun. I saw that the field was deserted except for the volunteers who were picking up empty water bottles and abandoned towels. While walking over to the bench, I glanced over my shoulder at the spot that’d drawn my attention all day—the spot Julianna Perez had occupied. It was empty.

Disappointment filled my chest. Which was insane. I didn’t know this woman. She obviously came with baggage and complications—two things I was not a big fan of. I liked easy and uncomplicated.

Still, I found myself thinking about going after her and making some excuse about wanting to talk to her about Anthony.

Truthfully, the kid did have an arm, not to mention surprising control for his age and size. Today, he’d shined out on the field, and no one had come close to touching the accuracy and distance of his throws. His mom would probably want to hear those things. Right?

No. I wasn’t going to use the kid to get in with his mom. That wasn’t going to be how this would work. Some people may question whether or not I had a moral compass, but I did, and I knew that was out of bounds.

After taking a seat on the bench, I rested my elbows on my knees and dropped my head into my hands, raking my fingers through my hair. I shifted as I sat back up and my heel hit something solid. When I reached under the bench, I pulled out a black gym bag that had A. Perez sewn into the side.

See? Being a good person paid off.

I grabbed the bag and sprinted out to the parking lot, passing several stadium employees on the way, all of whom shot me strange looks. I didn’t make a habit of running down the halls of the stadium, but I figured they’d chalk it up to me being late and in a hurry. Being late was definitely in character.

Without breaking my stride, I looked back and smiled at them as I pushed through the glass doors. When I turned my head back around, before I made it outside I ran into Anthony and Julianna. Almost literally, in fact. They were headed back into the stadium.

Jackpot.

“Looking for this?” I held up the bag, immediately wanting to kick my own ass. Seriously? That was the smoothest line I’d been able to come up with? What the hell was wrong with me?

Anthony’s face lit up as I handed it over. “Yeah. I forgot it.”

“Thanks. We were just coming back for it.” Julianna’s eyes didn’t meet mine. Instead, her gaze bounced from the ground to her son and then over her shoulder to the parking lot. Then, with a small wave, she turned to leave after saying a quick, “Thanks again.”

Without getting the green light from my brain, my body acted independently as I yelled, “Wait!”

My outburst did the trick. She looked back at me with dark-brown eyes that were sprinkled with golden flecks. They widened with alarm beneath a blanket of inky lashes.

“What?” she asked.

Good question.

I tried to think fast and say something a lot smoother than, “Looking for this?” Usually, thinking on my feet was not a problem. I assessed situations and took action—it was part of what made me a good quarterback. As far as my game went with the opposite sex, well… I’d been accused of having a silver tongue with devil ears, not angel wings, more than once.

Apparently, Julianna Perez was the kryptonite to my mojo, because just being near her made me feel powerless. On and off the field, I’d always been a natural leader. Commander. Captain. I took charge, made decisions, and was always in control.

But around Julianna, I transformed into a speechless observer of my own life. I wanted to participate; I just had no idea how to get in the game. She was more than breathtaking; she was thought-taking, mind-taking, soul-takingly beautiful.

When her cocoa-colored gaze dropped, breaking the connection of our intense stare, I noticed something black smeared on her jaw, just below her cheek. Again, my body acted on instinct, not getting the okay from my brain. Lifting my hand, I brushed my thumb across it. It didn’t escape my attention that, as the pad of my finger grazed her silky soft skin, she sucked in a sharp breath and a light pink tint rose up her neck and spread across her face.

Knowing that my touch affected her, even if only a little bit, made me want to puff out my chest and pound on it caveman-style.

“You had a smudge,” I explained as I lowered my arm.

She shook her head slightly and covered the spot where my hand had just been with her own. Looking more than a little flustered, she stumbled over her words as the heated flush on her cheeks darkened. “Oh, yeah… It’s nothing… I just… It’s probably from…”

“When you changed the tire, Mom,” Anthony piped in.

“You changed a tire? Seriously?” My mom would’ve kicked my ass if she’d heard me say that sentence, and I would’ve deserved it. I hadn’t meant for my voice to sound so shocked, but she didn’t look like the tire-changing type. In fact, I was sure she must’ve had guys lining up to change her tire—or do anything else she could possibly need.

“Yes. I did.” Julianna lifted her chin high and her jaw tensed. She no longer seemed off-balance. The only heat in her face now was the flaming daggers shooting out of her eyes. Ones that I deserved.

Shit. Yep, that was exactly what my asshole reaction to her mechanic abilities had landed me in. A big, steaming pile of shit.

“Thank Mr. Carson for getting your bag, Anth,” Julianna instructed as she once again turned to leave.

“Thanks, Coach Carson!” Anthony held his bag up and quickly followed his mom.

“No problem.”

While Anthony smiled and waved, Julianna didn’t spare me another glance.

I watched as the duo walked away from me. Questions flooded my mind. Where was Anthony’s dad? What kind of home did they have? Was there a boyfriend? I hadn’t seen a ring on her finger, but that didn’t mean that she wasn’t in a relationship.

I didn’t know any of those things, but I knew one thing for sure—nothing in my life was going to be the same after today. Because now…I knew that Julianna Perez existed.

CHAPTER 5

Julianna

WEEK TWO

My eyes darted to the rearview mirror for at least the tenth time since we’d gotten off the exit to the stadium and I pressed my lips together nervously, not used to the slippery feeling of gloss on their surface. This morning, my beauty routine had been a fun game of do-over. I’d stood in front of my bathroom mirror, applied lip-gloss and mascara, washed it off, and then reapplied it. Then repeated that behavior two more times.

Tonight, I had a catering gig, so I could justify the fact that I was wearing makeup with circumstances: I’d barely have enough time to run home, change, and rush to my job once Anthony’s practice was over.

I could…but the only problem with that is that it would be a big, fat lie.

As many times as I told myself that it didn’t matter that there was a very good possibility I’d be seeing Cole Carson again today, I still hadn’t been able to convince myself of it. All week, I’d only been able to think about the quarterback who’d set my body on fire.

Never before had I met someone that I’d responded to on such a primal, cellular level. After trying to figure out why I’d been so affected by him, turning it over and over in my head, I’d finally come to the conclusion that his pheromone levels must’ve been off the charts. He must affect every woman he met like that. Yeah. It was the only logical explanation.

Last week, when I’d been up in the stands, I’d barely managed to get any work done. That wasn’t like me at all. Especially when I had lists to keep myself on track. Lists that were full of tasks that needed to be accomplished.

Normally, I would’ve been all about that. Uninterrupted hours where my only responsibility was to sit there and work? Are you kidding me? Hell, yes!

I loved lists. I loved tasks. I loved finishing tasks and checking them off lists. It was kind of a thing with me. At least, it usually was.

Focus had always been one of my greatest strengths, but it’d failed me completely last Saturday. I’d been so distracted, both by checking on Anthony and checking out Cole. More than once, during the check-out portion of my distraction, I’d found the sexy quarterback staring up at the stands. Right. At. Me.

Butterflies fluttered in my stomach at the memory of his stare.

“Mom, I need to get more toothpaste and I need binder paper.” Anthony said, never looking up from the game on his phone.

“Did you add it to the list?” I asked.

“No. What’s this?” Anthony turned his phone so that I could see the screen.

Slicing my eyes to the right, I saw a boat with a paddle sticking out of it and five lines beneath it. Returning my attention to the road, I told him, “Canoe. And I told you to add what you need to the list so that we don’t forget it.”

My life was structured. Very structured. Being a single mom who worked two, sometimes three, jobs didn’t leave a lot of wiggle room in the time or money departments. Something as simple as forgetting an item at a store could throw the delicate balance of our lives off.

“Okay,” he agreed distractedly as he typed the letters into Draw Something. Then he exclaimed in surprise, “You were right!”

Anthony regularly used me to identify pictures in his game at least a couple of times, whenever he played. It never failed to amuse me how shocked he was each and every time I had the right answers. Which I always did.

“Isn’t it cheating if I tell you the answers?”

“No,” Anth said, as if that were the most ridiculous thing he’d ever heard. “I’m just playing the game, not another person.”

“So…am I, like, your lifeline?” I asked.

“My what?”

“Your lifeline, like on Who Wants to be a Millionaire.”

A quick glance over at Anthony and his furrowed brow told me that he had no idea what I was talking about.

“Never mind.”

Putting the phone down, Anthony looked out the window as the stadium came into view. “Last week, when we were doing drills, Cole said that I had a good arm.”

“That’s great, Anth!”

And there it was. The other reason I hadn’t been able to go more than a few minutes without Mr. Sexy Football Man flitting through my head: Anthony had not stopped talking about him. He’d said that Cole had helped him by showing him where to hold his hand on the football, the correct way to tackle someone, how to block someone… The list went on and on.

The thing was, it was totally normal and healthy for my ten-year-old son to be constantly obsessing over meeting his hero and getting to be coached by him. In fact, that was the response you would expect in that situation.

What was not the correct response for a twenty-six-year-old single mom who was the sole support of her son and worked multiple jobs and had to maintain strict focus to keep all the plates spinning, thankyouverymuch, to be daydreaming, night dreaming, all-the-time dreaming about that same person.

Especially after said person had made it clear that he doubted the single mom’s ability to even change a tire. I may not know what my type was, but I sure as hell knew what it wasn’t, and male chauvinist, playboy athletes topped that list.

Still, none of that had stopped me from spending several hours googling Cole Carson. That behavior was neither healthy, nor normal. It was obsessive and freaking borderline stalker status type of stuff.

I’d been so embarrassed when my neighbor—and unofficial best friend—Megan had stopped by to bring back a bowl she’d borrowed. She’d seen my computer screen filled with images of the quarterback. So, I’d lied and said that I’d just been trying to get a little more information on Cole because he’d be coaching Anthony for the next five weeks—and I was kind of surprised my nose hadn’t grown like Pinocchio.

Pulling up to the guard gate, I inwardly cringed when I saw that surfer boy was there again. Today, I was prepared. My ID was ready to go, and I hoped that the chitchat would be minimal.

“Morning,” I said, keeping my voice even as I handed the security guard my driver’s license.

A slow smile built on the guard’s face. When he spoke, it was languid and drawn out. “Good morning.”

Right. So this wasn’t going to go as smoothly as I’d hoped.

“Wow.” Tapping the license against the clipboard he was holding, the guard shook his head. “How did you do that?”

I tried not to jump to any conclusions. Maybe, just maybe, this wasn’t the beginning of a lame pickup line. I stifled a sigh and, with herculean effort, kept the resignation out of my tone. “Do what?”

“Manage to be even more beautiful than I remember you being, especially since I have a very good memory.”

Then you should remember that I turned you down.

“My name is Chad, by the way.”

And I care because…?

“Hi, Chad.” I was not about to tell him that it was nice to meet him because it wasn’t.

“What are you doing tonight?”

“Working.” I was tempted to add that it wouldn’t matter if I was free as a bird because there’d be no way I’d fly anywhere with him. Ever.

“What about tomorrow night?”

This guy was not going to give up.

“Look, Chad, I’m not interested in going out with you. I just need to get my son to practice.”

“All business, huh? I like that.” The gleam in Chad’s eye told me that this was not over.

Why did guys take me shutting them down as a challenge? They treated me like I was one of Anthony’s video games, and all they had to do was learn how to play me to get to the next level.

Thankfully, a loud honk sounded, interrupting Chad’s turn. Glancing in the rearview mirror I saw that a line of cars filled with parents and kids had formed behind me. After a second, longer honk, Chad quickly handed back the ID and raised the arm.

As soon as I rolled my window up, Anthony asked, “Why do guys always have to talk to you like that?”

My heart sank. I hated that Anth was subjected to these idiots’ come-on lines. At least Chad’s had been G-rated. When they got into R or worse territory, the questions Anthony had were a lot more difficult to answer.

“They just think they like me,” I explained.

“They don’t even know you.”

“I know. That’s why I said they think they like me. Haven’t you ever liked a girl as more than a friend?” I’d never brought up the “girl” topic before—mainly because I still thought of Anthony as my baby. The truth was that he’d be in middle school next year. He wasn’t a baby anymore.

“Yeah, but I know her.”

Her?! Wait. What?! Her, who?!

That was not the response I’d been expecting. Girls are gross. Girls have cooties. No, I’ve never liked a girl. Those were the responses I’d anticipated.

“You like someone?”

“Yeah. My girlfriend,” Anthony said as plainly as if he’d just told me that the sky was blue or the grass was green.

My mind was screaming, My son has a girlfriend?! However, I knew that if I wanted Anth to talk to me about this stuff, the last thing I should do was freak out.

Calm. I needed to stay calm.

“I didn’t know you had a girlfriend,” I managed to say as I pulled into a parking spot. And I was able to get through it without crying or hyperventilating, either!—a feat for which I was pat-on-the-back proud of myself.

Anthony shrugged as he opened the door. “You never asked.”

“Don’t forget your bag,” I reminded him before he made it out of the car. When Anthony opened the back door to grab his bag, I asked, “What’s her name?”

“Cassidy. From my class.”

Relief washed over me like a cool breeze on a hot day. Not only was Cassidy a sweetheart, but she was also really smart. I wasn’t thrilled at the idea of my ten-year-old son having a girlfriend, but he could do a lot worse than Cassidy.

Still, I had some questions. “How long as she been your girlfriend?”

Anthony pulled the strap on his bag up as we made our way across the parking lot. “Since the Valentine’s Day dance.”

That was three months ago! You’ve had a girlfriend for three months? How did I not know that?

Deep breaths.

I wasn’t sure if this question would be the one that would cause him to shut down, but I wanted to know. “What do you like about her?”

He was quiet for a minute, and I figured I’d stepped over the invisible it’s-none-of-your-business-Mom line. I’d just decided to drop it—for now—when he answered.

“She’s funny and really good at math. I like her eyes and her hair. Plus, she smells good.”

“Oh.” I nodded, trying my best not to reveal the emotion that was welling up inside me. I knew it was silly, but I’d almost cried because he’d listed “funny” and “good at math” before anything physical. That was my boy.

As we walked onto the field, a couple of the other kids from the program saw Anthony coming and waved him over.

“Bye, Mom!” he called out as he ran to join his teammates on the sidelines.

I scanned the field and felt a distinct stab of disappointment when I didn’t see Cole. I made my way to where I’d sat last week and pulled out my laptop. My mind was swimming with the bombshell Anthony had just dropped. I knew he was growing up, but in the past week, he’d started playing contact sports and informed me that he had a girlfriend. It was a lot for my mom psyche to work through.

Beads of sweat were already forming on the back of my neck as I flipped my computer open. It was only May but the heat was no joke, and even though it was barely nine a.m., the sun was beating down full force. After taking off my flip-flops, I stretched my legs out on the bench in front of me so I could take advantage of working outside and get some color on my legs, which were a little pale from winter.

As I waited for my computer to boot up, a tingle ran down my spine and my stomach rolled like it was Tina Turner going down the river. A hormone-induced sixth sense washed over me and I knew Cole was there, and that he was looking at me. My heart rate sped as I lifted my head in slow motion. When my eyes immediately locked with his like a heat-seeking missile, the sizzling connection between us was hotter than the southern California sun in the middle of summer.

Today, Cole was wearing an LA Legends hat, black running shorts, and a sleeveless white T-shirt. The lines of defined muscle on his arms had all kinds of scenarios running through my mind. What would it feel like to be in those arms? To touch those arms? To kiss those arms?

Fiery need lit deep in my core. Cole inspired instantaneous, raging-inferno-style flames of desire to ignite in me, and I truly didn’t understand it. But what I did understand was that if I acted on whatever heat I was feeling, it’d be playing with fire, which meant there was a very real possibility I’d get burned. So I needed to stay away from him.

Cole Carson should come with a warning label: Too Hot to Handle.

CHAPTER 6

Cole

“So, you said your mom works at a doctor’s office?” I asked casually. I was sitting beside Anthony while we watched Maddox run some final drills with the B team. Anthony was on the A team, whose members were all drinking Gatorade and eating orange slices on the sidelines. It felt like a good time to do a little recon.

“Yep,” he answered.

All day, I’d been slipping in questions about the woman who had hijacked my thoughts and dreams for the last week. In the process, over the past eight hours, I’d gotten to know a lot about the boy who was sitting next to me. Even though, I had to admit that at first, I’d just been asking the kid questions about himself so it wouldn’t be as obvious when I asked about his mom. But before too long, I’d found myself really enjoying getting to know Anthony for himself.

The kid was smart, funny, and a lot more mature than the other kids in the program. It didn’t surprise me at all when Anthony told me that he got straight A’s. Or that he had a girlfriend, who he’d apparently only told his mom about this morning. He said she took it okay, for a mom. I got it.

“She also copies medical records at home and sometimes works parties as a waitress.”

Three jobs.

I knew there’d been something different about her, and every piece of information I got from Anthony told me that my instinct had been right. Now came the question I’d been waiting all day to ask. I just hadn’t had the right opening. But this was my last chance—practice would be over in five minutes.

“What does your dad do?”

Anthony looked up at me and I couldn’t tell what he was thinking. As the kid stared at me, I started feeling like a grade-A asshole. Maybe I wasn’t being as slick as I’d thought. Anthony probably saw right through me for the slimeball I was.

After several beats, Anthony looked back at the field. “I don’t have a dad.”

“Oh.” I let out a breath of relief.

Obviously, I knew that Anthony did have a dad. He hadn’t been conceived via Immaculate Conception. But it sounded like the sperm donor wasn’t in the picture. Anthony hadn’t mentioned one thing about him all day.

“So, it’s just you and your mom?”

“Yep.” Anthony’s open, easygoing demeanor had turned guarded and shut off.

“When I was growing up, it was just me and my mom, too,” I confided in the kid, even though I never talked about my upbringing.

It wasn’t that I was embarrassed about it—it was the opposite. I was protective. I’d been the man of the house from the time I’d been old enough to understand what that responsibility meant, which was probably exactly what Anthony felt.

“Really?” Anthony’s big, brown eyes—which were the spitting image of his mom’s—peered up at me. “You didn’t have a dad or brothers and sisters?”

“Nope. My dad left when I was a baby, and my mom never had any more kids.” I wanted to say more, but practice ended before I got the chance.

While standing next to Maddox as he gave his post-practice pep talk, I thought about everything I’d learned about Julianna from Anthony.

She’d had her son when she was sixteen. She didn’t have any family helping her. She was close with her neighbor Megan—who had two little girls, Chloe and Cameron. The neighbor was Anthony’s only babysitter because his mom didn’t trust strangers. Julianna worked three jobs while raising a kid who was funny, well adjusted, and a straight-A student.

Oh, and not only could she change a tire, she could also change the oil, and she was quite the handyman—or, in this case, handywoman—around the house. Anthony said that there was nothing his mom couldn’t fix, and I believed the kid.

That was just what was on paper. Anthony had also inadvertently given me a glimpse into his mom’s personality through the stories he’d told. I’d learned that Julianna loved lists. She made lists for everything. She never complained, and when Anthony did, she would start naming things he could be grateful for. Which understandably frustrated Anthony, but I thought was pretty fucking amazing.

She bit her lip, twisted her hair, and tapped her foot when she was stressed. Whenever they had a bad day or one of them was upset, she would put on ’90s R&B music and they’d have a dance party. All of that and she was so damn beautiful that I felt like I couldn’t breathe when I looked at her. Like her beauty sucked all of the oxygen out of my lungs.

I had always lived by the belief that, if something seemed too good to be true, it was. But I was starting to think that Julianna Perez might just be the exception to that rule.

“Bring it in!” Maddox yelled.

I put my hand in the circle and counted off,” One, two, three!”

The kids yelled, “Go Legends!”

As the kids dispersed, a vibration went off in my pocket. I pulled my phone out and saw a text from my teammate, Xavier, asking if I wanted to head down to Game Time tonight. I sent back the same answer I’d given all week.

Cole: Not tonight.

Then I smiled when my phone immediately buzzed again.

Xavier: Are you sick or something?

Yeah. I had a sneaking suspicion I was sick. Love sick.

Since the moment I’d laid eyes on Julianna Perez, other women hadn’t existed to me. I hadn’t gone out or hooked up in seven days. Which, for some guys, might be normal, but for me, was a damn record.

After letting Xavier know I was fine, I put my phone back in my pocket and jogged to catch up with Anthony and Julianna, who were headed out to the parking lot.

“Hey. You did really great today, Anthony,” I said as I caught up to them.

“Thanks!” Anthony enthused.

Julianna smiled but kept walking. If I wasn’t mistaken, she even picked up the pace.

“Are you guys free tonight? We can go grab a pizza and I can go over tips for memorizing the playbook.” The irony was not lost on me that last week I’d thought that using football and Anthony to try to spend time with Julianna was out of bounds, but it seemed that this week my desire to get to know this woman trumped my conscience.

“Mom? Can we?” Anthony looked up at his mom with big puppy-dog eyes that I knew I’d never be able to say no to.

Julianna did not have that issue. “Sorry, bud. I have to work. You’re hanging out with Megan and the girls.” She shook her head as she walked away even faster, with just a quick glance over her shoulder. “But thanks for the offer.”

Her actions made it clear that she had zero interest in spending any time with me. Knowing when to retreat, I stopped walking and watched as the pair made their way across the parking lot. When I saw them get into an old Civic that appeared to be on its last legs, I had to stop myself from racing after them and giving them the keys to my Range Rover. I had several other cars and would feel better if they were in a safe vehicle. But even in my new line-crossing state, I knew that would be inappropriate.

Despite that, I still wanted to tell Julianna that she didn’t need to work three jobs. That I would take care of anything they needed. And that desire scared the shit out of me.

I’d avoided any kind of responsibility as long as I could remember. Other than my mom and teammates, I answered to no one. I’d never even been in a serious relationship. So why in the hell did I feel responsible for a kid I barely knew and a woman who didn’t want to give me the time of day?

This was insane. I needed to get a grip. Maybe I’d go out tonight after all. I pulled out my phone and sent a text to Xavier.

Cole: See you at six.

CHAPTER 7

Julianna

WEEK THREE

I hadn’t realized how much playing the ‘Is he looking? Oh, he is!’ game had occupied me the past couple of weeks. I’d been totally content to sit on uncomfortable bleachers and roast when I’d been one-way flirting with Cole Carson.

The unforgiving heat of the midday sun beat down on me. I was doing my very best not to look over at Cole, but it was proving to be very difficult. Unlike the past two weeks, when nearly every time I glanced his way, he was looking up at the stands where I was sitting, today his head hadn’t turned in my direction even one time. Not that I would’ve been able to tell if he was looking at me since he was wearing sunglasses, but still.

As I worked on my laptop, I wondered if his change in behavior might be due to me not taking him up on his offer for pizza. But after hours of serious contemplation I’d come to the conclusion that I was being ridiculous.

Chances were, the first two weeks of practice he hadn’t even been looking at me. It was probably just a coincidence that he was glancing up when I happened to be looking down. And after a serious reality check, I realized there was no way he’d given the pizza offer a second thought.

He was Cole Freaking Carson. I didn’t believe everything I read, but the photographic proof alone was enough for me to know that he had a very active social life. Why would he care about having pizza with me and Anth?

I’d reached a logical conclusion, but I still couldn’t get the nagging feeling that there was a connection between us, and that he’d been disappointed that I’d said no to pizza. Even though I kept reminding myself that he was Cole Carson. Single. Rich. Gorgeous. Athlete.

I was doing my best to talk myself out of believing that there’d been a spark between us when a text popped up on my screen from my neighbor and friend.

Megan: Are you sure you don’t want some company? I wouldn’t mind doing some in-person research on Cole Carson for myself.

I smiled, knowing she was messing with me. Megan was happily married to her high school sweetheart. Robbie was an LA Sheriff who’d been featured on several calendars for fundraisers. Megan loved to give him a hard time about being a centerfold, she got a kick out of it. She loved that her husband was so hot he’d been chosen as the cover model on two editions because the publishers had thought his image would sell more calendars.

Julianna: Sure, it’s about a hundred degrees out so bring the sunscreen.

Megan avoided the sun at all costs. She had the porcelain skin of a china doll, with big blonde curls and huge blue eyes. Both of her daughters were towheads, too. They’d all roast in the sun.

Not to mention, babies and kids didn’t normally do well when they were hot, thirsty, and miserable, which I was so I knew that little ones would be.

Megan: Damn you and your melanin.

She added three shaking fists emojis. I responded with the hair flick emoji. Sometimes Megan and I could have entire threads consisting of nothing but emojis. That concerned me for the next generation. When had emojis become an accepted form of communication?

Megan: What’s he wearing?

I sent her a GIF of Jim Carrey as Vera De Milo in a bikini on In Living Color. GIFs might be as damaging to the minds and development of our youth, but no one was going to convince me to stop using them. They brought me too much joy. Give me GIFs or give me death.

She sent back a laugh-cry emoji.

I’d sent the image as a joke but honestly, even if Cole was wearing a ridiculous electric blue two-piece, he’d still be sexy as hell.

I continued working, doing my best to ignore the man I was now picturing in tiny scraps of material. Determined not to glance his direction one more time today, I pulled up my Saturday list and saw that if I didn’t buckle down and get serious, I’d either have to work after my catering job tonight, or tomorrow on Sunday. I did my best to keep Sundays totally work-free.

Sometimes I couldn’t help it when work slipped into Sunday, but this was not one of those times. If I just stopped acting like a high school girl with a crush on the quarterback, then I’d be able to get all my transcribing done and have tomorrow off.

I’d just gotten into a rhythm when a chorus of giggles interrupted my roll. I looked down on the field and saw a group of moms gathered around Cole. The boys were on a water break and it looked like the women had taken advantage of the downtime.

I couldn’t hear what they were saying, but I saw that he was smiling and taking pictures with the group. The women kept touching him, brushing their hands on his forearms, and even his biceps. It all appeared to be conversational, innocent contact, but it still gave me an uneasy feeling.

It took me a second to identify what I was feeling. At first I thought it was jealousy, but I quickly realized that I didn’t feel the least bit envious of the football moms that were shamelessly flirting with the quarterback.

After a few more minutes of watching the women fall all over themselves it hit me: I didn’t like that he was being put in the position of dealing with them.

My reaction to him being flirtily accosted by the Horny Moms Club was even more ridiculous than me thinking he’d gotten upset that I hadn’t agreed to pizza last week.

Heck, maybe he loved it. Maybe he liked being fawned over and touched. He was a grown man who was perfectly capable of taking care of himself, but I felt protective of him. I honestly wanted to march down and save him from the cougars surrounding him.

This was rising to delusional levels. I needed to snap myself out of this. I only knew one way to do that: play out the best and worst case scenarios.

Cole Carson and I didn’t have any sort of connection, but let’s just say we did. Let’s say in some crazy upside down world, Stranger Things plot twist in my life, he wanted to be with me. Then what? We would date.

“Bah!” A burst of laughter fell from my lips and I looked around to make sure that no one saw me laughing to myself.

I could never date Cole Carson. I had no plans to date anyone, but a professional football player with more notches on his belt than Mick Jagger was definitely not happening.

Anthony needed structure and stability, and athletes weren’t really known for those qualities. And I’d never let someone into my life, or Anthony’s, if I thought there was a possibility they’d make him feel the way I’d felt growing up. I would never let Anthony feel the pain of someone walking out on him—let alone his hero.

In the decade since I’d had Anthony, I hadn’t been the slightest bit interested in or attracted to anyone. This little break from regularly scheduled programming was probably just because it’d been so long since I’d been with anyone.

I’m lonely, I reasoned with myself. I’m not actually interested in the starting quarterback of the Los Angeles Legends.

That pep talk lasted about two seconds until I looked down at the field and saw Cole fixing Anthony’s shoulder pads and my ovaries exploded.

Okay, so I have a crush. People get over crushes.

Yeah. We’d see.

CHAPTER 8

Cole

“One, two, three,” I counted off.

“Legends!” the kids shouted as their arms flew in the air.

“Bye, Coach!” Anthony waved as he ran to the bleachers, where I was sure that his mom was waiting. Not that I’d looked.

I made it the entire practice without so much as glancing in her direction. I hadn’t stopped thinking about her, but I’d managed to stop looking at her.

As I walked back through the player’s entrance to the practice field, my phone vibrated.

I’m here. U free 2night?

It was from Minka Riley, an actress I spent time with whenever we were both in town. We’d dated off and on since I got drafted six years ago. We were never anything official, but she was the longest relationship that I’d ever had. We’d go months, sometimes even a year, without talking. Then she’d hit me up and I’d go to her house and spend the night or the weekend, depending on our schedules. Then it might be months or even a year before I’d see her again.

I was always happy to hook up, we enjoyed each other’s company, and there were never any strings. It was the perfect arrangement.

She’d been out of the country shooting a trilogy for ten months. I started to type back yes, but my thumbs stilled over the phone.

Fuck.

When I’d gone to Game Time last week with Xavier, I’d left after one drink and gone home alone. And I’d stayed home every night since. Now Minka was hitting me up and I couldn’t even respond to her.

This was even worse than I’d thought.

I’d chalked leaving Game Time alone and not wanting to go out as part of me turning over my new leaf. Sure, I’d decided that I was done with random hookups, but Minka wasn’t random. I liked her. We had history and we always had fun.

And, still, I had no desire to see her.

Because of Julianna? A woman I didn’t even know? That didn’t make any sense.

My inner crisis was interrupted when I heard the click-clack of heels coming toward me and looked up to see Josie walking with purpose. Not that she ever walked with anything else. This woman was all business, all the time. Some of the guys on the team called her the drill sergeant. Not to her face, of course. None of us admitted it, but we were all a little scared of her.

“You ready?” she asked. No pleasantries, no hi how are you. She didn’t waste time on any of that.

“For what?”

“Your Facebook live,” she answered as she scrolled through her phone. “I emailed you two days ago.”

Shit. I really needed to start opening her emails. If I had, I probably could’ve gotten out of this. Now I figured it was too late to bail.

“Come on. You’re going live in five minutes.” She turned and I fell in step beside her. “I’ll feed you the questions and remember—”

“No cussing,” I interjected.

The organization always encouraged players to have as clean a public image as possible, but it was especially pressed upon us when we were representing the team in any capacity that had anything to do with kids.

“I was surprised when Sam told me that you were going to be here every Saturday. You had no interest in taking part in Legend Youth when I initially approached you. What changed your mind?”

I had a feeling that she already knew the answer to that, although, I had no idea how.

“The kids,” I lied.

“Really?” She scrolled on her phone. “It has nothing to do with the moms?”

Fuck, how did she know? Maddox was the only one who even had a clue, and he wouldn’t have said anything to Josie. She wasn’t exactly the enemy, but she was definitely on a need to know basis, and no way in hell he would’ve thought she needed to know this.

“Nope. Just the kids.”

“So this was about the kids?” She stopped walking and turned her phone to me and I saw the pictures that I’d taken with a few of the kid’s mom’s during practice that day. They’d posted them on Instagram. They were hanging all over me and one of them even kissed my cheek. But none of them were the reason I’d volunteered my time.

It was a good feeling being called out for something I hadn’t actually done wrong. Kind of a nice change of pace. “They were fans. Should I have told them I wasn’t going to take pictures with them? Then they would’ve posted what an asshole I was.”

She stared at me for a moment before saying, “Fine. But just so we’re clear. Moms in the program fall under the same guidelines as cheerleaders. No fraternization. This is an outreach program. I don’t want it getting sullied by innuendo or even the appearance of favoritism or impropriety. Let’s keep it about the kids.”

“Got it.” I nodded and she continued walking.

I definitely wanted to fraternize, and do all sorts of improper things with Julianna, but since she had zero interest, I didn’t think it was going to be a problem.

“I’m assuming you didn’t go over the talking points.”

“You know what they say about people that assume,” I paused and then continued “but in this case you are definitely not an ass.”

“So that just leaves you,” she shot back.

I grinned.

She rattled off a list of things I needed to make sure that I covered before we entered the pressroom.

“Sit there.” She pointed to the wall that had the LA Legends logo on it and bench seat in front of it.

“Yes, ma’am,” I saluted her as I took my seat and greeted the cameraman. “Hey, Pete.”

“Hey,” he nodded towards me.

“How are Lindsey and the baby?” I knew his wife had just given birth but I had no idea if they’d had a boy or girl.

“They’re good.” A smile that reached his eyes instantly covered his face.

“What about you? How’s dad life?”

“It’s the best thing I’ve ever done. It’s a lot of work, and I haven’t slept in three months, but…she’s perfect.” Pete wiped his thumb and forefinger beneath his eyes, sniffed, pulled his hat down lower, and started adjusting the camera angle.

I’d never seen Pete get emotional before in all the years I’d known him. In fact, he’d always reminded me of an old school, blue collar, union man. He was a ball buster who worked long hours, never complained, and didn’t take any shit from anyone.

Kids changed people.

A lot of my teammates and friends from college were at the stages in their lives when they were starting families. I’d never really given it much thought. It wasn’t that I didn’t want to be a dad, I’d just been so concentrated on my career that I never stopped to consider it.

But as I sat there waiting to go live, I found that it was all I could think about. It was like a slideshow was playing in my head, one without a pause button. I pictured myself rushing my wife to the hospital. I saw her giving birth with me by her side, holding her hand. I envisioned sleepless nights, birthdays, teaching my kid how to ride a bike.

And in this make believe future—the one I’d never given a second thought to before now—a certain mom that sat in the stands driving me absolutely crazy was by my side.

I’d been told that she was off-limits by my coach, my publicist told me that I could not fraternize with her, and she herself wouldn’t even agree to let me take her to pizza…and yet here I sat, entertaining fantasies about having babies with her.

I wasn’t sure what was going on with me, but I knew one thing—every time I thought about Julianna Perez, I smiled. And out of all this, that was what scared me the most.

CHAPTER 9

Julianna

WEEK FOUR

Today wasn’t the worst day of my life, but it was definitely in the top ten.

After Anthony’s practice, I’d let him talk me into running through the sprinklers. It was in the low hundreds and on the way back to the car, he’d begged then dared me into running through the cool water with him.

I was tired, hot, and knew that I had to get home to get ready for my catering job. But I also knew that he wouldn’t be ten years old wanting to run through sprinklers with me forever, so I did it. The only problem was, when I set my bag down to join him, I must’ve set it in a puddle, because when I got home and tried to boot up my laptop, it wouldn’t come on.

I was hitting the power button, on the verge of tears, when there’d been a knock at the door. I answered it to find surfer boy Chad on the other side. He’d followed me home. I’d have to change his mental nickname to stalker boy Chad.

I wasn’t sure what the hell he’d been thinking. I asked him to leave and he wouldn’t. Thankfully, though, Megan made it a habit of looking out her window checking on me. I teased her that she was my very own Gladys Kravitz, but since she’d never seen Bewitched it fell flat.

Well, today I was supremely glad that I had my very own nosy neighbor, and that that neighbor’s husband happened to be an LA Sheriff, who happened to be home. Robbie spoke to Chad and felt sure the kid wouldn’t be returning.

Between the broken computer and the Chad situation, I’d been thirty minutes late to my catering gig. The event had run long, so what should’ve been a three hour job had turned into five hours. But now, I was finally on my way home to put this day and myself to bed.

I could barely keep my eyes open as I tried to focus on the road. This was my fourth catering job in the past week. I reeked of vinegar because a tipsy partygoer tripped over his own feet, sending his full plate flying through the air before it landed on my shoulder and then slid down my shirt and pants. And the cherry on top of the disaster-of-a-day sundae was, thanks to a new policy at Grand Affairs, the catering company I’d worked at for eight years, I now had to pool my tips. Which meant that, even though I’d made over two hundred dollars in tips, I’d walked away with less than eighty courtesy of my fellow servers’ less than stellar contributions.

Thankfully, I now had enough money to replace my tires and get the new transmission I’d been informed I needed when I went to get my oil changed last week. But, with the new policy, this job no longer made sense. Once I took out gas and the twenty dollars I insisted on paying Megan, it was not worth my time away from Anthony. Monday morning, I decided, I would look for a different company to work for; one I could actually make the kind of money I needed to pay for things like tires, new transmission, and new computers.

As frustrating as today had been, I reminded myself that I had Anthony, a steady, good-paying job, a vehicle, a roof over our heads, and we both had our health. Life might be hard sometimes, but that was a lot more than a lot of people had.

I’d always tried to practice having what my second-grade teacher, Mrs. Finn, called an “attitude of gratitude.” Mrs. Finn had drilled a glass-half-full mentality into the class, and she’d also given us tools to live our lives by that philosophy. One of those tools was to list the things you were grateful for whenever you started feeling sorry for yourself, or the grass started looking greener on the other side.

I’d made it through some pretty tough times in my life using Mrs. Finn’s techniques. I’d tried to pass those tools onto my son, but Anthony didn’t seem quite as receptive as I’d been to them. Although, to his credit, he did humor me, which I appreciated.

My headlights illuminated the front of my condo as a yawn claimed me. Four hours of sleep a night was what I’d been averaging—obviously, it wasn’t enough. All I wanted was a hot shower and a good night’s sleep.

Well, that wasn’t entirely true, but that was all I would admit to wanting, even to myself.

I could have been getting six hours of sleep, but every time I closed my eyes, he popped into my head with his mesmerizing green eyes, his sinful smile, his panty-melting dimple, his sexy laugh, and his mouthwatering arms. Cole Carson consumed me without my permission, and there didn’t seem to be anything I could do about it.

Today marked four weeks to the day since I’d met him, and I’d really thought that my schoolgirl crush would’ve run its course by now. I’d been wrong. If anything, it was increasing not lessening. Which was beyond frustrating.

Especially considering that, for the last two weeks, Cole had been ignoring me completely. It was like I didn’t exist. Which was…fine. He was still paying just as much attention to Anthony, and that was all that really mattered.

When I pulled into my one-car garage, I realized that this was another thing I was thankful for. I had a safe place to park my car. I never had to look for street parking, which on this street, was a freaking nightmare. In fact, since we lived on Elm Street, Megan liked to joke that the parking situation was a “Nightmare on Elm Street.”

Stepping over Anthony’s bike, which was on its side in front of the garage door, the strong, pungent scent of vinegar hit me again and my stomach rolled with a wave of nausea. I wasn’t sure if the aroma had infiltrated my sinuses or if I really still smelled that much like ketchup.

I’d rinsed my hair out in the bathroom and tried to clean my shirt and pants with a wet rag and club soda, although I feared that all I’d managed to accomplish was to smear the offending smell and stain over more surface area than it had originally covered.

Entering the darkened kitchen from the garage, I saw the lights of the television flickering on the back wall and heard the sound of giggles from the girls and a small chuckle from my son. Megan must’ve let Anth and the girls pick out a movie.

Usually, Anthony was in bed when I got home from catering gigs, but every once in a while, Megan would cave and let the kids talk her into staying up past their bedtime. When that happened, Megan and I usually enjoyed a rare glass of wine while the kids finished up their cinematic adventure. I could definitely use a glass of vino.

“I’m home,” I announced as I moved across the kitchen floor. “I’m just gonna grab a quick shower and then I’ll b—”

Stopping on a dime, I froze like one of those cartoon characters that got covered in ice. Cole Carson was in my living room. On my couch.

Was I dreaming?

Was this real?

“Hey, Jules. Cole stopped by to bring Anthony his bag. He forgot it at practice.” Megan, who was sitting on the loveseat, explained this with a look of amusement on her face.

Soooo, this is real.

Cole Carson was in my spot on the couch, and from the looks of it, he’d made himself quite at home. I had no idea how to process what was happening here. My eyes were seeing things and my ears were hearing things but my brain was telling me they were impossible.

“Mom, Coach Carson’s here. Isn’t that cool?” Anthony asked, clearly excited. He, Chloe, and Cameron were all lying on pillows and blankets on the floor.

“Cool,” I repeated, unable to form an original response.

“Hi, Julianna.” Cole’s deep voice rolled over my skin like an erotic wave.

I stared at him, trying to telepathically surmise what he was doing there. I knew that he’d dropped the bag off, but why was he still there? At my house. With my neighbor and her kids. Chillin’ like it was the most normal thing in the world.

My psychic interrogation had no effect on the star quarterback with muscles that turned my insides to mush. Grinning up at me, he made no attempt to get up and leave. He just continued lounging on my couch like it was precisely where he belonged.

Yeah. That was the part that freaked me out the most—he didn’t look out of place at all. It was like he was exactly where he was supposed to be.

“Mom?” Anthony’s worried voice snapped me out of my momentary paralysis.

“Huh?” My eyes shot down to him.

His face scrunched up. “You smell and you have stuff on your shirt.”

Shit.

Not only was Cole Carson here, in my house, but I was covered in dried, stale ketchup. And after sitting outside all day during Anthony’s practice, running with him in the sprinklers, throwing on my uniform because I was late, and serving for the past five hours, I probably looked like death warmed over.

“I got… Someone spilled… I tried to…” Ugh. Why couldn’t I finish a sentence to explain anything whenever Cole was around?

“Why don’t you go and take that shower? I’ll make sure Anth brushes his teeth before bed and clean up before I take off,” Megan offered, as the credits began running on the television.

Wanting nothing more than to escape from this alternate universe version of my life where Cole Carson was hanging out at my house, I turned and hightailed it down the hall to the safety of my bedroom. After, of course, briefly looking over my shoulder at Cole and quickly squeaking out, because I wasn’t about to be rude, “Thanks for dropping off Anth’s bag.”

The smile that spread across his face and the twinkle in his emerald eyes were saying a lot more than, “You’re welcome,” and a flush instantly rose on my face.

First, I’d really missed that look. And second, why did he even look at me like that? It wasn’t just a look of desire or interest. It was…possessive and intimate. Like he really saw me. Like I belonged to him. Like I was his.

When I reached my room, I shut the door and collapsed against it. I was out of breath, lightheaded, and tingly in places I had no business being tingly in. At least not over a frustrating football player who oozed more sex appeal in his little finger than Elvis had in his swiveling hips.

Catching my reflection in the mirror above the dresser, I almost laughed out loud at what was staring back at me. My hair was a rat’s nest, my white button-up shirt had a reddish-orange stain smudged across my entire chest, and my mascara had run, making me look like a raccoon.

The fact that I’d thought there was any connection, any sexual tension, between Cole and I…it was a joke. During my googling, I’d seen the women he’d “dated.” I used the word loosely because there weren’t two pictures of him with the same woman.

The reflection I saw staring back at me was a big ol’ reality check, making it crystal clear that any fantasy in which Cole found me attractive or where he was actually interested in me was just that—a fantasy.

Cole Carson had dropped off Anthony’s bag and probably stayed because Anthony had asked him to. He was not here to see me. The look in his eye was probably just amusement. It was likely that when he saw me, he was thinking “hot mess” as opposed to “hottie.”

Peeling my shirt off—literally, because it was stuck to my skin—I stepped into the shower in my small bathroom and turned the faucet as far towards the H as it would go.

I wanted to stand under a pulsating stream of steaming-hot water and wash off the ketchup and embarrassment.

That’s how embarrassment works, right? Water washes it off? Cool. Cool, cool, cool. That’s what we’re going with, anyway.

Then, after I stepped out from under the hot water, free of both condiments and shame, I planned to go back out and have a glass of wine, whether Megan was still here or not.

CHAPTER 10

Cole

“Do not make me regret this.” Megan pointed her finger in my face as her baby, Chloe, slept peacefully on her shoulder.

“I won’t.” I lifted my hands in surrender. “I promise.”

“She’s the best person I know, and if you hurt her, I will make you sorry you were ever born,” the five-foot-tall—on a good day—blonde threatened.

I knew that Julianna’s neighbor was serious, but it was hard to take her that way because she looked like a little pixie. With huge blue eyes and blonde curls that bounced around her face every time she spoke, she made it tough for me to keep a straight face. She’d told me—more than once—that her husband was a cop, and I wondered how he dealt with this firecracker.

“I know. I would never hurt her,” I assured her with every ounce of sincerity I had.

“I’m right next door, and these walls are thin,” she warned in a menacing tone.

“Got it.” I nodded as Megan carried Chloe and led her oldest daughter, Cameron, out the door.

It made me happy that these two women had each other’s backs. From what she’d said, Megan’s husband worked long hours and Julianna was a huge support for the young mom of two.

After watching to make sure the three ladies made it safely next door, I shut the door. I was alone for the moment, and I took the opportunity to look at the pictures on the walls.

Before Megan had left, she’d checked to make sure Anthony had brushed his teeth, and when she came back to the living room, she’d said that he was already sound asleep, which didn’t surprise me. That kid worked harder than any other player on the field during the clinics. He reminded me a lot of myself at his age, except that he had a shit ton more natural talent than I had.

As I scanned the photos on display, I saw that most of them were of Anthony, but there were a few that had both Julianna and Anthony in them. One in particular caught my eye.

It showed Anthony in a highchair with a cupcake that had a number one candle in it. Julianna was kneeling beside him and she looked so young. It broke my heart to think of her raising her son all alone. She’d been a kid herself when she’d had him. But, she hadn’t let that stop her from making a life, a good life, for her and her son.

I never would’ve thought I’d want to step into a ready-made family. I never even thought about settling down before I met Julianna. But Anthony was special. I loved that kid. I wanted to get to know both of them better.

Over the past two weeks, I’d tried to put Julianna out of my mind. But, it felt like she’d cast some kind of spell on me that I couldn’t break. I’d tried to ignore it. Ignore her. I hadn’t talked to her at the Saturday clinics. I hadn’t looked for her in the stands. I’d tried to pretend that she didn’t exist. But it hadn’t worked. All it had done was made me miserable. Still, I probably would’ve continued ignoring her if I hadn’t seen what I had this afternoon.

I’d been on my way to the players’ parking lot when I’d heard laughter that immediately made me feel calm, relaxed. When I turned, I saw Anthony running through the sprinklers on the small patch of grass beside parking lot B, making monkey and other animal noises. Julianna was laughing as she watched her son. The sound was like the Audible version of a book my mom liked to listen to—Chicken Soup for the Soul. It soothed me. The temperature had to have been in the low hundreds, but that sweet sound had washed over me like a cool breeze.

Anthony had tried to talk his mom into running through the sprinklers with him. She was shaking her head, telling him that she had to work tonight and she couldn’t get wet. Then Anthony—who obviously knew exactly what buttons to push when it came to his mom—asked if she was scared and dared her to run through them.

I saw a moment where she was considering what she would do and then it was replaced by fire and determination. The look had shot straight to my heart. That was it. I realized in that moment that I was all in with this woman I barely knew.

I watched as Julianna dropped her bag beside the grass and run through the sprinklers several times, laughing and chasing Anthony. My heart broke wide open—and not because she looked so fucking hot getting soaked by the sprinklers that caused her cut-off jean shorts and tank top to stick to her like a second skin (although that didn’t hurt).

No, I’d fallen hard because I’d seen the fighter in her. That special quality I knew was the “it” factor that made her a survivor. The thing she had that’d given her the ability to build a life for herself and her son at the age of sixteen. That rise-to-any-challenge spirit was sexier than her insane body, pouty lips, glossy doe eyes, and long, silky dark hair.

Not that those things didn’t factor in. But I’d been with some of the sexiest, and most beautiful, women in the world. Not one of them had held my interest for more than a few hours. It’d been a month since I’d laid eyes on Julianna, and I grew more and more captivated by her the more I learned about her.

After I’d watched them run to her car, I’d noticed Anthony had left his bag behind. I could’ve caught up to them but I figured it would be the perfect excuse to show up tonight. Then I’d made one stop over at my hookup apartment to hand my landlord the keys. I knew I no longer needed it. From the moment that I’d laid eyes on Julianna, I’d had zero desire to step foot in that place.

I was still looking at the pictures on the wall when I heard the water in the shower shut off. For the first time since middle school, my palms were a little sweaty and I felt nervous about what I was going to say to a girl.

As I was staring down at the photo of Anthony and Julianna on Anth’s first birthday, a door opened and my heart picked up speed. The soft sound of feet padding down the hallway made me smile. This is it, I thought. I wasn’t a beat-around-the-bush kind of guy. When I wanted something, I went after it. And I wanted Julianna.

“Feeling bett–”

“Ahhh!” Julianna screamed and jumped up, spinning around towards the front door, where I was standing. Her hands were clutched to her chest and her big, brown eyes were wide as she asked, “What are you doing here?”

Holy shit.

My mouth went dry, my heart clenched, and my balls pulled tight to my body. Julianna stood before me in a white V-neck T-shirt, cut-off sweats, and Scooby Doo slippers. Not a drop of makeup was on her freshly washed face, and wet hair was hanging down almost to her waist.

She was the most beautiful woman I’d ever seen.

“God, you’re perfect,” I breathed in awe.

“What?” Her brow pulled, causing a wrinkle above her nose, like she had no idea what I was talking about. “Why are you still here?”

Oh, right.

“I needed to talk to you,” I said, in an unintentionally husky tone.

“Okay…” She eyed me warily and protectively crossed her arms over her waist.

I knew I was screwing this up. Big time. It was just… She did something to me. I didn’t just lose my train of thought when I was around her—I lost my mind.

“I can’t stop thinking about you.” It wasn’t the best opening line, but it was the truth.

Julianna stared at me, having no reaction to my out-of-the-blue announcement at all. But since she hadn’t kicked me out yet—even though I’d shown up uninvited—I figured I would continue.

“I’ve tried, but I can’t. Since the moment I saw you, you’re all I can think about. I tried to ignore it, tried to ignore you, but it’s impossible.”

Shaking her head, she waved her hand dismissively. “You don’t even know me.”

“Yes, I do. Maybe not firsthand knowledge, but over the past month, I’ve gotten to know Anthony, who’s an amazing kid, by the way.” I saw her eyes soften for the first time since this ambush began. “And in getting to know him, I have gotten to know you. I know that you are an incredible mom. That you would do anything for your son, including work three jobs, and never complain about it. You love lists. You live by a strict schedule. You look at life with a glass-half-full attitude. When you’re nervous or worried, you twist your hair or bite your lip. That one I figured out on my own by watching you when Anthony’s out on the field.”

A small smile crept up on her face, and I used it as an invitation to step forward.

“All I want is the chance to get to know you better. To get firsthand knowledge of you.” The last sentence came out in a gravelly tone.

Julianna’s eyes dilated and her lips parted as she sucked in a harsh breath. I wanted so badly to reach out and thread my fingers through the damp strands of her hair and crush my mouth to hers. To taste her, kiss her, feel her soft curves against me. But I knew that, even though her body was giving me the green light because that was what she wanted too, it was too soon.

“I’m not… I don’t… I can’t…” She stumbled over her words, unable to finish a sentence. Not that I wanted her to. From the sound of those starters, I wasn’t going to like what would’ve come after.

“That’s a lot of negatives,” I teased.

She grinned and blew out a breath; an amused or exasperated breath, I wasn’t sure which. Either way, when she did, the fresh smell of peppermint fanned my face. Now I had an idea of what she would taste like, and it was not helping the thin thread of self-control I was holding on to.

Looking up at me, sincerity shining in her gaze, she said softly, “It’s not negative. It’s just reality. I’m not interested in a relationship.”

“How about a friendship?” I countered.

Her milk-chocolate stare remained on me as she tilted her head to the side, revealing the sexy slope of her slender neck. I swallowed a groan at her exposed skin. I wanted to lick it, kiss it, tease it.

“That’s what you want? A friendship?”

“Yes,” I replied honestly, staring directly into her questioning eyes.

She chuckled in disbelief. “Really?”

“Yes. I want to be friends with you. All healthy relationships are built on friendship.” I gave her the smile that’d always gotten me anything I wanted. I wasn’t delusional enough to think that’d be the case now; but if it provided me with even the slightest edge, I’d take it.

The grin that lifted on her beautiful face grew as Julianna shifted from one foot to the other. “I told you. I’m not looking for a relationship.”

“I know,” I agreed with her. “That’s why we’re going to be friends.”

“Nothing more,” she said firmly.

“Fine.”

“Nothing physical.” Her brows rose in a challenge.

Stepping closer to her until we were merely an inch apart, I lowered my head and brushed a stray strand of hair behind her ear. Then her breath caught and I saw a shiver run down her body.

“Nothing physical,” I repeated before adding, “Not until you’re ready. Until you’re so ready you’re begging me to touch you, to kiss you, to make love to you.” My voice grew even more gravelly as my pants became tighter at the thought of Julianna begging for me.

A flare of heat rushed up her cheeks before she let out a forced laugh. “Yeah. That’s never going to happen.”

Yes, it will.

“Okay, then. Just friends.”

I could see the battle that was raging behind Julianna’s expressive eyes as she debated what her next move was going to be. It was the same look I’d seen when she was deciding whether or not to run through the sprinklers.

I didn’t want to push too hard—I knew that if I did, it would be a one-step-forward-two-steps-back situation. Plus, I had a feeling that, with Julianna, coming back from those two steps would be like walking upstream with cement shoes. I figured I’d get out while she was still smiling.

“I’ll see you tomorrow, just friend.” I turned to leave.

“Tomorrow?”

Her voice stopped me and I pivoted back. She looked a little dazed and confused.

“Yep. I’ll bring dinner. You and Anthony can pick the movie. I’ll be here at six.”

“Do people ever tell you no?” she asked as I stepped out of the front door.

“Yeah. You did when I asked if I could take you and Anthony out for pizza. That’s why I didn’t ask this time. Don’t forget to lock the door behind me,” I said just before shutting the door.

Once I heard the click of the lock, I turned to walk down the front path. When I did I saw that Megan was peeking out from the curtains next door, so I lifted my hand in a small wave. She smiled and waved back, not seeming the least bit upset that she’d just been caught snooping.

I let out a relieved rush of breath as I headed to my car. I knew that I’d just taken a big chance back there by inviting myself over, but I’d just had a talk with my mom, who’d told me how hard it was as a single mom. Being the only one making decisions, having all of the responsibility on your shoulders. And, now that she was married to my stepdad, how nice it was to let him take the lead sometimes.

I had no problem taking the lead. I just hoped Julianna liked playing follow the leader.

CHAPTER 11

Julianna

Sleep is overrated. At least that was what I was telling myself as I sat on the front porch and watched the sun rise while sipping my first—but definitely not my last—cup of coffee for the day. After Cole had left last night, I’d tried to make sense of what’d happened, the things he’d said to me, and how in the world I was supposed to handle it.

Six hours—that’s how long it’d been, and I was no closer to any answers than I’d been since his bossy ass had told me to lock the door behind him. I’d spent the entire night tossing and turning like a kid on Christmas Eve. My mind was spinning with confusion. I had no idea what I should do.

“Don’t be mad at me,” Megan whispered as she stepped out onto our shared porch, dressed in a robe and slippers, a baby monitor in her hand.

“What?” I looked up at her, my mind still in a Cole cloud.

“He just showed up, and Anth was so excited. And then he said he wanted to wait for you to get home, and then, when you went to take a shower, he said he needed to talk—”

“It’s fine.” I held up my hand, stopping my friend’s explanation mid-stream. “I’m not mad.”

Megan sat down beside me on the swing and made a rolling motion with her hand. “Okay, spill. What did he need to talk to you about? Did he ask you to marry him and have his babies?”

“What? No!” I laughed at my friend’s ridiculous statement, but I had to admit I liked the sound of that.

No! I absolutely could not let myself go there. This was not a fairytale or a movie. This was real life. And in real life, famous playboy athletes did not end up with the single mom. It just didn’t happen.

“He said… We’re just… He wanted…”

“Wow.” Megan leaned back on the swing, causing it to rock. “He’s not even here and you’re stuttering.”

“I just didn’t sleep. That’s all.”

“Really?” Megan’s brows rose. “Hmmm. I wonder why not…”

“Ha, ha.” I knew that Megan was just giving me a hard time, but I really didn’t know what to say or think about last night.

“Seriously though.” Megan snuggled into the corner and the swing rocked again. “What did he say? Inquiring minds want to know. This is way better than all the gossip magazines and blogs I read.”

Maybe it wouldn’t be such a bad idea if I told Megan? She was a good friend, and although I made it a point never to get too personal, even with someone I considered my best friend, I thought it might be worth it to have a sounding board.

“He said that he wanted a chance to get to know me.”

There. That wasn’t too hard.

“Annnnndddddd,” Megan prompted.

“And I said that I wasn’t interested in a relationship.”

“Annnnndddddd,” she repeated.

Annnnddddd…this is not going to be as easy as I thought.

“And…he said that we could be just friends.” I decided to skip the part about how he wanted more, and about how I was soon going to be begging for him to touch me, kiss me, and make love to me.

Basically, I left out the portion of last night’s conversation that was playing on a constant loop in my head, causing a deep, aching throb between my legs that even my handy-dandy toy hadn’t been able to satisfy.

Megan eyed me suspiciously. “That’s it?”

“That and he’s coming over tonight with dinner and a movie.” I figured I might as well let my friend in on that little piece of trivia since she’d more than likely see him coming or going. Or both. Not to mention, I was sure Anthony would tell her. If Cole actually showed up…

“I knew it!” Megan excitedly clapped her hands together.

“Knew what?”

“Julianna and Cole sitting in a tree, K-I-S-S-I-N-G. First comes love, then comes marriage, then comes a baby in a baby carriage.”

I couldn’t help but smile at my friend’s enthusiastic rendition of the playground song. But I still said, “I told you. We’re just friends.”

“I know.” Megan smiled smugly; her blonde curls springing around her shoulders as she nodded. “And you can keep telling me that, but I saw the look in his eyes when you walked in last night, and I saw the look in your eyes when you saw him on the couch. I was surprised the entire house didn’t go up in flames with all the heat that was coming off of you two.”

There was no way I was going to try to deny the chemistry between Cole and me, but that didn’t mean anything. I was sure he had chemistry with all the women I’d seen him with online. And I’d had chemistry with Anthony’s dad, for that matter, and look where that had gotten me.

“Look, I’ve known you for four years now,” Megan said, her voice turning serious. “And I’ve seen countless guys hit on you, ask you out, and you’ve turned them all down. I’ve kept my mouth shut. Not said one word. Remember when Robbie tried to set you up with some of the guys from the station? I had your back and told him to leave you alone. Do you want to know why?”

I nodded. Megan had never pushed the issue with me, never tried to set me up or even ask why I was so against dating. Not like the women I worked with, who might as well open up a matchmaker business for as much as they tried to meddle in my love life.

“Because I knew not one of those guys was worth the risk. I don’t know a lot about your past, but it’s blatantly obvious that you have trust and control issues.”

“I do no—”

“Stop.” Megan raised her hand. “My husband’s one of LA’s finest, I’m your neighbor, and it still took you over a year before you let me watch Anthony. And that was only after I’d asked you to watch Chloe. You never ask for or accept help, and I have to assume that has something to do with your past. But my point is: I think this one’s worth it.”

I shook my head. “He’s a professional athlete. They’re not really known for their fidelity and stability.”

“I know, but I think he’s different. And I have a good picker,” Megan wagged her brows up and down.

Robbie and Megan had been together since high school. They’d broken up for about a minute in college, but quickly got back together when they both realized that they couldn’t live without each other. The rest was happily-ever-after history.

“What you and Robbie have is special and rare.”

“I know.” Megan’s lips turned up in a knowing grin. “Which is why I can spot the real thing.”

“You were around us for two seconds!” I was convinced that my friend was going off the deep end. Either that, or she was a closeted football fan and wanted season tickets.

“That was long enough to see what I needed to see.”

I picked up my coffee again. I wasn’t going to argue with my friend. If she wanted to take a stroll down Delusion Lane that was on her, but I didn’t plan on joining her on that little trip.

“Fine. I know that psychic love ability is not exactly scientific proof, but look at the facts. Cole Carson spent four hours, on a Saturday night, with three kids and a babysitter waiting for you to get home.”

“Have you seen the kind of women he dates?”

“Yes, and none of them can hold a candle to you.”

“How about the sheer number of women he dates?” I argued.

“Yeah, about that. You know that I tend to follow all the gossip sites and reality shows. Well, just last week, I read not one, but two articles about how Mr. Cole Carson has been noticeably absent from his normal watering hole—a.k.a. his hookup spot—for the last month. I didn’t really pay that much attention to it until I heard Cole and Anthony talking last night. You know, when he was at your house, waiting for you, about how the clinics have been going on for a month.”

“I think you’re reading too much into this,” I said dismissively, even as a small glimmer of hope sparked in my chest.

Please, please, PLEASE don’t let her be reading too much into this!

I was about to change the subject so that my nonexistent poker face didn’t reveal my unwanted flicker of hope. But Chloe beat me to it. The light on the baby monitor flashed and the soft sound of crying came through the speaker.

“Maybe.” Megan stood from the swing. “But promise me this. Just don’t hold his job or his past against him. Give him a fair shot.”

I nodded as Megan disappeared inside.

I will. A fair shot at being a friend…

Even as I said those words in my head, I knew I was lying to myself. The last thing I wanted from Cole Carson was friendship. And that terrified me.

CHAPTER 12

Cole

“Okay. That’s all of them.” I moved to the kitchen sink at my mom’s house to wash my hands. I’d come over to help her bring down some boxes from her attic. My stepdad, Ralph, had just had knee surgery and was out of commission.

“Thanks, sweetie.” My mom set down the newspaper she was reading, took off her glasses, and sighed.

Uh oh. When Hillary Carson took her glasses off and followed it by a pointed stare, it was serious.

I immediately felt like a teenager who’d been caught with a girl in my room, which might’ve happened once—or a couple of dozen times. My mom had been a strict disciplinarian. She’d had to be to raise a son on her own. But the punishments she’d handed out weren’t the thing that’d gotten to me. It was the long-winded lectures that felt like they went on forever that’d been the real torture.

As I dried my hands, I leaned back against the marble countertop and waited for whatever lecture she had lined up for me. I was actually curious what it could be about, considering that I’d been living like a choirboy for the last month. Staying in every night. Working out every day. Dreaming about all the things I wanted to do to Julianna… Okay, so not completely choirboy behavior.

“What’s up?” I asked, when my mom didn’t immediately launch into her spiel.

“Who is she?” Her left brow rose.

There was no way my mom could know about Julianna. No one knew about Julianna. Even Maddox hadn’t said a word about her since the first day of the program. Hell, I’d only told her last night how I felt about her.

“Who’s who?”

“The girl who made you stop acting like a man-whore,” she stated bluntly. Hillary Carson was never one to pull punches.

“Wow, Mom. Tell me how you really feel.”

I wasn’t really offended that my mom had just called me a man-whore. I was just deflecting. Mainly because I had no idea what was going on between Julianna and me. Tonight, I’d show up with dinner, and at this point, I would consider it a victory if she let me in the house.

“Hey.” She put up her hands. “I just call ’em how I see ’em. Are you seriously going to deny behaving like a man-whore?”

“I’ll admit to anything to get you to stop saying that word.” This was not a discussion I was ready to have, but thinking about my mom knowing how many women I’d been with was actually worse.

A satisfied smile pulled at my mom’s lips. “Fine. Tell me about her. I’m assuming that she has a child.”

I almost choked on spit at my mom’s observation. “Why do you assume that?”

“Cole.” She looked at me with a pitying expression. “Sweetie, I know you think that you are subtle, but you’re not. Once you set your mind to something, you get tunnel vision. Your eyes are on the prize. That’s all you see. Which is a big reason why you’ve been as successful as you have.”

I just stared at her, still not exactly following how that equated to her not only knowing about Julianna, but also knowing that she had a kid.

My mom shook her head in amusement. “For the last few weeks, every conversation we’ve had has ended up being about what it was like being a single mom. How I felt. What I went through. I have to admit that, at first, I was flattered and thought you were just trying to understand all I’d been through, to get to know me better. Then I thought maybe you’d gotten someone pregnant and I was going to be a grandma. But, seeing you today, how happy you look, combined with the fact that I’ve been reading articles about your lack of a social life, I put the final two pieces together.”

I had to admit that that was pretty impressive detective work. I figured that, if my mom knew all that, I might as well fill in the details she hadn’t already worked out. Hell, she’d probably figure it out even if I didn’t.

After walking over to the kitchen table, I pulled out a wooden chair and sat down. “Her name is Julianna, she’s twenty-six, and she has a ten-year-old son named Anthony. I met them at the football clinic the team is running. The kid’s amazing. He has more natural talent than I did at that age—that’s for sure. He’s funny and smart.” I smiled as I thought about how excited Anth had gotten when I’d shown up at his doorstep with his bag.

“And what about Julianna? What’s she like?”

I let out a breath and raked my hands over my face. How could I put into words what she was like—ones that would do her justice? Shaking my head, I realized my mom was not going to let this go, so I had to at least try.

“God, Mom. She’s… She’s perfect. She works full time as a medical assistant. Then, from home, she works part time as a medical transcriptionist; and when they need extra money, she picks up shifts as a server for a catering company.

“She lives for Anthony. He’s her whole life. And from what her neighbor said, she’d give you the shirt off her back if you needed it. She’s obsessed with lists and schedules, but when her son dares her to run through the sprinklers after his practice, even when she has to get home so she can go to a catering job, she puts down her laptop and does it.”

I smiled as I pictured her running on the grass with her son, getting soaked. “And she is so gorgeous. I could just look at her face…forever. Never get tired of it.” I didn’t really think my mom would want to know about her body or what I could do, forever, with it, so I just said, “She’s like that song. She’s an angel in a centerfold’s body.”

“She sounds amazing.” My mom nodded and took a sip of her tea. “And how does she feel about you?”

Leaning back in the chair, I let my head fall back. “Good question. I just told her last night that I was interested in her. For the last couple of weeks, I’ve been trying to figure out what was going on with me. I mean, she’s not exactly the kind of girl I usually hang out with.”

“Thank God for that,” my mother said under her breath.

“You know what I mean. She’s a package deal. It’s not just her—it’s Anthony too. I watched Jerry Maguire, I know better than to mess around with a situation like that. But no matter how hard I tried, I just couldn’t get her out of my head. I can’t stop thinking about her.”

“Tunnel vision,” his mom repeated, knowingly.

“Yeah. Unfortunately, I don’t think she’s suffering from the same issue I am. When I told her that I wanted to get to know her better, she said that she wasn’t looking for or interested in a relationship.”

“Good.” A satisfied smile spread on my mom’s face.

“Good?” I repeated.

“Yes. I like her even more now.”

“You like her even more because she turned down your son?”

My mom had always been my number-one fan; it was strange to hear her take someone else’s side.

“I like her because she’s putting herself and her son first. Not letting herself be swept away by you and your charms, which I’m sure is not an easy task for her. From what it sounds like, she has her priorities and her head on straight.”

“So, you’re saying that I have no shot?” This conversation was quickly going from bad to worse.

“No. I’m not saying that.” My mom paused then set her hands on the table. “Being a single mom, one who really cares about doing the best job she can, is like juggling all these balls in the air. And if one of them drops, everything falls apart, and you are the only one there to pick up the pieces and try to get them all in the air again.”

“Okay.” I had no idea where this was going, but I really did want to understand what my mom was telling me. If she could give me some kind of a window into Julianna’s world, I was all ears.

“Letting anyone else into your world is scary because you know that you can keep the balls you have in the air, but if someone else adds balls or drops yours, then you’re screwed.”

“So, you’re saying she doesn’t want to date me because of my balls,” I said in a serious tone, but I couldn’t help the smile that crept up on my face.

My mom crumbled up her napkin and threw it at me.

As I raised my hand to block the shot, I laughed. “Hey. You said it, not me.”

She let out an irritated huff, but she was grinning. “I’m saying that she just needs to know that, if everything falls down, you’ll be there to help her pick up the pieces.”

I nodded, knowing what my mom was trying to get at even if her analogy had included a lot of balls.

“So, eye-on-the-prize, tunnel vision man, do you have a plan?”

“She kind of agreed to be friends, so I’m bringing dinner over tonight, and I told her to pick out a movie with Anthony.”

“Friends is a good place to start,” my mom said with a secretive smile on her face, looking as if she knew something I didn’t.

Friends might be a good place to start, but that’s not where I planned on finishing.

CHAPTER 13

Julianna

“What’s for dinner?” Anthony yelled over the couch as he played Fortnite.

I was a planner. I had meals prepped for the entire week in the fridge and a menu for the month in my phone. I’d known what tonight’s dinner was going to be since last Tuesday. Spaghetti with meatballs, garlic bread, and a Caesar salad. That was what I’d been planning to make before last night. And if Cole didn’t show up, it would still be what we were going to have.

“Something quick and easy.” I gave him the same answer I’d given all day.

His brow scrunched in confusion. I was trying to come up with a reason why I was being so vague when a loud boom sounded on the TV and he turned around, totally engrossed in his game once more.

Thank God for video games.

That wasn’t a sentence I’d ever thought I’d be saying, even if it was only inside my head. And no matter how hard Anthony ever pressed me, I’d deny to the death that the thought had ever crossed my mind.

I’d made the executive-mom decision not to tell Anth that Cole was coming over tonight. Why? Because I wasn’t sure he was coming over tonight. The last thing I needed was for my son to be disappointed or let down by his hero.

Which is exactly why I should’ve said no to this dinner and a movie idea. I’d never let anyone into our lives who had the ability to disappoint Anthony on a real, personal level.

Did I have issues? Yes. I was the first one to admit that Iyanla would have a field day trying to fix my life. I could hear her now, “Beloved, how will your son ever learn to trust if you don’t trust?”

I’d tell her it was hard to trust when every single person that was supposed to love you, protect you, and just be there for you threw you away like yesterday’s garbage. My mom, my aunt, Jared—they’d left me on my own and never looked back. My dad had done the same thing, he just did it when I was two so I didn’t remember him. But that didn’t mean it hadn’t had an effect on me.

So, yeah. I wasn’t going to tell my son that his hero was coming to dinner when I doubted that he actually would.

And, truth be told, with every minute that passed, I was beginning to think that it would be better if he didn’t. I didn’t want to give Anth the wrong idea, and he didn’t miss a thing.

He knew me. He knew my tics. He knew my moods, sometimes before I even did. If Cole showed up, spent time here while Anth was around, how was I going to manage to mask the way he made me feel?

I bit down on my already swollen cheek and checked the time again. It was ten till six and my mind and pulse were having a race to find out which one could run faster.

I kept hearing Cole’s voice. I wished he hadn’t said the things he had last night. I was used to shrugging off come-on lines, they went in one ear and out the other. But with Cole, I couldn’t do that.

I can’t stop thinking about you.

Since the moment I saw you, you’re all I can think about.

I tried to ignore it, tried to ignore you, but it’s impossible.

I’d tried to tell myself that those were just words, but I was finding it impossible as well.

I smirked to myself. I guess that’s something Cole and I had in common.

I’d had a lot of guys hit on me, but none of them had said things I actually believed. There was just something about him that rang true. It was a confidence and solidness. It was the way he looked at me.

When other guys looked at me, it felt like they just saw my body. Maybe, at most, they liked my smile or laugh. They didn’t really look at me, the person. Cole had talked about getting to know me through Anthony, and then that he’d even picked up some of my nervous tics from watching me in the stands.

He was different, and it was scaring the hell out of me.

The digital clock on my stove changed to five minutes till and I decided I couldn’t just sit in the kitchen waiting to hear his car. I’d already changed four times, and at this point I didn’t even have any clean clothes to change into. I’d landed on a pair of distressed jeans that hugged my curves and an off the shoulder floral shirt that I’d only ever worn to bridal and baby showers. I’d cleaned the entire house twice. What else could I do?

Dinner. I’d defrost the meatballs just in case he didn’t come over.

Decision made, I stood and noticed that my limbs felt like they had lead in them, my hands were damp with sweat, and my stomach was churning. I felt like I was going to be sick.

I grinned to myself as I pulled out the frozen meatballs and Eminem’s song Lose Yourself played in my head. My arms were heavy, my palms were sweaty, so I was making spaghetti, it was “mom’s spaghetti.”

I grabbed a bowl out from the lower cabinet and turned the faucet to hot. My foot tapped on the tile floor as I checked the temperature. When it was hot enough, I dropped the Ziploc bag of meatballs into the bowl and filled it with hot water.

My eyes kept darting to the time. One minute passed, then two. Time was a strange thing. Sometimes it passed in the blink of an eye, but then sometimes one minute felt like hours. Right now was definitely a one–minute-equals-hours type of situation.

It reminded me of when I’d taken my at-home pregnancy test. I’d had to wait three minutes for the results, but it felt like an eternity. I’d taken it in the drug store where I bought it because I was scared that my aunt might find it if I took it at home.

So there I was, barely sixteen, all alone in the CVS bathroom, knowing that in just one hundred and eighty seconds my life might be changed forever if the test was positive.

Strangely enough, I had that same feeling now. If Cole showed up, I had a feeling nothing would be the same. I watched as the numbers on the stove changed from 5:59 to 6:00. Then 6:00 to 6:01. Then 6:01 to 6:02. Then 6:02 to 6:03. By the time it reached 6:10 I knew that he wasn’t coming.

Disappointment swelled in my chest and the sick feeling in my stomach shifted to an empty, gnawing sensation. When tears began to swell in my eyes, I sniffed them back.

They weren’t there because I was sad that Cole had stood me, or us, up. They were there because I’d been freaking stupid enough to get my hopes up. I’d tried my best to keep my expectations low, but deep down, I’d believed that he’d be here. I’d believed that he was different.

But he wasn’t. He was exactly the same.

“Mom!” Anthony shouted from the couch.

“Spaghetti, Anth. We’re having spaghetti.”

“Coach Carson’s here!” he yelled excitedly.

My heart slammed like a crash test dummy in my chest at the same time there was knock at the door. He was here. He’d shown up. I stood at the counter feeling a little lightheaded.

“Can I answer it?”

“Yeah.”

“Coach Carson!” Anthony exclaimed as he opened the door. “What are you doing here?”

My breaths were shallow as I pushed off the counter and rounded the kitchen to find Cole standing on my porch. He was wearing jeans and a charcoal gray shirt. His five o’clock shadow covered his strong jaw with the perfect amount of scruff and he held two takeout bags.

It took my brain a second to believe he was really there.

“Hey, Anth,” Cole greeted my son with a broad smile before his eyes lifted and locked with mine.

When our stares met, his smile dropped. “Wow. You look…beautiful.”

I’d never been shy when men complimented me, but something about the way Cole said it made me feel his words. When he looked at me, when he spoke to me, I didn’t feel like Julianna Perez, a single mom. I felt like Julianna Perez, a woman. I could feel my cheeks heat. I dipped my chin, cast my eyes down, and tucked a strand of hair behind my ears.

“She should, she changed like a hundred times,” Anthony said dryly.

And just like that the bubble of womanhood I’d been floating in popped and I was right back to feeling like a mom. An embarrassed mom. I looked back up and the grin on Cole’s face was back.

“Can I come in? I brought dinner.”

I nodded and walked back in the kitchen, needing a moment to gather my wits. Thankfully, Anthony talked a mile a minute about his game, occupying Cole and acting as a buffer.

I was draining the water from the bowl when I heard Cole say, “Why don’t you pick out a movie for after dinner? I’m going to set this stuff down.”

“Okay!” Anthony eagerly agreed.

I heard Cole’s footsteps behind me and I knew that I should turn around and face him, but I felt frozen as I stood at the sink.

“Sorry I’m late.” His deep voice sounded beside me. “I couldn’t find parking.”

“Parking’s impossible. Megan likes to call it a Nightmare on Elm Street.” I chuckled nervously, still staring down at the bowl filled with a plastic bag of thawing meatballs.

“I texted you, but you didn’t respond.”

Oh shit. Feeling bad that I hadn’t answered him was just what I needed to gain the courage to look up. “My phone is charging in my room. Sorry.”

He smiled, “I was scared you were mad and you weren’t gonna let me in.”

“I was scared you weren’t going to show up.” The second the admission left my mouth, I regretted it. Now he knew not only that I’d changed my clothes, but also that I’d been scared he wasn’t coming. That was way more information than he needed to have.

His expression grew serious. “If I say I’m going to be here, I’ll be here. I’ll never lie to you.”

It was odd enough that Cole Carson was standing in my kitchen with takeout promising never to lie to me, but what was even stranger—terrifying, in fact—was that I believed him.

CHAPTER 14

Cole

WEEK FIVE

“You ready for camp next week?” I asked Anthony as we sat on the sidelines during the water break.

All the boys in the program were psyched to be going up to Big Bear for the sleep away football camp and had been talking about it nonstop all day. But I’d noticed that Anthony got quiet any time the subject came up.

He didn’t look up at me, just stared down at the ground and kicked his shoe in the dirt. “I don’t know if I’m going to go.”

“Why not?” I knew that all the kids were on scholarship, so it couldn’t be the money. If it’d been a financial issue, I would’ve taken care of it.

He shrugged.

“Hey man, are you okay?”

Anthony nodded.

Over the past week, I’d spent a lot of time with Anthony and Julianna. And I noticed that Anthony was different when Julianna was around. He always tried to put on a brave face for her. I recognized it, because I used to do the same thing with my mom. Whenever I was upset about something, needed something, or even was sick, I did my best to hide it from my mom. I never wanted to add anything to her plate.

“You know I’m here, if you ever need to talk.”

He nodded but kept looking down. I didn’t want to press the issue, but there was clearly something wrong with the kid. I wondered if maybe Julianna was worried about him leaving and he didn’t want to upset her.

I’d had a similar experience, and the last time I’d told him about having a single mom, he seemed to respond to it. I figured I’d give it a shot, anyway. “You know, my mom was really upset when I went to science camp. I remember thinking maybe I shouldn’t go.”

“It’s not like that,” he snapped.

Shit. I was really screwing this up. Anthony was a respectful kid and for him to talk to me like that meant I was making whatever was going on with him worse.

“Okay. What’s it like then?”

He took a beat before answering me, but finally said, “I don’t want her to be alone.”

Hopefully she won’t be. I planned on seeing her as much as humanly possible.

It wasn’t that I didn’t love spending time with both Julianna and Anth, I did. Hanging out with the two of them was the best part of my days. I counted the hours, the minutes, even, until I could see them. They had quickly become my two favorite people in the world. But I was scared I was going to be in the eternal friend zone if Julianna and I didn’t get some adult time together soon.

“You’re worried that she’ll be lonely?”

Anthony’s face scrunched up and he looked at me with an expression that clearly communicated I’d totally missed the mark. “No.”

It was amazing how a ten-year-old kid could make me feel like a complete idiot.

“What is it then?”

He shrugged again and looked back at the ground. “I don’t want…anyone to come over.”

Fuck. Had I been overstepping with this kid? I thought Anthony liked it when I was around. He was always so excited whenever I showed up. But maybe he didn’t feel comfortable thinking about his mom and me hanging out when he wasn’t there. I never wanted to do anything that upset him or crossed the line with him.

I remembered what it was like when guys would come sniffing around my mom when I was growing up. It sucked. She’d never dated anyone until I went to college, but I wondered how I would’ve felt if some guy was hanging out when I was ten…

“Hey, buddy. If you don’t want me to—”

“Not you,” he huffed.

Fuck!

“Then who!?” I said loudly.

Glancing up I saw that Maddox was looking my direction, concern written all over his face. I gave him a nod and smile, and he turned his attention back to the parents he’d been talking to.

I hadn’t meant to raise my voice. It was a knee jerk reaction. Julianna had said that she wasn’t dating anyone, that she wasn’t interested in a relationship. But maybe she just wasn’t interested in a relationship with me. Maybe I was making a huge ass out of myself.

When I looked back down I saw that Anthony was biting his lip, the same way his mom did when she was nervous.

Hoping to sound calmer I asked, “Who are you worried about?”

After a few moments of silence, Anthony sighed. “The guy in the parking lot.”

“The guy in the parking lot?”

“Yeah, the one that lets us into the parking lot. I think his name is Chad. He keeps trying to talk to my mom and then he showed up at our house after practice last week.”

“At your house?” It wasn’t lost on me that I had also shown up at her house after practice last week. I had brought Anthony’s bag back, but still.

“Yeah.” Anthony finally made eye contact with me and the look in his big brown eyes crushed me. They were filled with relief to finally be talking about this. I could see that a huge weight had been taken off of his little ten-year-old shoulders. “He kept asking her out and she kept telling him no. And then he followed us home. He tried to come inside but she told him to leave. But he wouldn’t. I was going to my room to get my baseball bat but then Megan came out and then Robbie came out and talked to him. Mom said it’s fine. She said he’s not going to come back. But what if Robbie is at work? And I won’t be there to get my baseball bat?” Anthony was getting visibly agitated and I put my arm around his shoulders that were covered with pads.

I thought that this kid had broken my heart before, but this…this had demolished it. The thought of him going to get his bat to defend his mom was so heartbreaking and it really hit home. I remember keeping a kitchen knife under my bed when I was a kid because I knew that if anyone broke in, it was my job to defend my mom.

People had told me from the time I could remember that I was the “man of the house.” My mom always corrected them and said, “No he’s not. He’s the kid of the house.” She tried to counteract what they said, but I’d still felt responsible.

“It’s okay, little man.” I waited until he looked back up at me. “I’ll make sure that he doesn’t.”

“How?” he asked.

Because I’m going to kill him.

“I’ll talk to him. He’s not going anywhere near you or your mom again.” I hoped my voice didn’t sound as menacing as I felt.

Whatever my tone was, it worked. Anthony took a deep breath and nodded. “Okay. If you’re sure.”

“I’m sure.” It’s a pretty safe bet, since a dead man can’t harass someone.

CHAPTER 15

Julianna

WEEK SIX

I checked my phone for the twentieth time during the ten-minute drive home from work. Mostly, I’d been obsessively checking because I was waiting for a text from Anthony. I’d dropped him off this morning for camp and he’d promised to call or text me every morning and night.

I also kept checking because Cole had texted me today and asked if he could take me out to dinner, which I’d immediately declined. My reason? Monday was cleaning night. Was it a stupid reason? Yes. Was I hiding behind my rigid schedule to avoid being alone with Cole? Yes. Did I wish I’d agreed instead? Yes!

All day, I’d only been able to think about the what-ifs. What if I were meeting Cole for dinner tonight? What if I gave in to the overwhelming, electric chemistry we had between us? What if I forgot all about rules and responsibilities for one night and just felt?

Cole’s only response to my refusal had been, “Okay,” with a smiley face, and then it’d been radio silence.

I was pretty sure I’d blown my chances to find out the answers to my what-ifs. And maybe that was for the best. I was feeling at loose ends, and a whole lotta anxious, because this was the first time Anthony had been gone for more than just an overnight at his friend’s house. I was, for all intents and purposes, footloose and responsibility free. But that did not mean that I needed to act like it was spring break and go crazy.

Not that dinner with Cole was equivalent to spring break. Although I was pretty sure that, if I did spend any time alone with that man, flashing would be the least of my transgressions.

Pulling into my driveway, I sighed as I realized that I’d be spending the night all alone. Robbie had Monday nights off, so he and Megan would be having family time. Anthony was at camp, and I’d turned down Cole’s invitation for dinner. Once I’d shut off the engine, I hesitated before heading inside because I knew how lonely it would feel.

For the last two weeks, Cole had been spending a lot of time over at the condo. In fact, he’d spent eight evenings and one entire Sunday there. And, he’d been a complete gentleman. He’d stayed firmly in the friend zone. And it’d driven me absolutely crazy.

Other than when he’d told me how beautiful I looked—in creative and sometimes funny ways—every time we saw each other, there’d been no flirting, no innuendos, no longing looks. Cole treated me like a friend.

Which was what I’d said I wanted. And his restraint made me want to strip him naked and show him exactly how un-friendly he made me feel. He was just so toe-curling, drool-inducing, panty-melting sexy. And now that I’d gotten to know him better, his Adonis-like body and pretty-boy face covered in bad-boy scruff were the least sexy parts about him.

Cole was funny, easygoing, and caring. Not to mention he had this air about him of complete and total command and competency, for lack of a better term. He was just so capable. After the time I’d spent with him, I truly believed there was no situation Cole couldn’t handle. Which had sent my sexy meter spiking into the red.

Last week, when Megan had asked him to hold the baby while she ate, he hadn’t even blinked. And when Chloe had filled her diaper and Megan had tried to take her back, he’d told her to keep eating, grabbed the diaper bag, and asked for a crash course in Diaper Changing 101. When his car had gotten towed because he’d parked in a permit-only spot, he’d laughed and called an Uber. Anthony had asked if he was mad, and he’d said that he wasn’t; but, if he had been, it would have to be at himself because he’d been the one who’d parked where he shouldn’t have.

That little exchange had nearly brought tears to my eyes. Whether Cole knew it or not, he’d just taught my son a lesson in taking responsibility for his own actions by living it. And that was the kind of parenting I’d always believed made the most impact.

Each minute I spent with Cole was making it harder and harder for me to remember who he was. That he was the star quarterback of the LA Legends. That he had more pictures online with random women than there were stars in the sky. Luckily, with just a few keystrokes, I could remind myself of those things. And I had. Every day.

My phone beeped on the seat beside me and I jumped. Looking over, I saw that it was a text from Anth saying that they’d just finished dinner and now it was free time until lights out. I quickly replied to his text and let him know that I loved and missed him. He sent another back saying he loved me too.

After that text, I got out of the car and decided that, now that I’d heard from Anth, I wasn’t going to obsess over checking my phone every two seconds. As I opened the back door that led into the kitchen, I pulled up my Monday list on my phone, which included bathrooms, vacuuming, and dusting.

Okay. So I would eat dinner, complete the items on my list, take a bath, drink a glass of wine, and maybe watch some Friends reruns. It wasn’t sexy, but it was safe.

I set my purse on the kitchen table, and just as I opened the freezer to see if there were any Hot Pockets, there was a knock at the door. I figured that it was Megan coming over to say that Robbie had gotten called in to work. Maybe she’ll want to order Chinese, I hoped. That sounded a ton better than a frozen pizza pocket but was not the sort of meal I would order for one.

Opening the door, I asked, “How does Chinese sou—”

My words fell off mid-sentence. It wasn’t my curly blonde haired neighbor standing on my porch. Nope, it was my wildest, hottest fantasy in the flesh.

Cole stood in front of me in a pair of jeans that were worn in all the right places and a green shirt that made his eyes look even more vibrant, holding grocery bags that were putting his muscular arms on full display.

“I was thinking Italian, but we can order Chinese if you want.”

“What are you…? I didn’t know you were… I mean, I said…” Aaaand just like that, my ability to speak flew right out the window.

A smile that sent tingles exploding through my body tilted on Cole’s perfect, full lips, making me feel, like I was a can of soda and Cole had just shaken me up and popped the top.

“I’m here to cook you dinner. I didn’t tell you because I didn’t want you to say no. And you did say that you were busy cleaning tonight which is why I brought help,” Cole said, with a quick nod toward the street as he turned to the side. Behind him stood four women each wearing a Super Maids shirt.

What the…? This was too much. I didn’t want strangers cleaning my house. I began shaking my head, but he stopped me.

“And before you say no, I hired not one, but two, two-person teams so that one team could work next door. I also brought takeout for Megan and Robbie.” He smiled broadly as he raised a bag from Sergio’s Steakhouse, which I had overheard Megan tell Cole was her and Robbie’s favorite restaurant.

Tears formed in my eyes as my stomach was doing somersaults at the thought of spending the evening with Cole. His inclusion of Megan and Robbie made it impossible to turn him away—not that I wanted to, and he knew it. “You don’t play fair.”

“I play to win.” The intensity in his emerald-green eyes shot straight to my sex as it pulsed heavily between my legs.

“What’s all this?” Megan opened her front door, her blue eyes brimming with excitement.

“I brought you and your family dinner and also hired a service to help with anything that you need around the house,” Cole explained, as he handed her the bags.

“Oh my God!” Megan’s eyes grew wide as she took the takeout bag from Cole. “If she doesn’t marry you, Cameron will be legal in twelve years.”

Cole laughed and I rolled my eyes as Megan thanked him profusely and started rattling things off to the cleaning team. Stepping to the side as my own cleaning team came through the doorway, I tried to focus as I met and talked to the women who’d been hired to clean my house. It was difficult, though, because I felt like I was having an out-of-body experience, like I was watching the entire thing from outside of myself.

Even though I knew I wasn’t dreaming, I pinched myself for good measure. Things like this didn’t happen to me. I wasn’t Cinderella. Or Julia Roberts in Pretty Woman. Or Jennifer Lopez in Maid in Manhattan.

This was real life. And in real life, sexy professional athletes didn’t show up at your front door with a cleaning service and food for not just you, but for your neighbors too. When I switched my attention from the women’s questions about what cleaning supplies I’d prefer them to use and over to Cole, I saw the cotton material of his shirt pulling against his muscular back. He was standing at the stove. Cooking.

My mouth watered, and it had nothing to do with the food on the stove.

I knew this kind of thing didn’t really happen in real life…except maybe for when it did.

CHAPTER 16

Cole

“I got it.” I covered Julianna’s hand as she tried to reach for my plate.

She looked at me with the most adorable stubborn expression that made it very hard to take her seriously. “No. You cooked, I clean. That’s house rules.”

“Hmmm. I think maybe some of your rules need to be broken.” I rubbed my thumb over the soft skin on the inside of her wrist. It was the same thing that I’d done the first time I’d met her, but this time she didn’t pull her hand away as if she’d touched a hot stove.

As badly as I wanted to pull her across the table and onto my lap and break every rule she had, I knew she wasn’t ready for that yet.

Tonight, I’d finally gotten her to relax, but it’d been an uphill battle from the start. She’d tried to help the ladies who were cleaning—until they’d politely asked her to let them do their jobs.

Then she’d insisted on chopping the vegetables for dinner, so I’d had to physically pick her up, set her in a kitchen chair, and tell her to stay. I’d also opened a bottle of wine and made sure to refill her glass when it had gotten low, which I was pretty sure didn’t hurt.

It wasn’t until after the Super Maids left and we were halfway through dinner that she’d finally loosened up. We’d had an amazing meal, even though I’d burnt the garlic bread and the noodles were overcooked. But she didn’t seem to mind. She had, however, moved all of her food into sections so that none of it touched any other, which, for some reason, I thought was more adorable than a Golden Retriever puppy in a bowtie.

My hand remained on Julianna’s, neither of us moving. I felt a slight tremble beneath my touch, and her eyelids grew heavy. The candle I’d brought—because I’d thought it would be a nice touch—was flickering and the light danced over her caramel-colored skin, making me want to kiss and lick every inch of her body. Okay, I would’ve wanted to do that even without the candlelight, but it was definitely adding to the crackling sexual tension between us.

Not trusting myself, I stood abruptly. I had to break the energy before I went too far, too fast. I wasn’t kidding when I’d said that I played to win. I did—especially when our future and my happiness were on the line—which they were.

In the short time I’d been getting to know Julianna, not only had she made her way into my heart and soul, she’d inserted herself into my future. At this point, I couldn’t imagine my life without her in it. I wasn’t about to jeopardize that because I was hornier than a desperate housewife watching Magic Mike.

After picking up both of our plates and salad bowls, I walked over to the sink and turned the water on cold. It wasn’t exactly a shower, but I hoped it’d cool me off.

“So you said that you grew up with your aunt. Do you still see her?” All evening I’d been careful not to let the conversation veer too far into the personal lane. But, whether I wanted to or not—and for the record, I didn’t—I would be leaving after I did the dishes. So I knew that this was my one and only shot tonight to find out more about her.

“No,” she replied quietly.

Since I thought she wasn’t going to elaborate on that, I was contemplating whether or not to push it and ask a follow-up question, when she walked over and stood beside me at the sink. She was still holding her wine when she leaned back against the tile countertop. I got the feeling she had more to say, so I remained quiet as I rinsed off our dinner dishes and the pots and pans I’d used to cook.

With her gaze on the checkered flooring beneath her feet, Julianna sighed. “I’ve thought about calling her, but every time I do, I hear her calling me an ungrateful slut and telling me to stay away from her family. Part of me can understand; my cousins were little and they looked up to me. She didn’t want them to come home pregnant at sixteen. But I was five months pregnant, sixteen years old, I had nowhere to go and she kicked me out on the street at ten o’clock at night.”

I fisted my hand squeezing the life out of the sponge in it. Thinking of Julianna so young, scared, and helpless made me so angry that I could barely see straight. What kind of a person, a family member at that, could do such an unthinkable thing?

“What did you do then?” I tried to modulate my tone. “Where did you go?”

She shrugged, still looking down at the floor as if lost in thought. “I went to Anthony’s dad, Jared. He let me stay at his parents’ houseboat. They didn’t know I was there.” Then she let out a forced laugh. “They didn’t know about me at all. I stayed there until I had Anthony. When I went into labor, one of the marina staff called an ambulance and someone contacted his parents about it. Jared told them everything.

“I was in labor for thirty-six hours. After I had Anthony, they came into my hospital room and handed me papers saying that Jared had signed to waive his parental rights. They told me that they wanted nothing to do with me or my illegitimate child and warned me to stay away from their son.”

“Holy shit.” I shook with anger, wanting to kill people I’d never met. Those people were evil. I was scared what the answer was going to be, but I had to know, “Then what happened?”

A small smile lifted on her face. “I was lucky. One of the nurses told me about a shelter for homeless moms. She called and got me a spot; she even drove me there when Anthony and I were discharged from the hospital. I stayed there for a year and a half and got my G.E.D. Once I had that, I was able to get a job and saved up for a studio apartment.”

Fuck. Every protective instinct in my body was roaring with primal intensity. All I could hear was my heart pounding in my chest as fury raced through my veins at Julianna’s mom, her aunt, Jared, and Jared’s asshole parents.

I turned off the water and wiped my hands off as I tried to calm down before I spoke. I took in steady breaths, inhaling through my nose and exhaling out of my mouth. Stepping in front of Julianna, I placed my hands on either side of her, gripping the counter. I didn’t trust myself to not touch her if I wasn’t holding on to something, and if I did touch her, I definitely didn’t trust myself. Not with the raw emotions flooding me.

“Julianna,” I rasped.

Being this close to her, even though no part of my body was touching any part of hers, was torture. I wanted to pull her into my arms and tell her that, from this day forward, I would never let anyone hurt her or her son. That I would take care of her and Anthony, and that she was mine and I protected what was mine. That she owned me—because she did.

When her golden eyes lifted to mine, she peeked up at me from beneath a dark bed of thick lashes. My body ached with carnal need as I watched her chest rise and fall; a tempting tease of cleavage pushing against the V of her pink scrubs. I wanted so badly to touch her. My palms tingled with the need to cup her full breasts, to feel the weight of them as I tenderly caressed and kneaded her body.

“Cole?”

Her voice snapped me out of the lust trance she’d managed to pull me under without even trying.

Her gaze looked equal parts innocent and wary. Now I understood better what made this incredible woman who she was today. It broke my heart and, at the same time, filled me with pride and admiration. I wasn’t sure how to explain all of the things I was feeling or if she was even ready to hear them, so I didn’t try.

“I’m so sorry you went through that.” That sentiment barely scratched the surface of the depth of what I felt.

Her button nose scrunched as she brushed off my apology. “It wasn’t that bad, and it all worked out. I have Anthony. That’s all that matters.”

I couldn’t believe that this girl was for real. Like I’d told my mom, she really was an angel in a centerfold’s body. And she was mine—whether she knew it or not.

“You have no idea how fucking amazing you are, do you?” I breathed.

She shook her head and tried to move out of my arms, which were caging her in. “I’m not that—”

Her sentence came to a halt when I didn’t move my arm and her escape attempt brought our bodies in full contact. She froze, and so did I. Well, except for my swelling erection, which was painfully pressing against its denim constraint.

The only sound in the small kitchen was our labored breathing. I waited; not having a clue what her next move was going to be. If she tried to push past me again, I would, of course, drop my arms and give her the freedom I knew she didn’t want. Not really.

I might not have had a clue what was going on in that beautiful mind of hers, but I knew how her body was responding to me. Through the thin cotton barriers of my T-shirt and her scrubs, I could feel her nipples hardening.

Lifting her head, she swallowed audibly before licking her plump lips and asking in a whisper, “Do friends kiss?”

Fuck. She was going to kill me.

“Yes.” I barely got the word out before I lowered my head and captured her mouth with mine.

The soft, sweet kiss belied the urgency boiling inside me. The instant our lips touched, I stilled, wanting to commit to memory every feeling, every breath, every movement of this moment.

When a needy moan fell from Julianna’s lips, my dick jumped. I wanted to hear her making that sound while I was buried deep inside her. Her lips were soft and yielding, and I took my time kissing them with every ounce of pent-up passion I felt.

Needing to touch her, I cupped her face, my thumbs brushing her jawline as my fingers wrapped behind her slender neck. The silky strands of her hair grazed my knuckles, and I tightened my grip, tilting her head back to give me better access.

When I pulled her bottom lip between mine and ran my tongue back and forth, a primal groan ripped from my chest as I fed on the sweetness of her mouth. The next thing I knew, her hands were wrapped around my shoulders, her nails were digging into my firm back, and her body was practically climbing me, begging for my touch.

Desire shot through me with so much force that my knees buckled. Wanting—needing—to feel more of her, I wrapped my hands around her hips, picked her up and set her on the kitchen counter. I was only vaguely aware of the dishes that fell into the sink beside us with a splash.

I stepped forcefully between her legs and tugged her forward so that my straining cock was nuzzled against her heated core.

What started as an innocent kiss quickly turned into the hottest encounter I’d ever experienced as Julianna parted her lips in invitation. I plunged my tongue inside her.

With lazy exploration, I took my time licking and tasting every crevice of her warm, wet mouth. Her tongue met mine in a sensual dance as my hands roamed her body, up and down her back, stopping just before the rounded flesh of her ass. Up her sides, my palms brushed the swells of her lower breasts as I rolled my hips against her, my steel-hard shaft rubbing along the heat radiating from the apex of her thighs.

I knew that if I slipped my hand beneath her waistband, I’d find her body wet and ready for me. I could strip her and be inside of her within ten seconds, giving us both what our bodies desperately craved. As tempted as I was, I also knew that the gratification I could bring us would be temporary and what I wanted from Julianna was the opposite of temporary. I wanted forever.

With my body screaming in protest, I broke our passionate kiss and rested my forehead against hers. My hands slowly rubbed her lower back as I pushed down and ignored every instinct to pick her up, take her to bed, and keep her there until neither of us could walk. I had to put some distance between us.

“I’ll pick you up after you get home from work at six tomorrow. Wear a bathing suit,” I instructed, as I stepped away from her.

“What?” she asked, her brow furrowed in confusion, looking dazed. It was an expression that I was getting familiar with.

Damn, she was so fucking adorable sitting on the counter, her lips swollen, marked from my kisses, her eyes glazed with lust, her shirt wrinkled from my exploration. My fists clenched at my sides, as I resisted the urge to move back between her still-open legs and capture her mouth with mine again.

I needed to get out of there while I still could.

“Tomorrow night. Six o’clock. Bathing suit.” With that clipped command, I turned and headed to the door, not looking back. As I opened it and stepped outside, I said, “Don’t forget to lock this behind me,” before shutting the door firmly.

I waited on the porch while my heart raced like it was the lead car in the Indy 500. If she opened the door, said one word to me, I knew that it would break the last shred of self-control I still had. I’d be back in that house and inside her before either of us could blink. When I heard the soft sound of the lock clicking into place, I let out the breath I’d been holding.

Tonight could’ve gotten much more out of hand. Discipline and control had always been attributes I’d taken pride in. Julianna had obliterated both of those things. She was too potent, and our chemistry was too explosive.

Going slow might not be an option. Especially since, if tomorrow night went as planned, we would be half naked and soaking wet…

CHAPTER 17

Julianna

Bikini or one piece?

My eyes bounced between the two swimsuits laid out on my bed like a ping-pong ball being hit by paddles. The white bikini still had the tags on it because I’d gone out on my lunch hour and picked it up. My justification was that it had been on sale and I hadn’t gotten myself a new bathing suit in four years.

But I knew the truth. I could justify my behavior until I was blue in the face, but the real reason I’d made the purchase was the thought of having Cole see me in it. Last night, I’d spent another night tossing and turning in my bed, which had been happening a lot lately. Ever since Cole had inserted himself into my life.

Hmmm…inserted… A visual of Cole inserting himself into me popped into my mind.

No. Stop it, I quickly reprimanded myself.

Lately, my mind had been writing Letters to Penthouse, with all of my entries starring Cole. It was getting out of hand.

Not that I had even the slightest glimmer of hope that I’d be able to stop my erotic fantasies after that panty-melting, world-rocking, mind-blowing, “friendly” kiss we’d shared last night.

The one Cole had ended so abruptly that it had taken me several minutes after I’d locked the door—per his orders—before I’d been able to string together a coherent thought in my lust-addled brain.

Cole Carson knew how to kiss. Really kiss. Sure, I was not the most experienced when it came to sex, but I’d kissed my fair share of guys. Of course, that had all been during my preteen and teen years. Cole was the first man I’d ever kissed.

He’d taken his time and applied just the right amount of pressure with his tongue and lips. I’d gone mindless, boneless, inhibition-less from the first swipe of his wet tongue along my mouth. But that hadn’t even been the best part. Nope. The best part had been when he’d picked me up, set me on the counter, and then gruffly pulled my hips so that our bodies were intimately aligned. The way he’d handled me had been the perfect balance of rough and gentle. It’d made me feel a dangerous combination of completely safe and totally out of control.

Last night and all day, I’d tried to convince myself that my body’s reaction to him could be easily explained by the fact that I’d been on a self-imposed dry spell for the last…hmmm…decade. That any man who would’ve touched me and kissed me would’ve made me respond the same way. But deep down, I knew the truth.

Cole Carson held the keys to unlocking a side of myself I hadn’t even known existed. Or, if I’d known on some subconscious level, then I’d ignored it—the erotic, pleasure-seeking woman inside me that wanted Cole’s mouth all over my body last night felt like a stranger to me, but someone that I wanted to get to know better.

A shiver ran down my spine at the thought of what it would feel like if Cole used his talented mouth to kiss me between my legs. Just the notion made me tingle and pulse with need.

Looking at the clock on my bedside table, I saw that I still had fifteen minutes before Cole had said he would be there. Maybe I should take the edge off before he arrived. That way, I had a shot at controlling my urges tonight.

It had worked for Ben Stiller in There’s Something About Mary. Well, except for the whole accidental cum-as-hair-gel thing. Still, it might help. And if there was one thing my decade long sex drought had taught me, it was how to take care of myself.

Lying back on my bed, I closed my eyes and ran my hand up my thigh, lifting my dress to my waist. Then, opening my legs, I slipped my hand inside my panties and was not surprised to feel my fingers slide over damp lips, which were slick with arousal. After spreading the moisture over my clit, I began moving my finger in circles—slowly at first, then faster.

Images of Cole’s mouth where my hand was filled my mind. His tongue licking where I was touching. His lips sucking me and his long, thick fingers sensually massaging my opening, before sliding into me.

Before I knew it, my release was cresting like a wave, crashing over me as a rush of liquid coated my fingers. My body shook with its power.

As I floated back into my consciousness, there was a loud knock at the door.

Shoot. Did that take fifteen minutes?

Nope. A quick check of the time told me that it was only ten till six. So either Cole was early or someone else was at the door.

After grabbing my two-piece, I ran into the bathroom. With speed that put Wonder Woman to shame I stripped out of my dress, washed my hands and lady parts, threw on my swimsuit, and pulled my dress back on. Then I snatched up my brush and ran it through my hair before I slipped on my sandals and hurried to the door.

I was still a little out of breath as I opened it mid-knock. Cole was standing, flowers in hand, on the other side of it.

“Hi.” I tried my best not to sound and look like a woman who’d just pleasured herself to the image of the person standing in front her. Unfortunately, my voice was shaky, my legs were still a little wobbly, and I could feel that there was a fairly obvious flush covering my cheeks.

Cole’s vivid, green eyes locked with mine before his gaze hungrily made its way down my body. His intense scrutiny was not helping my mission to appear unaffected. In fact, even though I’d just experienced an orgasm a few minutes ago, my sex was throbbing with need under his sultry stare.

“Damn, you look good enough to eat,” he rasped in a low tone that spread through me like melted butter.

Funny you should mention that…

Keeping the inside joke to myself, I tried to lighten the sexual tension that was thick enough to choke on. “It’s amazing what a dress can do,” I laughed nervously. I wasn’t trying to be self-deprecating. That’s just how it had come out.

His eyes shot to mine with an intensity that caused my already weak knees to grow weaker. “It’s not the dress.”

I had no idea how to respond to that. Not that I could have, even if I did have something clever to say. With Cole looking at me like he was staring straight into my soul, I was unable to do anything except for try to remain upright on legs that had turned to Jell-O.

His eyes narrowed and his head tilted forward. “What were you doing when I knocked on the door?”

What?! Was it that obvious? There was no way he could know. Right?

“Huh?” It wasn’t the most eloquent comeback, but honestly, I was proud of myself for not melting into a puddle under his sensual scrutiny.

“Why did it take you so long to come to the door?” he asked as if he already knew—or thought he knew—the answer.

“You’re early. I was getting dressed.” I stood taller, feeling pretty dang happy that I’d not only been able to explain my delay, I hadn’t had to lie to do it.

Score one for me. No Pinocchio nose here. Nope.

It looked like Cole was going to say more, but before he got the chance, Megan’s door opened and she stepped onto the porch. When she saw me, she let out a wolf whistle. Instantly, I felt my cheeks grow hotter.

“You look like a pinup girl, mama! H-O-T!”

“Yes, she does,” Cole immediately agreed.

While I appreciated the compliments, I’d never been one to be comfortable feeling on display. “Thanks. We’d better get going.”

“Where are you two kids off to?” Megan asked, as she bounced Chloe on her hip.

I realized that I had no idea. All Cole had told me was to wear a swimsuit. I’d decided to throw on a dress because all he had ever seen me in were cut-off shorts, jeans, scrubs, and cut-off sweats.

But, come to think of it, I actually had no idea where we were headed. That was really out of character for me. Normally, I needed every detail imaginable before agreeing to go anywhere or do anything.

Looking up at Cole, I waited with Megan to find out what my night had in store.

“We’re going swimming. At my house.”

Oh boy.

Cole reached over and said hi to the baby, who lit up at his attention, before settling his hand on my lower back. The feeling of his large hand as he guided me down the steps of the porch felt so good, so right, that it scared me. How could a simple touch, something so innocent, be so perfect and so hot?

“You kids have fun!” Megan yelled out.

I waved as Cole opened the door to his Range Rover for me. The vehicle was so roomy. I hadn’t ever been in a luxury SUV before and my first impression was it lived up to the hype.

When he shut the door, I looked over to where Megan was fanning herself dramatically on the porch—and not because of the temperature outside. I smiled. I was very lucky to have her as a friend. Not only supportive and protective, but also a smartass. That wasn’t a combination that came along very often.

When I heard the driver’s side door, I looked over and saw Cole’s long legs and tall frame fill the space, and suddenly, what had felt spacious now felt small and intimate.

“Ready?” he asked, a small dimple showing through his five-o’clock shadow.

“Yep.” I grinned tightly as butterflies had a dance party in my stomach.

You have no idea.

CHAPTER 18

Cole

I felt like a nervous, pimply-faced teenager. Not that I’d ever been one. I’d always had clear skin and the opposite sex had never been all that intimidating to me.

Until now.

The ride over to my house was awkward, at best. As much as I would’ve liked to think that my stupid jokes and small talk had made Julianna feel comfortable, I could see the truth. She was a basket case. A nervous wreck.

Her fingers had been twisting in her hair so much that they would’ve made Chubby Checker proud, and her foot had been tapping on the floorboard like she was doing a Cab Calloway impression.

Now that we’d arrived at my house, I felt self-conscious as she looked around, her jaw practically on the floor.

“Wow.” She slowly spun in a circle, taking in the view of the city through the wall of windows in the living room.

I’d only shown her the kitchen, study, and living room so far, and with every room we entered, she seemed more overwhelmed. I made an executive decision to skip the media and game rooms and head straight to the pool. Since the moment Anthony had told me that his mom’s favorite thing to do was swim but she hated going to public pools because she had a thing about germs, I hadn’t been able to get the vision of her in a bikini, at my house, dripping wet, out of my head.

I had felt like a little bit of a creep for that thought considering that Anthony had been the one to tell me. But damn, I couldn’t help myself.

“Do you want to eat or swim first?” I asked. I kept my tone casual, even though I would’ve given up my Super Bowl win for her to choose swim.

“Swim,” she answered as if that were a stupid question.

I smiled from ear to ear. I found myself doing that a lot around Julianna.

“Then let’s go.” I placed my hand on the small of her back, a gesture that was starting to feel as natural as tying my shoe. My palm took up one side of her lower back and my fingers spread to cover the rest—a perfect fit.

As we walked out the back door onto the deck, I realized that, for the first time in my life, I could honestly say that I had everything I wanted in the palm of my hand.

“Oh my gosh! This is beautiful!” Julianna took two steps onto the deck and covered her mouth.

I looked around, trying to see it through her eyes. There was a black-bottom infinity pool in the center that overlooked the city. The large wooden deck we were standing on had strings of lights looping above it. Shrubbery surrounded the privacy fence on each side of the property.

It was nice, but nothing compared to the person standing beside me.

“You are beautiful,” I said reverently.

She smiled up at me, and her body relaxed.

“I’m sure you say that to all the girls you bring here,” she teased, lifting her brows.

“I’ve never brought a girl here,” I confessed, then immediately regretted it. The last thing I wanted to do was scare her off, but another part of me wanted her to know how serious I was about her.

“Right,” she said, as if I were bullshitting.

“I haven’t. You’re the first,” I replied honestly. I had nothing to hide.

Crossing her arms in front of her chest, she tilted her head. “I find that hard to believe.”

Since I’d gone this far, I knew that I might as well go all in. I wanted no secrets between us. My past was my past, and there was nothing I could do to change it, but I wasn’t ashamed of it.

“I had an apartment that I used for that.”

“Had?”

“Yeah. I turned in my keys to the landlord a couple of weeks ago. I knew I wasn’t going to be needing it anymore.”

“Because you decided to start bringing your conquests to your house?” she said in a joking tone, but I could see she was really asking.

“No. Because I hadn’t used it since the day I met you. I’m done with ‘conquests.’ I only want one thing. You.”

She didn’t have a quick comeback to that one. Instead, she just stared at me, looking sexier and more beautiful than any woman I’d ever seen. The air between us crackled with an electrical charge. I knew I had just raised the stakes, and I wasn’t sure if Julianna was going to fold or see my hand. She surprised me by doing neither.

“Let’s swim,” she declared in a shaky voice. Then she lifted her dress over her head and dropped it on a deck chair.

Holy shit.

I had imagined seeing Julianna in a bikini more times than I cared to admit. I’d fantasized about what she looked like beneath her scrubs and shorts and tank tops. Now, coming face to face with the real thing took my breath away. The reality of her body was so much better than my vivid imagination had been able to come up with.

She had an hourglass figure that rivaled any of the Kardashians. Her full breasts pressed against the white triangles of her bikini top, and the small V of her bottoms left little to the imagination. I knew I was staring, but I couldn’t take my eyes off her.

“You coming?” she asked as she turned and jogged to the edge of the pool.

Yes. I would definitely be coming tonight. I’d be coming to the picture of her in a bathing suit tonight, tomorrow night, and for all the foreseeable nights in my future.

I ripped my shirt off and stepped out of my shoes as I strode like a man on a mission to where she was standing. Just as I reached her, Julianna dove into the deep end with the grace and poise of an Olympic swimmer.

Knowing that she was going to get an eyeful of just how much I was enjoying seeing her in a bikini if I didn’t get underwater before she surfaced, I jumped in too. And for the next hour, we swam around, splashed, and had fun. She was quick and wily. Every time I’d reach for her—usually after she’d splashed or dunked me—she’d get away before I could get a good grip on her.

After dunking me for the umpteenth time, Julianna laughed as she began swimming away, trying to escape retaliation. Unfortunately for her, I was done playing cat and mouse. I easily stood up in the deep end and grabbed her ankle. Then I pulled her towards me, spun her around, and wrapped my arms around her in one swift movement. Still giggling, she pushed off of my chest, splashed, and wriggled against me. The mood turned on a dime when her efforts brought her in direct contact with my rock-hard cock.

Julianna stilled. The energy between us shifted. What had been playful and flirty turned serious and heated.

Then, in a move sexier than the Phoebe Cates pool scene in Fast Times at Ridgemont High, she brushed the wet strands of hair that had fallen in her face, leaned back, and locked her legs around my waist.

Instinctively, my body rocked into hers as she rested her hands on my shoulders. Digging my fingers into the flesh on her hips, I tightened my hold, pulling her even closer to me. Water dripped down her chest, her rounded breasts bobbing against the surface of the water, tempting me to the point of insanity.

“Can I ask you something?” Julianna asked shyly.

“Anything.” I studied her, wondering where the sudden shyness had come from.

Her face was flushed, her eyes glossy with desire, and her shiny red lips were slightly open as she took in short breaths, which reminded me of exactly how she looked when she’d opened the door tonight.

Interesting. I’d seen that expression on women’s faces enough times that I had a strong suspicion as to what she’d been doing before I got there.

“Am I really the only girl you’ve brought here?” She searched my eyes, waiting for my response.

“Yes,” I answered definitively. “Can I ask you something?”

A nervous smile pulled at her lips. I wasn’t sure if it was because of my answer or the fact that I had something I wanted to ask her.

“What?” she finally responded, the corner of her eyes crinkling with suspicion.

“Oh, I see how it is. I say, ‘anything’ and you ask, ‘what?’” I teased as I spread my fingers on her ribs and lightly tickled her.

“Stop! I’m ticklish!” She giggled as she writhed in the water, my arms still holding her firmly against me.

I stopped—not only because she’d asked me to, but also because if she kept rubbing her soft, wet curves along my straining shaft I was going to explode in my swim trunks.

When her laughter subsided, she ran her hands through her hair, once again lifting the wet strands off her gorgeous face. She looked happy. Truly happy. Knowing that I had put the wide-open smile on her beautiful face made me feel prouder than when I’d thrown the winning touchdown for my Super Bowl win that I was willing to give up to have this moment.

“What do you want to ask me?” she asked playfully as we swayed in the water.

“Did I interrupt something when I came to pick you up tonight?”

When her mouth opened, I thought she was going to say no, but she closed it. Then opened and closed it again. After the third time, her answer was clear.

“I’ll take that as a yes.” My hands flexed around her hips, my fingers gripping her backside. “What were you doing?” I asked, as my dick twitched painfully at the thought of what I was ninety-nine percent sure she’d been doing.

“I was… I got… I needed to…” She stumbled over her words. I noticed that she did that when she was nervous too, in addition to twisting her hair, biting her lip, and tapping her foot.

“Get off?” I finished for her. The second the words left my mouth, I knew there was a very real possibility I’d crossed the line with her, but like always, she surprised me.

Lifting her chin, she never broke eye contact as she admitted, “Yes.”

The fact that she’d been masturbating before our date made me harder than I’d ever been. It also didn’t help that I hadn’t had sex in six weeks, which was like dog years for my sex life.

“What did you use?” I wanted details, and with the way Julianna was rolling her hips so her sex was rubbing against my rock hard erection, I didn’t think she’d mind giving them.

Her brow knitted in the center. “What?”

Maybe she does mind. Only one way to know for sure.

“Your hand or a toy or—”

“Oh,” she said, as understanding dawned on her. “My hand.”

At her description, my hands began kneading the flesh of her rounded ass cheeks, the water between our bodies adding to the sensual feeling.

“What did you think about?” I asked.

Her breath was growing more and more labored. My body surged with need as she bit her bottom lip before answering.

“You.”

“What was I doing?” I growled as waves of desire crashed over me.

“Kissing me.” Her soft voice was barely audible.

“Just kissing you?”

I rocked my cock harder between her legs, and Julianna’s nails dug into my shoulders as she sighed with need. She nodded, but the mischievous glint in her large doe eyes inspired me to ask one more follow-up question.

“Was I kissing you on your mouth?”

She shook her head no.

“Where was I kissing you?”

“Here,” she said as she rocked her hips seductively against me.

“Fuck,” I whispered under my breath as my cock swelled like the Hulk when he was angry. Thinking of Julianna pleasuring herself as she fantasized about me going down on her was so hot that it caused my body to shake with need.

Holding her hips in place, I ground my length against her. She wrapped her arms around my neck and held on to me as I continued pressing against her neediest spot, but being under water was not giving me the leverage necessary to give her what her body needed.

“Cole, please,” she pleaded as she sucked in a harsh breath.

“Please what?” For some reason I had to hear her say what she wanted.

Lifting her head from my shoulder, she said, “Kiss me.”

Since she hadn’t specified where, I figured it was dealer’s choice. With the agility of countless crouching tigers and hidden dragons, I picked her up, set her on the side of the pool, and spread her legs.

She gasped. “Cole, what are yo—?”

Her question was cut short when I pulled the wet fabric of her bikini bottoms to the side and covered the glistening lips of her swollen sex in a suctioning kiss. My tongue curled and licked her clit as my mouth pressed firmly against her, sucking lightly.

“Oh my Go…” Julianna didn’t finish her thought as her body convulsed and her hands fisted in my hair, holding me in place.

Wanting to taste more of her arousal and less chlorine water, I slid my tongue along the seam of her opening. It pulsed in response as her hips bucked. She tasted so sweet that I licked her again. She cried out and her thighs began shaking. Taking my cues from her, I licked up and down the tight skin of her entrance while I moved my thumb to her distended nub and rubbed the roughened pad of my callused finger back and forth over it.

“Oh my… That feels… I’m gonna…” As the words fell from her mouth, her entire body contracted and her fingers knotted tighter in my hair. As she did, a sting ran from my scalp to my balls.

Hardening my tongue, I pushed it in and out of her body. Every nerve of my body lit up with fiery arousal when I felt how tight her pussy was. My tongue fit snugly in her slick entrance. My tongue. Thinking about another part of my body sliding into her almost sent me up and over the edge right there.

Julianna’s stomach contracted several times and her fists gripped even tighter. I held her hips as she rode out her release while I tasted the arousal that coated my mouth. As her body relaxed, I ran my thumb in circles around her swollen clit and licked her in long, rhythmic strokes.

“That felt so…” she muttered as her limbs went limp.

Kissing her once more between her legs, which was my new favorite place in the world, I looked up and saw her flushed, beautiful eyes staring down at me as she caught her breath. I wanted to lick the water dripping over the luscious mounds of her breasts and onto her flat stomach. I also wanted to take her into my house, strip her naked, and make sweet love to her until…forever.

“So…good,” she managed to get out between breaths.

“Good, huh?” Reluctantly, I adjusted her bathing suit back in place. My knuckles rubbed against her sex over the fabric of her suit and a tremor ran through her. A smile spread on my face as I moved beside her and lifted myself out of the water. “I’ll do better than good next time.”

She playfully swatted at me as I retrieved our towels. “That’s not what I meant.”

“You ready for dinner?” I asked, as I lifted her up to a standing position and wrapped the large, white towel around her shoulders.

“Dinner?” she repeated in surprise.

“Yeah, dinner.”

Tonight had been amazing, and at this point, I was fairly certain she wouldn’t wake up and regret what’d happened between us. But if it went any further, I was almost positive she would put up walls that would rival the Great Wall of China.

“Okay,” she said, still sounding a little unsure.

Unsure, I could handle. She didn’t need to know what my plans were just yet. I was taking the lead—she’d been doing it long enough.

CHAPTER 19

Julianna

What am I doing?

I sat on my porch, sipped my coffee, and watched the sunrise as a question kept swimming through my mind. It was the same one that had kept popping into my head since I’d asked Cole if friends kiss. Of course, it’d only gotten worse since I’d confessed to him that I’d pleasured myself while thinking about him and then let him act out my fantasy in his backyard.

Was I too young to be having a midlife crisis? Since Cole Carson had walked into my life, I hadn’t been behaving like myself. Yesterday, I hadn’t even finished my daily list. Which had never happened. Never. Not even when Anthony had been a toddler and I’d had double pneumonia. During those two weeks while I was sick as a dog and chasing after an active two-year-old, I’d still managed to finish all of my to-dos.

Technically, I hadn’t finished my list on Monday either. Sure, it had all gotten done, thanks to the Super Maids, but I hadn’t done it. I’d planned on completing my tasks as soon as I got home, but instead I’d fallen into bed and right to sleep.

Last night, after Cole had made me come—so hard, by the way, that I’d seen stars and had been concerned I’d never regain my full vision—he’d warmed up dinner for us and we’d sat at his kitchen table and talked until after two in the morning. Talked. That was it. No kissing. Other than a few innocent brushes of his hand on my arm or over my hand, there hadn’t even been any touching.

I had learned all about Cole’s childhood. Hillary, his mom, had raised him alone, and from what it sounded like, he had not made it easy on her. Especially during his high school days. He’d been quite popular with the ladies, and he’d taken full advantage of that.

Cole had told me that his plan B, if football hadn’t worked out, was to be a teacher and coach. He’d talked about his college days, being a first-round draft pick, and his first few years in the league. Coach Maddox had been an instrumental part of his adjustment to all of the temptations, lifestyle changes, and pressures that came with being a professional athlete.

I’d even opened up about my life. Well, at least more than I normally did. We’d covered everything from my childhood, being a teen mom, to the struggles of raising Anthony. The thing that surprised me most was not that I had talked about all of the things I’d never talked about with another soul; it was how natural it had felt to do so.

“Have you slept?” Megan pulled the belt on her robe tighter as she stepped out onto the porch. “Chloe was up a couple of hours ago and I saw Cole dropping you off.”

“I napped.”

Sitting on the swing beside me, Megan clapped. “Okay, spill. I want all the dirty details of all the dirty deeds of you and Football Hottie’s fornications. I’m a married mom with two kids and I am totally, shamelessly going to live vicariously through you.”

I laughed at how excited her face looked. “Sorry. I don’t kiss and tell.”

“Ha! So there was kissing.” Megan pointed her finger in accusation.

Oh yes! There was kissing, all right.

I mimed closing a zipper across my lips, locking the key, and tossing it over my shoulder.

“Oh now your lips are sealed. I bet they weren’t last night.” Megan comically wagged her light-brown eyebrows then sighed and sat back against the wooden swing. “Seriously though. I am so happy for you. You deserve someone amazing to sweep you off your feet and give you your happily ever after.”

“Whoa.” I set my cup of coffee down and lifted my hands defensively. “Cole and I aren’t… This isn’t a… It’s not like… It’s nothing.”

Megan laughed and waved her hand in my direction The-Price-is-Right style. Then, in a patronizing tone, she said, “Obviously.”

“You know what I mean.” I swatted her hand away, “I mean we’re not together like that. We’re just hanging out. It’s not serious. We’re not anything.”

“I think thou doth protest too much.” Megan swung her feet out and the swing creaked as it rocked back and forth. “Also, I’m not sure super-hot football-hottie Cole Carson would agree with that dismal assessment.”

I knew that Megan was not going to drop this. Normally, I was a one-woman show. When I had problems, issues, or difficulties, I handled them with no help. I’d learned, the hard way, the only person I could depend on was myself. But this situation had me so confused, off-balance, and unsure that I thought I might as well use my resources and talk to Megan. Not joking around. Seriously talk.

So, I voiced the cold, hard fact, that I, myself, was having a difficult time coming to terms with. “Realistically, this—whatever this is—can’t go anywhere.”

“Why not?” Megan asked, as if my statement was ridiculous.

When I opened my mouth, words shot out like racehorses when the starting gates opened. “Let’s say, for argument’s sake, that he is actually interested in something more. He’s a professional football player. And not just any football player—he’s the starting quarterback of the LA Legends. He’s also a confirmed bachelor with more notches on his belt than the Girl Scouts have cookies. He’s rich, drives a luxury SUV, lives in the Hollywood hills, and up until a few weeks ago, he had a ‘hookup apartment’—his words.

“And I’m a mom. A single mom of a ten-year-old son. I work all the time and barely make ends meet. I live in a two-bedroom condo that I can’t really afford and drive a car that is on its last wheels—literally. And I haven’t had sex in ten years. Does that sound like a match made in heaven to you?”

Megan was quiet for a few moments before she covered her hands over her chest and practically swooned. “He got rid of his hookup apartment?”

“That’s what you got out of everything I just said?”

“That and the fact that you haven’t gotten laid in a decade, but I didn’t think you’d want me to comment on that. Although it does explain a lot.”

“Come on, I’m serious,” I pleaded with my friend.

“So am I,” Megan said with a straight, one-hundred-percent sincere face.

My shoulders slumped. Megan did not truly understand what was at stake here. This wasn’t a joke. It was my life.

“I don’t think I’m going to see him anymore.”

If I had a chance of walking out of this situation with my heart and sanity intact, walking away now—before I got even more attached—was really my only option. I was supposed to see Cole tonight, but I would just call and cancel. If he showed up, I just wouldn’t answer the door.

Perhaps sensing my defeated spirit, Megan offered some advice. “Look, I totally understand why you’d think there’s no future for you and Cole. I do. I don’t agree with you, but I understand. Still, I think you’re looking a gift horse in the mouth.”

“What do you mean? I’m not a gold digger—”

“No!” Megan interrupted. “That’s not what I meant. I mean you are holding the golden ticket to the chocolate factory and you don’t even know it.”

“Other than the fact that that was a Charlie and The Chocolate Factory reference, I’m not following.”

Megan sighed as if it was as obvious as the nose on her face and I wasn’t seeing it. “You just said that you’ve been in a pretty epic dry spell. Right? And now, you have a gorgeous man you are obviously attracted to, who I assume you trust since you let him hang out with Anthony, who I know would love to be the one to break said dry spell. And you have”—she counted on her fingers as she mouthed days of the week—“three nights of being a footloose and fancy-free single woman with no responsibilities. I say you cash in your freak pass. No. I dare you to cash in your freak pass.”

“My freak pass?”

“Yes. Even if you’re right and nothing long term can happen between you and Cole, that doesn’t mean that you can’t live out every single fantasy you’ve ever had with a man who, I would bet Chloe and Cameron’s college funds, knows exactly how to fulfill anything you can dream up to total and complete satisfaction. Get in. Get some. Get out.”

I felt my cheeks heat up with the memory of just how satisfied Cole had left me last night.

“When will you ever get this opportunity again?” Megan implored.

Never.

The possibilities of Megan’s insane proposal were tempting. I didn’t trust in a future between us, but I did trust Cole, and trust didn’t come easy for me. If last night was any indication, he definitely wanted to take things to a more physical level.

My heart raced as I seriously contemplated cashing in my freak pass. If I went into this with my eyes wide open, and laid down some nonnegotiable rules, then it just might work. No strings. No expectations. No future.

As Megan had so eloquently put it: get in, get some, get out. Just three nights of physical pleasure. I could indulge in every desire, every sexual need I’d pushed down and ignored for the last ten years.

“Well, it looks like you’re having an a-ha moment of the naughty variety. My work here is done. I’m going to go try to get some sleep before Robbie and the girls get up.” When Megan stood, the swing rocked back.

“Thanks,” I said sincerely.

Megan was a good friend, and although I’d tried to build my life so that I didn’t depend on anyone, I honestly didn’t know what I would do without my nosy neighbor who, sometime over the past four years, had become my best friend.

“Anytime, chickadee.” Megan grinned as she opened her front door and paused before heading inside. “I kind of feel like your fairy godmother—if your fairytale were being featured on the Red Shoe Diaries.”

I laughed and shook my head at Megan’s analogy. My life was definitely taking a Skinemax turn. The question was: could I actually star in my own fantasies?

CHAPTER 20

Cole

“I can come back,” I offered loudly as I knocked on Josie’s open office door.

I’d gotten a text that she needed to see me ASAP. I figured that it probably had to do with a press opportunity for the football clinic. I’d been making the rounds on radio shows and doing FB and Instagram lives to promote it.

But when I arrived, she and Maddox were in a face-to-face standoff and neither looked to be backing down. At first I thought that something might be going on between them but from their expressions it wasn’t friendly. Still, there was definitely some tension between the two of them.

“Come on in. We’re done.” Josie sounded all business as she smoothed her hands down her silk shirt and pencil skirt and made her way back behind her desk.

“We’re not done,” Maddox stated firmly, “but we can pick this up later.”

“Fine,” Josie replied and other than the flush covering her neck and cheeks, she looked like the picture of professionalism.

Maddox nodded to me as he left. “Good luck.”

I had no idea what I would need luck for, but I said, “Thanks.” Then I took a seat in front of Josie’s desk. “What’s up?”

I suddenly had the feeling of having been called into the principal’s office, but considering that over the past month and a half I’d been on my best behavior, I was clueless as to what had landed me here.

“We have a problem.” Turning her computer screen so it faced me, Josie clicked her mouse on a small video that was saved on her desktop.

When the screen popped up, I saw that it was security footage from the front gate of the stadium. My white Range Rover came into view, and my visit to the principal, a.k.a. Josephine Walsh, became crystal clear.

I watched as the driver’s side door of my vehicle opened and I stepped out, stalking towards that little dipshit Chad, who backed up and tripped over his own feet. The footage then went on to show me help Chad, who was falling, up by his collar and slam him into the guard station, pinning him against the door. There was no audio on the video, but I remembered verbatim what I’d said to Chad.

After Anthony had informed me that Chad had been hitting on Julianna every time they went to the stadium and had stepped up his game to stalker status when, a few weeks ago, he’d followed them home and showed up on their doorstep I paid him a visit of my own.

“What’s the problem?” I asked, not at all sorry for my behavior. In fact, I was proud that I hadn’t broken any bones or knocked out any teeth. I’d told him that if he ever even looked in Julianna or Anthony’s direction, I would kill him.

Josie shifted the screen back to face her. “Chad is claiming that you threatened his life.”

“And?” I still didn’t see what the issue was. It hadn’t been an empty threat. If that asshole so much as sniffed in Julianna’s or Anthony’s direction, he would no longer be breathing.

“And Chad is threatening to go to the press and the authorities.” Josie’s voice was strained.

“And?” I repeated. I didn’t give a shit if he went to the press. I didn’t care what anyone thought about me, and I knew the asshole wasn’t going to go to the cops. I’d asked Robbie about the situation and he’d said that he’d taken down his driver’s and license plate numbers and said if Julianna so much as saw him at the grocery store, he’d arrest him for harassment.

“Cole, this is serious. I called legal, and you’re going to have to meet with them. You can’t go around threatening the lives of LA Legend employees.”

“Then you should tell your employees not to stalk people.”

“What?” Confusion clouded Josie’s face. “Stalk who?”

“Julianna Perez. She’s Anthony’s mo—”

“I know who she is, Cole.” She looked at me like I was trying to teach the alphabet to a Harvard professor.

“Chad’s been harassing her every time she brings Anthony to practice, and a few weeks ago, he followed her home.”

“He followed her home?”

“Yes.”

“Did she call the police? File a report?”

I shook my head. “No. Her neighbor is a detective. He took down Chad’s license plates and told him not to show up again.”

Josie’s eyes narrowed. “And did he?”

“No.”

“Then what was this about?” She waved her hand in front of the screen.

“I just wanted to make sure that he got the message.”

Josie sighed and placed her hands flat on the desk. “Look, it’s obvious that you did not abide by the fraternization guidelines. Which is bad enough, but now you’re threatening people’s lives. I don’t know what’s going on with you and Julianna, and it’s honestly none of my business, but you can’t let whatever it is make you do things that put the organization and your career in jeopardy. Are we clear?”

I nodded.

“I’ll fill legal in on what you told me regarding the circumstances leading up to the incident. You should hear from them by the end of the day.”

“Fine.” I stood to leave.

“I think I know the answer to this, but is it serious?” She tapped her pen on her desk.

“I thought you said it was none of your business.”

“It’s not.” She smiled. “But that doesn’t mean a girl can’t be curious.”

I grinned. I sometimes forgot that Josie was a woman and not just the drill sergeant. Not that she wasn’t smokin’ hot. She was. But she just carried herself in a way that made me not see her as a member of the opposite sex. I realized that she probably did that because she was in a very male-driven field.

I wasn’t so sure she was flying under Maddox’s radar though. Actually, now that I thought about it, the two of them could be really good together. Maddox hadn’t been the same since he lost his wife. And Josie was the real deal.

Damn. I fall in love and I want everyone around me in love too.

Since she didn’t strike me as the gossipy type, I answered her honestly. “It’s serious to me.”

“Good. I like her and Anthony. If you were just playing games—”

“I’m not,” I assured her. Then I added, “Not that it’s any of your business.”

“Not that it’s any of my business.” Josie nodded, her lips turning up in a smile as she brought her attention back to her computer.

As I made my way down the hall of the executive offices at the stadium, I looked at the large color photos of players hanging on the wall. Football had been my life for as long as I could remember. Sure, I’d been close to my mom and spent time with friends, but the game had consumed me.

Every year when June rolled around, I was always excited to start training camp. In April and May, I lived for OTA (organized team activities), which normally ran for five days. OTA was basically training camp light. They ran plays with no pads and had weight training sessions. Most veteran players didn’t like them; they wanted to be doing whatever it was they did during the off-season. But I loved them. I loved the game—period.

Nothing had ever come close to competing with the love and passion I had for football.

Until now.

Until Julianna.

CHAPTER 21

Julianna

I jumped a few inches off the ground at the loud knock on the door. Glancing towards the clock, I saw that Cole was early. Again. Since the first night when he was ten minutes late, he’d made it a point to be early. A few times he’d beat Anthony and me home.

As I walked over to let him in, I made a mental note to start adjusting my expectations. Every time Cole told me that he was going to be somewhere at a certain time, he was really going to be ten to fifteen minutes early.

Not that it would matter after Saturday. Once Anthony came home, this—whatever it was—ended. A clean break. That was the only way I knew I’d be able to come out on the other end of this in one piece emotionally.

Reaching for the door handle, I noticed that my hand was shaking. The entire day, all I’d been able to think about was turning in my “freak pass.” Getting in. Getting some. Getting out. I’d made a list of pros and cons. Although stopping this now, before anything had really gotten started, definitely had more checks in the pros column, there was one check in the column I couldn’t ignore: ending my sex drought with Cole Carson.

As mature and selfless as I’d tried to be while raising Anthony, I was still a woman with needs and desires. I’d put them on the back burner, but Cole had switched them to the front burner and turned the heat on high. My body was burning with a frenzied craving only he could quench.

Megan’s words kept coming back to me. I had three more nights that I was, basically, off mom-duty. I could use that time safely and stop seeing Cole or I could make the most of it and explore my deepest fantasies with a partner so perfect that I couldn’t have cast him better if it really were a Red Shoe Diaries episode.

At lunch, I’d deleted my pro-con list. I was doing this. Decision made.

Taking a deep, steadying breath, I opened the door. Cole was on the other side, holding flowers and a bottle of wine. My eyes ran over the swells of his biceps, which were pulling against his black T-shirt, down the vein popping out on his forearm, and over his large hands.

I’d done a little research on quarterbacks and found out that most of them had larger-than-normal-sized hands.

Ah, yeah. Mmmm, those hands. They made me feel safe and secure and, at the same time, aroused and on edge.

“God, you look beautiful.”

I felt my cheeks blush at Cole’s compliment. It was a variation on his nightly theme, but da-yum, it never got old.

Today, I’d gone on yet another shopping adventure at lunch. This time, I’d gotten an appropriate dress to proposition someone in…and suitable undergarments, should the proposition-ee take me up on it.

It hadn’t been as easy a style to capture as one might think. I’d tried on at least a dozen dresses before landing on this one. It was a red, cotton dress with spaghetti straps, and it had a fitted bodice and waist with a flared skirt. It landed mid-thigh, and I’d paired it with tan wedges to give my legs a long, lean appearance.

After work, I’d rushed home and showered, making sure I had enough time to blow out my hair, which hung loose around my shoulders and fell past the midway point of my back.

I’d even brought out the big guns and put on the Chanel No. 5 I’d received from the girls at work for Christmas last year.

“You look pretty good yourself.” I inwardly cringed at my flirting skills. I was so out of practice that they weren’t just rusty; they were nonexistent. “These are amazing. Thank you.”

After taking the flowers from Cole, I placed them on the table along the wall, where my key basket and Anthony’s homework folder lived. When I turned back around, I found myself wrapped in Cole’s strong arms, being pulled against his hard body. My mind was still trying to catch up to what was going on, but my body had already begun melting against his.

“I missed you today.” His low voice vibrated through me.

I didn’t say anything as I adjusted to the feeling of being hugged. Really hugged. My body was both acutely aroused and comfortingly soothed from the long embrace. It was strange how one act could inspire both emotions so equally.

“Did you have a good day?” he asked, rubbing his hands up and down my back.

“Mmm, hmm.” I nodded my head against the muscular plane of his chest.

Leaning back, he moved his hands to my bare shoulders and peered down at me, concern filling his emerald eyes. “You okay?”

“Yeah.” I tried my best not to reveal the fact that nerves were zipping and zapping around my body like a squirrel on speed. Attempting to reroute the conversation from me and my current state of unrest, I moved out of Cole’s arms and over to the couch. “How was your day?”

He followed and sat beside me, resting his hand on my knee. Damn. How was I going to concentrate on anything while he was touching me? Even on an innocent area like my knee.

“It was okay. There was a legal issue that I got called in to deal with, but other than that, it was pretty uneventful.”

“A legal issue?”

As his thumb began rubbing back and forth in the dip of my inner thigh, all I could think about was how good it had felt last night when he’d rubbed his thumb on my…

“Yeah. And it involved you.”

“Me?” That got my attention. My focus was no longer on his magic touch.

He nodded. “You know that security guard, Chad?”

“Uh huh.” Since he’d shown up at my house and Robbie had had a talk with him, he wouldn’t even look at me when I drove through the guard station.

“He was threatening to press charges against me and sell his story to TMZ. But it’s all taken care of now,” Cole explained as if, one, I knew what the heck he was talking about and, two, as if someone pressing charges against him were no big deal.

“Why? What story?”

“That I threatened to kill him.”

“Did you?” I couldn’t imagine Cole getting angry at all, much less to the point that he’d tell someone that he was going to kill them.

“Yes,” he said, with an edge to his tone that made goose bumps break out on my arms.

“Why?” My heart pounded and I had to admit my panties grew damp as I waited for the answer.

I should not have been turned on by the fact that Cole had threatened someone’s life. My mind knew that, but unfortunately, parts of my body further south had not received the memo.

It was the way he held himself, with such self-contained control and power, which was so hot. Scorching, panty-melting H-O-T.

“Anthony told me that he’d been harassing you and he showed up at your house.”

This was about me? Cole had gotten in trouble because of me?

“What?!” I started to stand.

However, I didn’t get too far. Cole’s hand tightened around my leg, holding me firmly in place.

“You didn’t have to… He wasn’t… Anthony shouldn’t have…” I had so many emotions flooding me that I wasn’t sure which issue to address first.

As calm as could be, he answered, “Yes, I did have to. Chad was out of line. And Anthony only told me because he was worried about it.”

“He was?”

“Yeah, he wasn’t going to go to camp.”

This was the first I was hearing about it. “He wasn’t?”

“No. He was scared to leave because he didn’t want you to be alone.”

I was going to have to have a long talk with my son when he got back. Anthony had been calling me every night, but this was definitely an in-person kind of talk.

There was no way Anthony should feel responsible for me. He was the child, I was the adult. I was the one who protected him, not the other way around. I thought I’d made that clear, but it looked like I’d need to remind him.

“Well, I’m sorry if you got in any trouble. It really wasn’t that big of a deal. It happens.”

Cole’s jaw clenched. “A guy follows you home and that’s not a big deal? It happens? How often does it happen?”

I had taken care of myself all of my life, and I really didn’t appreciate being treated like I hadn’t. Crossing my arms, I scooted away from his touch as I said, “Well, if I remember correctly, you showed up at my house. Uninvited. Just a few weeks ago.”

“That’s different.”

“How?”

Cole raked his fingers through his thick, brown hair in frustration. My own fingers tingled at the memory of how that hair had felt fisted in my hands.

“Chad had been asking you out, harassing you for weeks.”

“I remember you asking me to go for pizza and me declining,” I pointed out.

“Yeah, but you wanted to go out with me. You were just scared of what that meant.”

True. He’d hit the nail on the head, but I wasn’t about to inflate his ego any larger than it already was. And I’d made my point.

“When’s the last time you dated someone?”

The question had come out of the blue. I wasn’t sure if it was just his way to change the subject or if it was because he actually wanted to know.

“Last night.” I knew that that probably wasn’t what he was asking, but it was the truth.

A slow smile crept up Cole’s face. “Before me.”

I swallowed over the lump that’d formed in my throat. This conversation had taken a sharp turn into my love life, which was not a road that I normally wanted to travel…although it did give me the perfect opening to bring up my proposal.

Sitting up straighter, I took a deep breath, hoping I could go through with this. “I haven’t dated anyone since Anthony was born.”

Cole’s eyes widened. “He’s ten.”

“Yes. I know that.”

A wrinkle appeared on his forehead as he asked, “So, what, you just hooked up with people?”

“No. I didn’t hook up with anyone. I didn’t want the complications.”

He looked like I’d just told him that I was an alien from the planet Abstinence.

“And I still don’t. Life is messy enough. Between Anthony and work, my life is full. But…” I knew that this was like getting into a pool of cold water. I couldn’t dip my toe in first—I needed to dive right into the deep end. “I would like to spend the three nights I have until Anthony gets home with you.”

“Spend them with me?” he asked slowly as his eyes darkened.

I nodded. And gulped.

“Having sex.” he clarified, bluntly.

“Yes. But, after Saturday, it ends.” I could hear the shakiness in my voice. My pulse raced and I feared I might throw up. “Three nights. No strings. No promises. No future. That’s the only way I can do this.”

CHAPTER 22

Cole

Is she joking?

I couldn’t believe what Julianna was telling me. She wanted to have three nights of no-strings-attached sex and then pretend it’d never happened. It was every single guy’s dream scenario. “Yes!” should’ve automatically popped out of my mouth. But it didn’t.

“What if three nights isn’t enough?” I heard myself asking.

“It has to be.” Julianna dug her heels in. As if it were that simple. As if her time frame was written in stone.

I weighed my options. I could push the fact that I wanted more now or I could go along with what she was suggesting and show her how good we could be together. It was really a no-brainer.

“Okay.”

“Okay?” She sounded unsure, and she immediately began twisting her hair and biting the inside of her lip.

She was a nervous wreck. Not only was her body language screaming that fact, her eyes were also filled with uncertainty and anxiety. Not exactly the mood I wanted to set before we made love.

If I kissed her now, I knew I could ease her into forgetting all about her jitters, but I had a better idea. Standing up, I walked over to the iPod dock that was sitting on the television console.

“What are you doing?” Julianna questioned from the couch.

“I think, to celebrate our agreement, we need,”—I scrolled through my phone, found the playlist I’d made when I’d found out that Julianna loved ’90s music, set it in the dock, and pushed play—“a dance party.”

As the beginning beats of Bell Biv DeVoe’s “Poison” filled the air, I turned around and stuck out my hand.

Julianna laughed and shook her head, staying where she was. “How did you know about…?”

“Anthony,” we said in unison.

“He’s grounded,” she teased as she let me pull her to her feet.

By the time the chorus came on, we were both singing the lyrics at the top of our lungs as we danced around her small living room.

Pulling out moves I hadn’t used since middle school, I kept up with Julianna as the dance party continued through Sir Mix-A-Lot’s “Baby Got Back,” Wreckx-N-Effect’s “Rumpshaker,” Salt-N-Pepa’s “Shoop,” Montell Jordan’s “This Is How We Do It,” 69 Boyz’s “Tootsee Roll,” and DJ Jazzy Jeff & The Fresh Prince’s “Summertime.” When the slow melody of Keith Sweat’s “I’ll Give All My Love to You” began playing, I pulled her into my arms.

She went willingly, and this time, unlike the hug I’d given her at the front door, when her hands had stayed by her side, she wrapped her arms around my neck. Her soft curves molded perfectly against my body as we swayed back and forth, and with each step, my body grew harder and harder.

Between the heated foreplay of the last two days, her announcement that she wanted to have sex with me the next three nights, and watching her body move seductively as she’d danced against me, I was harder than a rock and my balls were bluer than a Smurf.

As arousal pulsed in every fiber of my being, I spread my hand over her soft hair, holding her to my chest. She felt so small, so vulnerable in my arms, when she tightened her hold around my neck. The gravity of this situation hit me while I ran my fingers through her silky hair and rubbed down her back.

Julianna hadn’t been with anyone since she’d had her son. Even though she’d insisted that this was just a limited time arrangement, I still felt honored that she’d chosen me. It wasn’t a big secret that she could be with any man she wanted. Hell, men followed her home to try to be close to her.

As she had so pointedly reminded me, even I’d found out where she lived and come up with a lame excuse to show up because I hadn’t been able to get her out of my mind. This was a big deal, and I wanted, needed to show her how seriously I took it.

With the heels of her sandals, she was several inches taller than she normally was, so I took advantage of that and pulled her hair to one side, exposing the graceful slope of her neck. When I pressed my lips to the tender skin below her jaw, her breath caught and she tilted her chin up, giving me total access. Opening my mouth, I licked the sensitive area and then nipped it with my teeth. Then I kissed her again and felt her pulse racing beneath my lips.

Need crashed over me. I’d tried to keep the overwhelming desire I felt for her at bay, but it hit me now like a Mack truck. Not able to wait a second longer, I continued kissing, licking, and sucking on her neck as I picked her up and carried her down the hall to her bedroom. Her legs locked around my waist as my hands gripped her ass.

When we reached her bed, I set her down slowly. Her arms remained around my neck as I unzipped the back of her dress. The palms of my hands tingled with anticipation and my mind was cloudy with lust.

There was only a small amount of light drifting in from the front room and it surrounded Julianna’s body like a halo, making the entire scene even more surreal. I was having a hard time convincing myself that this was actually happening. It seemed more like a dream I was destined to wake up from.

I began gathering the material of her cotton dress in my hands to pull it over her head when she moved back a step, just out of my reach. The straps of her dress slipped off her shoulders as she lowered her arms, and she lifted one foot and then the other to step out of the dress. I watched, mesmerized, as she stood in front of me wearing nothing but a red lace bra and panty set.

Last night, after seeing her in her white bikini, I would’ve sworn that, other than being naked, she could never look sexier than she had in it. That was before I’d seen her in the lingerie she was wearing now. She looked heart-stoppingly, devastatingly sexy.

As my gaze raked over her body, I noticed that her hands were shaking as they hung beside her hips. When I looked up at her beautiful face, I saw that she was biting the inside of her lip. The dancing had taken away some of her anxiety, but now, it was back. I knew I needed to alleviate it.

“Well, it’s official,” I said, looking straight into her golden eyes.

“What is?” she asked hesitantly.

“You are the sexiest woman on the planet. I’ll have my publicist release a statement tomorrow.”

“Shut up,” she laughed, and I watched her shoulders drop as some of the tension drained from her.

“Well, at least from the front you are, but I’m going to need you to turn around before I can fully endorse you.” Closing the distance between us, I lifted her hand up over her head and spun her so that her back was facing me. “Okay. Now that I’ve seen this,” I said as I ran my hands down the smooth skin of her back and over her full hips, “I can wholeheartedly endorse you.”

Julianna laughed and looked over her shoulder at me, the dark caramel pools of her eyes sparkling with flirtation. A possessive wave washed over me as I pulled her back against my chest and slipped my hands around her tiny waist, wondering how I’d gotten so lucky. As I spread out my fingers on her flat stomach, which trembled beneath my touch, she leaned back and ran her fingers up my forearm. I watched as her red nails raked along my arm. My dick was throbbing painfully, pressed against her ample backside.

“Why are you still dressed?” she asked breathlessly as she rocked her ass against my erection.

Good question.

When she turned around we both started taking off my clothes. While I unbuttoned my jeans and unzipped my zipper, she pulled my shirt up. When it got stuck, I lifted my arms and tugged it the rest of the way. I pushed my jeans and boxer briefs down before stepping out of them. Then grabbed a condom out of my pocket and tossed it on the bedspread.

“Wow.” Julianna was looking at my body like she’d never seen a naked man before. Which, I realized, she might not have. She’d said that she’d only been with Anthony’s dad, and he was a teenager when they’d been together.

As she grazed her fingers along the lines of my abs, I hissed at how good her tentative touch felt. She continued her exploration up to my chest, and I was sure that she could feel my heart pounding ruthlessly against my ribcage.

Closing my eyes, I tried my best to relax and let her take her time, her touch growing bolder and bolder with each pass of her fingers. Over my shoulders, across my chest, down my abs, and then back up the way she had come. She repeated this pattern several times, stopping each time at my hips. When she didn’t move her hands up my abdomen on her final pass, I opened my eyes and found her staring at my steel-hard cock, which was proudly jutting out from my body.

Shifting her gaze up to me, Julianna asked, “Is it okay if… I mean, can I… Do you care if I touch you?”

Damn, her innocence was so fucking endearing. If I hadn’t already known I loved this girl, I would’ve fallen in love in that moment. My voice was strained as I gave her permission to do whatever the hell she wanted.

“You can touch me anywhere you want.”

Her pupils dilated as she nodded and looked back down, her breath coming in shorter pants. We both watched as she wrapped her slender fingers around my shaft and began to move them up and down. Having her touch me like this was probably the single most erotic moment in my life. Pleasure whipped through me at the sensual torment of her teasing caress. Breathing in through my nose, I tried to control my body’s response to her touch. My dick was throbbing heavily, and I saw a drop of arousal appear at the tip of my engorged head.

“Stop.” I grabbed her wrist.

“Why?” she questioned as she looked up at me.

“Because, if you don’t, I’m going to come all over your stomach. And when I come, I want to be inside you,” I explained as I reached behind her back, unclasped her bra, and then slid it down her arms.

“Oh,” she nodded in understanding.

With a soft swoosh, the garment fell to the ground. My hands shook as I hooked my thumbs in the string of her panties and pulled them down her toned legs. Her hands rested on my shoulders as I helped her step out of her sandals.

Once I had her totally naked, I picked her up and lowered her down to the mattress before moving above her. Her legs opened to me, and I settled between them. Resting my forearms on either side of her beautiful face, I ran my fingers through her silky hair as I kissed her forehead, cheeks, and chin. Then, moving down, I peppered kisses on her neck and collarbone before traveling lower to her full breasts. Her body writhed beneath me as I cupped her fleshy mounds and traced her nipple with my tongue, then sucked it into my mouth.

“Oh my god. That feels so good,” Julianna moaned as her fingers gripped my hair.

Her wet sex rubbed against my abs as I shifted from one breast to the other, showing equal attention to both. The longer I felt her arousal spreading on my belly, the more I needed to taste her again. My mouth watered with the memory of her sweet juices.

My hand ran down her body, skimming her ribs as I pressed hot open-mouthed kisses down her torso. Soft sighs filled the air as I moved between her legs and spread her thighs wide apart. Last night, I hadn’t been able to take the time I’d wanted to. Tonight, though, I had all the time in the world.

“Mmmm,” I moaned as I rubbed my thumbs up and down the outer lips of her sex. Her skin felt as soft as silk beneath my rough pads. “So fucking pretty.”

Her hips bucked at my compliment and she grew wetter under my touch.

“And so fucking wet,” I rasped before spreading her lips apart, flattening my tongue, and licking from the base of her pussy up to her clit.

“Oh, yes!” she cried out.

I knew I could make her come with just my tongue, but I needed to make sure she’d be ready for me. So, curling my tongue around her pleasure nub, I caressed the taut skin at the bottom of her entrance before pressing my middle finger into her tight passage.

Julianna’s inner walls clamped so tight around my finger that I hissed as I sucked her clit into my mouth. Working my finger in and out of her body, I flicked my tongue over her swollen button. When my finger was coated with her dripping arousal, I slipped another finger into her, stretching her as I did.

At the intrusion, her back arched, pushing her sex harder against my tongue. I waited for her to adjust to the thickness of two fingers inside her before I slid in and out, slowly at first and then faster and harder.

“That feels so good. Don’t stop,” she pleaded as her body milked my digits and I continued showering her with suckling kisses.

When I felt her inner walls beginning to convulse in release, I maintained the rhythmic strokes of my fingers and the illicit strokes of my tongue. She moaned in pleasure as a rush of liquid heat covered my hand and mouth.

Making her come like this made me want to pound my chest and roar. It awakened every primal, possessive instinct I hadn’t even known I had. Before Julianna, I’d enjoyed bringing women pleasure, but it’d never made me feel like a caveman.

As her body relaxed, I slowly pulled my fingers from her tight, wet heat. While she watched through heavy-lidded eyes, I spread her arousal over her nipples and licked her juices off them.

“You taste so good,” I growled as I sucked her breasts.

“Oh my god.” Her head fell to the side and she gripped my shoulders.

After making sure I’d licked her clean, I quickly grabbed the condom I’d thrown on the bed and rolled it on. She watched as I did, pulling her bottom lip between her teeth.

When it was in place I rubbed the tip of my dick up and down the seam of her sex, making sure she was wet and ready for me. When she rocked her hips up, seeking more contact, a small smile lifted on my lips. I loved that she wanted me just as much as I wanted her. But, knowing how long it’d been, I knew I needed to take things slow to make sure I didn’t hurt her.

“Tell me if you need me to stop,” I instructed as I wrapped my fingers around her slender wrist and pulled it over her head and then did the same with the other. When they were both in place I tightened my grip.

Then, staring into her amber eyes, I slowly sank into her. As her hands pulled against mine, I held them firmly in place. Inch by inch, I pressed into her moist, snug tunnel. Finally, when I filled her completely, I stilled. She felt so tight, so perfect. Our bodies aligned like two pieces of a jigsaw puzzle that were custom made for each other.

“I am going to make you feel so good,” I promised through gritted teeth as I rested my forehead against hers.

“You already have,” she whispered, rolling her hips into me.

I wanted to stay like this forever, buried deep inside Julianna’s body. But I knew that, if I only had three nights, I needed to show her just how good I could make her feel. She may believe that I’d already made her feel good, but she hadn’t seen anything yet.

CHAPTER 23

Julianna

Tears pricked behind my eyelids. Whether it was from the sting of Cole’s fullness or the overwhelming emotions of feeling truly connected to someone, I wasn’t sure. Or maybe the reason I was on the verge of crying was because my mind was swimming with doubt. This had just become very real. No more foreplay. We were having sex.

Was I doing the right thing? I barely knew Cole, yet instinctively, I trusted him with my body. Somehow, I’d convinced myself that I’d be able to walk away from this, from him, in a few days. Could I share the most intimate part of myself with someone and then walk away unaffected? Was that even possible?

When Cole began moving slowly, the sharp sting I’d initially felt transformed into pleasure, building like a snowball rolling down a hill, vaporizing every doubt floating in my mind.

I automatically tugged my arms down as my back arched. When I did, Cole’s fingers gripped my wrists tighter, and his firm hold caused a sweet shock of bliss to explode deep in my core.

The warmth of Cole’s breath fanned across my face as he hovered above me. He was everywhere. His hand held my arms above me as his large body covered me, his thick manhood filling me completely, making me feel cocooned by him. Protected. Taken care of. He was in total control, and I loved it.

For so long, I’d carried so much on my shoulders. I’d been the captain, first mate, and crew of my ship, and the seas of life had been rough. Closing my eyes, I did something I didn’t even know I was capable of: I let go. I let myself feel. I totally gave myself over to this experience.

Megan was right. I knew that I was never going to get another opportunity like this. My body was alive like it had never been before. I wasn’t going to overthink this and rob myself of even one iota of enjoyment.

“You feel so good,” Cole whispered roughly against my ear.

The deep vibration of his voice spread through me like a shockwave of pleasure. Goose bumps rose on my flesh as he drove in and out of my willing, pliant body.

Wanting to feel more of him, all of him, I wrapped my legs around his waist and locked my ankles at his lower back. When I did, my pelvis tilted and his rock hard length reached my internal pleasure center more commonly known as the G-spot.

“Oh, yes!” I cried out in ecstasy. “Right there.”

Cole moved his body in the perfect rhythm, sliding in and out of me with just enough force and the exact speed to send me barreling towards release. The hand he didn’t have keeping my wrists in place moved down my body and grasped my hip. When his long fingers spread to my backside and began kneading my flesh, I gasped with pleasure.

“That feels so good!”

“You feel so good,” he growled against my ear. “So fucking tight and wet. You make me so hard. So fucking hard. I never want to stop fucking you.”

My body exploded with tingles at Cole’s bold words. I’d only ever been with Jared, and we’d been teenagers. Most of our experiences had been over within minutes, and the most he’d done was grunt.

“I love being inside you,” Cole continued, “I love making you come.”

“Oh!” My fingers wrapped around the headboard as my body shuddered and my inner walls began clenching in spasms.

“Do you want to come?” he asked, as he licked the sensitive skin beneath my ear.

“Yes,” I breathed as he plunged into me with slightly more force. My body squeezed tightly as he pulled out and drove into me again.

“Tell me,” he commanded as he nipped my earlobe then pressed kisses down my neck as he erotically massaged my backside. “Tell me you want me to make you come.”

I opened my mouth but nothing came out. My body was flooding with too many fiery, exquisite sensations. And although I did not consider myself a shy person, his request had pushed me outside of my comfort zone. Which I knew was ridiculous. They were just words, and it wasn’t like it was a lie. I did want him to make me come.

“Tell me. Tell me you want me to make you come.” Cole repeated as his fingers dipped between my ass cheeks and began teasing me intimately with his fingertips.

A carnal ache pulsed deep inside me at his touch. I sucked in a shocked breath at the deliciously sensual and taboo graze of his finger.

“Yes,” I gasped. “I want to…I want you… to make me come.”

“Good girl.”

I could feel Cole’s smile against my neck.

Moving his hand back to my hips, he lifted me slightly off the bed and began thrusting with a power that overtook me in a matter of seconds. I exploded into a cloud of erotic oblivion. Ripples of ecstasy flowed through me as I was seized by a rush of sensation so intense that I shuddered uncontrollably.

As wave after wave of pleasure washed over me, he continued moving in and out of me, drawing my climax out. Just as my body began floating back from the stratosphere Cole had taken me to, I felt him tense above me and he drove into me one last time.

Opening my eyes, I watched as his climax took him. His jaw clenched, a vein popped out in his neck, and every muscle in his shoulders and arms flexed. I’d always heard that guys looked funny or ridiculous when they came, but Cole was sexier than ever.

He let out an audible breath, and his body relaxed. Releasing my hands, he bent down and kissed me on my forehead before standing and going into the bathroom. I immediately missed the weight of his body—not just physically, but the emotional feelings that his body covering mine inspired.

The bed dipped beside me when he returned. With one arm, he pulled me on top of him, my head resting on his chest as it rose and fell with his shallow breaths. My entire body was still buzzing from my orgasm as I listened to the sound of his heart beating.

“That was…” Cole didn’t finish as he brought his hand up and ran it through my hair.

I loved the way it felt when he did that, his fingers raking against my scalp. The sensation reminded me that I still wasn’t ready to come back to reality. Wanting just a few more minutes in the bubble of passion and affection he had created, I closed my eyes and remained silent.

“That was…” he started again, but he still didn’t finish.

Even though I knew it would probably pop my bubble, I lifted my head and placed my chin on his chest, looking up into his vivid, green eyes. “Good,” I smiled, using the same adjective I had at the pool.

“Smartass.” A wicked grin pulled at Cole’s lips as he playfully smacked my bare backside and laid his head back on the pillow.

The sting from Cole’s hand caused a tremor of orgasmic aftershock to erupt between my legs. I’d never understood the whole spanking-during-sex thing, but now, all I could think about was what it would feel like if he’d done that while he’d been inside me. I was glad that his perceptive gaze was not on mine as a blush rose on my face.

“Can you take tomorrow off of work?” he asked, sounding serious.

“No,” I automatically answered as I snuggled back into his chest. “Why?”

“Because…” He kissed the top of my head while his thumb made small circles on my lower back. My leg was draped over his and I felt his erection coming back to life against my inner thigh. “I don’t plan on letting you get much sleep tonight.”

“As luck would have it, I function just fine on little to no sleep.”

A renewed surge of lust shot through me at the thought of just how good my sleepless night was going to be.

CHAPTER 24

Julianna

I’d gotten exactly one hour of sleep the night before, but I wasn’t the least bit tired. Nervous energy raced through me as I scrolled down the list I’d created today to make sure I hadn’t forgotten anything. I felt like Santa, making a list and checking it twice. There was no question whether I was naughty or nice though. I was firmly in the naughty category.

Last night, Cole had opened up a side of me I hadn’t known existed, and before this arrangement was over, I wanted to explore it fully. Before yesterday, I’d had no idea how much I loved having my hands pinned above my head, dirty talk whispered into my ear, a light swat on my backside, doggy style, or even me being on top. But now I did, which made me think about all the other things I’d been missing out on.

If I was going to cash in my freak pass, then I planned on getting the most mileage out of it. So, all day, I’d been adding things to my BTD (bedroom to-do) list. I was using acronyms, because although I would be deleting it Saturday morning, I didn’t want to take the chance of it somehow remaining on my phone for someone to find. My trust issues obviously extended to technology.

Closing the notepad on my phone, I noticed the time and panic rose in my chest. I was supposed to be at Cole’s for dinner in ten minutes. Traffic tonight after work had been bumper to bumper. Today, had been one of those days where I’d been perpetually fifteen minutes behind schedule. Since my alarm went off at six a.m. and Cole had distracted me with a little morning delight, I’d been running late.

Counting this morning, we’d had sex a total of four times. My dry spell was officially over, and it had been worth the wait. Now, I just had to figure out what I was going to do after Saturday, because I was as certain of the fact that my body would go into serious Cole-withdrawals as I was that the sun would rise and set.

Melancholy settled over me like a dark cloud invading a sunny day, but I shook it off. Having amazing sex, even for a short period of time, was nothing to be sad about. Plus, I’d have the memories of this week forever. If anything, I should be concentrating on making as many memories as possible, not dwelling on the impending Cole-less future. Here and now—that’s what I was determined to put all my energy into.

I checked my reflection in the mirror above my dresser as I slipped on my shoes. Unfortunately, I’d only had time to put my hair up in a ponytail and throw on a maxi dress.

Oh, well. At least my bra and panties were lacy and pretty. Not that I planned on wearing them for very long.

After grabbing my purse, I shut off my bedroom light and practically jogged to my car. Once inside, I turned on my favorite radio station, which primarily played ’90s music, and Cole’s impromptu dance party popped into my mind.

I started laughing as memories of him doing the Running Man and Kid N’ Play Kick populated my mind. The man had some moves, and he definitely had no reservations about busting them out.

But what impressed me the most was that he’d known exactly what I’d needed. Granted, my experience with men was limited. But I was fairly certain that most, if not all, other men would not have led with a dance party after having been propositioned for three nights of no-strings sexy time.

When my phone buzzed, I looked down to see Anthony’s face on the screen. Once I’d put it on speaker, I answered, “Hey, bud. I miss you!”

“Hi, Mom. I miss you, too. What are you doing?”

“Driving,” I said generically. No need to tell him who I was driving to see. “How’s camp?”

“It’s good. We TP’d the counselor’s bunk last night, and today my team won the soda race.”

“The soda race?” TPing I knew, but a soda race was a new one for me.

“Yeah. You fill ten cups with soda and then you split up into two teams, five members each, and you drink as fast as you can. The team that drinks all the cups the fastest wins.”

“Oh, like boat race?” I knew that that was a drinking game played with beer, so I guessed that this was the version of it for ten-year-olds.

“No, we weren’t racing boats,” Anth explained as if I’d completely missed the point.

“No, that’s the name of a game where…Never mind.” I knew that, one day, Anthony would know all about drinking games that involved something stronger than soda, but I didn’t want to be the one to introduce him to it. I was still coming to terms with the fact that he was in the double digits, had a girlfriend, and was playing a contact sport. “I’m so glad you’re having fun, bud.”

“Yeah. And Cole called me today, too.”

I knew that Anthony and Cole got along, but I was surprised to hear that Cole had actually called her son at camp. “He did?”

“Uh huh.” Apparently, it was Anthony’s turn to answer generically.

“What did he want?”

“Just to check and see how camp was going.”

“That was nice of him.” I knew my son, and I felt like there was something he wasn’t telling me. Normally, I would push, but honestly, I wasn’t sure if this was a can of worms I wanted to open.

“Mom?” Anthony questioned.

“Yeah?” I braced myself for what I was sure was the pop of the can’s lid.

“Remember how you said that that guy from the parking lot thought he liked you but didn’t know you?”

“Yeah.” Had Cole told Anthony about how he’d confronted Chad? No. He wouldn’t have done that. Would he?

“Well”—Anthony paused—“I think that Cole likes you and I think he knows you.”

Hello, worms.

“Cole and I are just friends.”

Well, technically we were friends with benefits, but that was not a distinction I planned on pointing out to my son.

“I know. But he asks a lot of questions about you, and I think it’s because he likes you, likes you.”

“He asked you questions about me today?” What in the world could he have possibly wanted to know but felt he couldn’t ask me at this point?

“No, not today. But a lot before. He really wants to know you. He’s not like the other guys.”

That’s the understatement of the century.

“I think he really likes you,” my too-wise-for-his-own-good son repeated.

I could hear the hope in Anth’s voice, and I knew I needed to nip this in the bud. Of course Anthony would hope that Cole and I could be more than friends. What ten-year-old wouldn’t want their mom to date their hero? But the last thing I wanted was for Anthony to be disappointed when Cole stopped coming around. It was bad enough that I would be.

“We’re friends, Anth. That’s all.”

“Okay,” Anthony answered with a tinge of disappointment in his voice.

Hearing that disappointment, even if it’d been barely noticeable, cemented all the reasons I knew this had to end when Anthony got back. It was obvious that he was getting attached to Cole, which was fine as long as the lines between Cole and I did not get blurred in my son’s eyes. If they did, then I knew it would crush him when things inevitably didn’t work out.

“They’re ringing the dinner bell. I gotta go. Love you, Mom,” Anthony spoke quickly as a loud dinging sounded in the background.

“Love you, too.”

When I hung up, I decided that, I needed to have a chat with Cole. Whether or not he’d meant to give Anthony the wrong idea, he had. I needed to make sure he understood, in no uncertain terms, that it was unacceptable.

Cole and I were adults. If either of us got hurt because of our “get in, get some, get out” plan, then so be it. We were choosing to play a sexy game of no-strings-attached Russian roulette. But Anthony was a child, and I refused to let him get hurt.

CHAPTER 25

Cole

“Okay, I promise. I won’t ask Anthony any more questions about you.” I smiled as I topped off her glass of wine.

We were having dinner out on the patio in the backyard. The sun had set hours before, but the temperature was still around ninety. She looked breathtaking with her hair pulled back and a long, cream, cotton dress that hugged her curves. I was trying to concentrate on what she was saying, but I wasn’t doing a great job. My body was strung tight with need, and all I could think about was how badly I wanted to make love to her again.

Which was bad for a few reasons.

First, she was upset and deserved my full attention. Second, we were having a conversation about her son. My lascivious thoughts were not really appropriate. Third, I’d had sex with her just that morning—and a few times last night. That fact alone should’ve taken the edge off. Instead, it had the opposite effect. Instead of sating my desire, being with Julianna had made me crave her more. The second our first encounter had ended, I’d already been feenin’ for the next hit, like an addict.

“Cole, I’m serious. You’re giving him the wrong idea,” Julianna implored.

“What wrong idea?” I knew I really needed to do a better job of following along with the conversation.

“That you like me,” she said in exasperation.

“How is that the wrong idea? I do like you.”

“No…not like… I know you like me…but not… He can’t think…” With each word that came out of her mouth, her frustration seemed to be inflating more and more, like a balloon that was about to pop.

The last thing I wanted was to start this night off with her being agitated and upset. I wasn’t sure exactly where her aggravation was coming from, but obviously I hadn’t been sneaking in the questions about Julianna as smoothly as I’d thought.

“I’m sorry. I shouldn’t have asked him about you. Honestly, I thought he wouldn’t even notice. He’s a smart kid. Scary smart.”

At the compliment, Julianna’s face lit up like Times Square and she nodded. “He is smart. Nothing gets past him. When he was two, his pediatrician gave me a book on parenting gifted kids. I guess she knew even then the road I had ahead of me. I’m glad she did. I’ve read it cover to cover three times. The thing has more highlights than Malibu Barbie.”

“He’s so lucky to have you,” I said with genuine admiration. Thinking of her at eighteen, reading a book on parenting, highlighting every passage that she thought was important, broke my heart and filled me with pride.

“I’m the lucky one,” Julianna said, deflecting, though I could tell that she meant it.

“What was the other thing you wanted to talk about?”

“What?” she asked as she cut her pork chop. I noticed that she took special care not to let the meat touch her veggies.

“When you got here, you said you had two things to talk to me about.”

When I’d opened the door, the first words out of Julianna’s mouth had been, “We need to talk.” Basically the four words that made any grown man cringe. And when I’d asked what about, she’d told me, “Two things, actually.” We’d covered the first, no more questions to Anthony. Now, I wanted to knock out the second so I could pick her up, throw her over my shoulder, and take her to my bed.

“Oh…it can wait.” A pink blush rose up her cheeks. She quickly put the bite of food in her mouth and began chewing.

It was obvious that she was stalling, and I got nervous that I might be about to get the “it’s not you, it’s me” speech even though, technically, we weren’t even in a relationship. Not a conventional one, anyway. I’d never been on the receiving end of that speech. Sitting on this side was no fun.

“It’s that bad, huh?” I smiled, hoping she wouldn’t see how nervous the thought of her ending this now made me. There was no way I was going to make it through the rest of the dinner without having a clue of what else she needed to talk about.

“No.” As she shook her head, the pink tint turned a deeper rose color. “Well, it is, but not in the way you’re thinking.”

“Okay, now you have to tell me.” I tried to appear casual as I picked my beer up and leaned back in the chair.

“Why?” she asked, a challenge sparking in her large doe eyes.

“You can’t say it’s ‘bad but not in the way I’m thinking’ and actually expect me to drop it. Come on now.”

She stared at me for several seconds, and I had no idea what was going on behind her coffee-colored gaze. There was definitely some nervousness, some apprehension, but her lips were curved up and her body language read more embarrassed than serious.

Shaking her head, her reply was the opposite of what her manner communicated.

“Fine,” she said, a little defiant. Then, after taking a deep breath and wiping her mouth with her napkin, she grabbed her glass of wine and drank the contents in two gulps.

I was growing more and more intrigued as each second passed.

“I made a list today,” she explained as she pulled her phone from her purse, which was sitting in the chair beside her.

“A list?” I repeated.

What could be embarrassing about a list? I wondered if this was like in middle school when girls used to pass me anonymous notes of the top ten things they liked about me. They all had variations of the same title: Reasons I Like Cole. The lists were actually pretty similar as well. His hair, eyes, smile, butt.

“Yes.” She swallowed hard and took in a shaky breath. Straightening her shoulders, she sat up taller. “Last night when we…you know…I liked things that I didn’t know I would like. A lot. So, that got me thinking. There are things that I definitely want to do again, and there are also new things that I’d like to explore. I wrote them down since we only have two more nights. I didn’t want to forget anything.”

“You made a sex list?” My pants instantly grew tighter. That was so much better than a “Reasons I Like Cole” list.

“A to-do list,” she clarified with a prim and proper tone.

“A sex to-do list.” A huge smile spread across my face. I couldn’t help it. The sexiest woman in the world had just told me that she’d made a list of sexual things she wanted to experience with me.

“Tomayto, tomahto,” she said dismissively.

“Can I see it?”

“Sure,” she said hesitantly, sounding anything but sure.

As she reached across the table to give me the phone, her eyes were glued to the device and her hand was shaking. When I wrapped my fingers around her wrists, I could feel her pulse racing wildly beneath my touch.

I waited for her to look up at me before assuring her, “Just so you know, unless this list includes putting needles in my dick, I am all in. Whatever you want to explore is good with me. I just feel so fucking lucky that you trust me enough to share your body, your time, and your list with me.”

I almost added, Oh and by the way, I’m totally, head-over-heels in love with you, but I really didn’t think she was ready to hear that.

Biting her lip, she nodded and slipped her hand out of mine. I held her phone and looked down only after a small smile lifted on her perfect lips.

The first thing I noticed was the title. I asked, “BTD?”

I’d heard of BDSM but never BTD.

“Bedroom to-do list, not sex to-do list,” she answered, as she started nervously twisting her hair.

“Tomayto, tomahto,” I repeated.

As I scrolled, I saw that the list consisted solely of acronyms, none of which made any sense to me. I looked for BJ, the only one I’d know for sure, but unfortunately, it hadn’t made the list. I had no idea how to decipher any of these, so I started asking.

“DT?”

“Dirty talk.”

I could definitely do that.

“BF?” My eyes shot to hers. That one I wasn’t sure if I could do. “Do you want to have a threesome with your best friend?”

It’s not that I hadn’t had threesomes before—I had. They were great. But there was no way I wanted to share her with anyone. Not even a hot best friend.

Julianna tilted her head to the side and gave him a look that made it clear he’d guessed wrong. “Blindfold.”

“That makes more sense.” Glancing down with relief, I read the next set of letters. “HP?”

“Hair pulled.”

“SP?”

“Spanked.”

A low moan rumbled in my chest. This was some of the hottest foreplay I’d ever engaged in. Last night, when I’d given her a light swat, I’d felt her pussy get wet against my leg. I’d tried to ignore it because we’d just had sex, but just like concentrating on the earlier conversation, I hadn’t done that great of a job.

“OS?”

“Oral sex.”

“But I—”

“I meant giving it to you.”

Holy shit. BJ was on the list—it was just incognito.

“IN?”

“Ice on my nipples. I saw it in a movie once and I thought it looked like…it might feel good.”

“Fuck,” I said under my breath as I moved in my chair to adjust my painfully erect dick. “You’re killing me here.”

At my obvious discomfort, Julianna’s entire demeanor changed. Instead of looking nervous and anxious, she looked excited. She stopped twisting her hair and leaned her forearms on the table. Instead of biting the inside of her mouth, her perfectly straight, white teeth bit down on her lower lip.

“TU?”

“Tied up,” she answered boldly, her eyes shimmering lustily. “I loved the feeling when you had my hands pinned above my head. I loved being completely at your mercy. I loved you being totally in control of my body.”

That was it. Her admission was the sensual straw that broke my rock-hard camel’s back. There were several other letter combos on the screen, but I could not wait another second. Standing up, I stalked around the table in two steps.

Julianna’s eyes widened as she stood. “What are you—?”

But her question was cut off when I picked her up by the waist and put her over my shoulder, giving her ass a quick swat.

“Checking things off that list.”

CHAPTER 26

Julianna

I couldn’t help but giggle as Cole walked through his house with purpose, my body slung over his shoulder. Being swept off my feet—or I guess my chair—and being carried in a fireman hold had not been on my list, but I would’ve put it on there if I’d known how it felt. His muscular arms held me in place like I weighed nothing. His strength was quickly ranking as one of my favorite things about him. It made me feel so safe and taken care of.

When he stopped, I saw that we were in the kitchen. I pushed off his lower back and twisted around. I couldn’t really see anything from my position, but I heard a cabinet door shut and then the distinct sound of ice cubes being dispensed from the refrigerator door. Next thing I knew, we were on the move again. Cole’s steps were long and purposeful as he walked down a long hall that I assumed led to his bedroom.

My heart was racing, my mind was spinning, and my stomach was turning. I wasn’t sure if it was from nervousness or excitement. Probably both. When he’d started reading the list, I had felt embarrassment rise up inside me like the time I’d accidentally put dishwashing soap instead of dishwasher detergent in the dishwasher, creating a never-ending sea of bubbles. I’d felt like the list showed what a rookie I was.

But all that changed when I saw how the items and my descriptions were affecting Cole—how turned on he was getting. It had caused me to be bolder than I ever imagined I could be.

I felt myself being lowered to the ground, and before I had a chance to take in my surroundings, my dress was being pulled over my head. Cole had amazing reflexes and dexterity. And while I was sure that both of those things made him the amazing quarterback he was, they also didn’t hurt in the bedroom.

Once my dress was off, I was left standing in just my bra and panties. When Cole stepped back, his gaze roamed hungrily up and down my body as it heated up under his intense scrutiny. I could feel his stare like his fingers were roaming over me.

“So sexy,”’ he whispered reverently as his finger traced the scalloped outline of my lace bra.

Taking his time, he slowly ran his finger back and forth over both breasts. The featherlight touch of his calloused fingers set my body on fire. My chest rose and fell heavily as my breathing started coming in short pants. After the second pass of his sensual exploration, my knees buckled and I was afraid I wouldn’t be able to stand. My weak-kneed response was not just from the amazing sensations rippling through me from his touch. It was also because of the way he looked at me like I was the only thing he could see.

When he looked at me, it was as if the rest of the world disappeared for him and I was all that existed. When he looked at me, it felt like the sun was shining, just on me—and on a cloudy day, to boot. When he looked at me, it chased away every insecurity and fear.

After my freak pass expired and this ended, that would be what I would miss the most—the look in Cole’s eyes when he stared at me.

“Stay here,” he commanded roughly before he left me standing in the middle of his large bedroom.

As he moved to the closet, I took the opportunity to check out the area. His room was masculine, but warm. I was standing at the end of a large, oak, four-poster bed with a white down comforter. There was a matching dresser and desk against one wall and a large picture window on the other. Art depicting jazz players and the LA skyline hung on the wall. It was warm and cozy, not at all like the sterile bachelor bedroom I’d imagined.

When Cole emerged from the closet, I could see that he had several things in his hands, but in the dim lighting, I couldn’t make out what they were.

What I could see was that he’d removed his shirt, and at the sight, my mouth went dry. The soft light filtering in through the hallway highlighted the lines and dips of his muscular frame.

His body was a masterpiece. A work of art. His overwhelming silhouette looked so large, dominating, and incredibly male, reminding me of a powerful animal.

I watched as Cole began lighting candles around his room, entranced by the way his back and arms moved. Stepping over to his bedside table, he turned on a small device that looked like a speaker and pressed something on his phone. The sound of “Unchained Melody” by The Righteous Brothers filled the air.

When he turned back around to face me, I noticed that he was holding a tie in his hand. A rush of arousal shot to my core, thinking about whether he was going to use it to tie me up or blindfold me. And as he walked toward me like a lion stalking his prey, I found that I couldn’t breathe in anticipation.

He closed the distance between us in just a few long strides, then tilted my chin so that I was looking up at him.

“Breathe.” He smiled down at me affectionately.

I let out a breath.

“Better?” he asked.

“Yes,” I answered honestly, realizing that this exchange was the perfect example of why I implicitly trusted Cole with my body. He put me and my needs first.

Just like with the dance party, he made my comfort—not just physical but emotional, as well—his priority.

“Good.”

When he tossed the tie on the bed, I noticed that there were actually two of them. Before I had a chance to consider why that was, Cole’s warm lips were covering mine. His mouth captured mine as his hands framed my face. He kissed me with a tenderness that broke my heart.

It was heartbreaking because none of this was real. This was temporary. A dream, and I would wake up far too soon. As much as I kept reminding myself of that fact, my freak pass partner was making it harder and harder to remember.

I parted my lips to him, and his talented tongue slid past them. As he masterfully explored the recesses of my mouth, he sent spirals of ecstasy flowing through me. His lips were both strong and gentle, his tongue moist and firm. The sensual massage of his passionate kiss launched currents of desire racing down my spine. My body molded against his strength as I let myself get lost in the velvety warmth of his mouth.

When he pulled away from me, I was left panting with need. Slowly, he unclasped my bra and slid the straps off my shoulders before pulling my panties down. Then, after picking me up as if I weighed nothing, he gently eased me onto the bed. Starting at my neck, he began covering my body with kisses—over my shoulder, my arms, my belly, my legs—pausing to whisper his love for each of the body parts he was showering attention on.

His mouth never touched my neediest places. Instead, his lips and tongue trailed around my breasts, down my ribs, over my hipbones, across my lower belly, and up and down my inner thighs. Hoping he was saving the best for last, I tried to lie back patiently and wait for Cole to circle back. The problem was that patience was not what his talented mouth was inspiring. Desperate need—that was what Cole’s relentless seduction was inducing me to feel.

I was about to reach my breaking point—to beg him to touch me, kiss me where I needed it most—when Cole rose up, sitting back on his heels, and picked up one of the ties that were lying beside us. A sensual glint gleamed in his emerald-green eyes as he stared down at me, running the silk material through his hands. The candlelight danced off his muscular chest and arms as I lay beneath him, naked and completely exposed. It was an erotically heady sensation.

Cole cradled my wrist and brought it to his mouth. He pressed an openmouthed kiss against my skin before lifting my other hand and repeating the motion. Then he wrapped the tie around both of them. Once he’d tied them firmly together, he raised my arms above my head and secured them to one of the bedposts.

The pounding of my heart was all I could hear. It even drowned out the soft music playing. Everything about this experience was taking on a surreal feeling.

“Pull,” Cole rasped.

Doing as instructed, I tugged my arms down, but they did not budge. I was held captive by the restraints.

“Good,” he said, sounding pleased as his hands ran down my arms and he leaned back on his heels.

“Have you done this before?” I wasn’t sure why I asked. It was just that the knots he’d tied seemed professional grade, definitely not amateur hour.

A small grin pulled at his lips, “I learned how to tie all kinds of knots in Boy Scouts.”

Even with the overwhelming nature of this encounter I still noticed that he hadn’t really answered the question. If I were being honest with myself, I knew what the answer would’ve been. Pushing those thoughts from my head, I decided that the past didn’t matter tonight, and neither did the future. All that mattered was the present.

Me and Cole. Right here. Right now.

CHAPTER 27

Cole

Julianna continued to surprise me. If someone would’ve told me last week, or even last night, that I’d have her naked and tied up in my bed, I would’ve told them that they were smoking crack. But as it turned out, she was the epitome of a lady in the streets and a freakiest of freaks in the sheets. And I loved it. I loved her.

This wasn’t going to end on Saturday—not if I had anything to say about it.

As I picked up the other tie, I realized that it would’ve made the most sense to blindfold her before I’d bound her hands since I needed to tie it behind her head. Luckily, I was a problem solver.

The idea of having Julianna at my mercy, as she’d put it, had caused me to get ahead of myself so I had to change my plans for her. Her wrists were tied tightly together and I had left a small amount of material for give before I’d secured the knot to the post. Gripping her hips, I lifted her and flipped her on her stomach.

Gasping in surprise, Julianna turned her head to look over her shoulder, her voice shaky as she whispered, “Cole?”

After running my hands up the backs of her thighs, I dipped my fingers into the sweet spot between her legs. My finger grazed over the slick, pouty lips of her sex.

“Do you trust me?”

I knew she liked this. Liked it when I took charge. I didn’t want to push her past her comfort zone, but I definitely wanted to push her to the edge of it. I could only do that if she trusted me completely.

As I waited for her response, I rubbed the damp seam of her opening, feeling her growing wetter with each pass of my finger.

Through choppy breaths, she finally answered, “Yes.” Then she lowered her head, her cheek resting on the comforter.

I knew that, if I continued my intimate massage, I could make her come just like this. Just by touching her. But I had other plans.

When I removed my hand, I grinned as she groaned in protest and bucked her hips. Once I’d picked up the second tie again, I placed it over her eyes and pulled the material taut around her head before knotting it. With the blindfold in place, I turned Julianna onto her back, her full breasts bouncing at the motion. My mouth watered as my dick painfully pressed against my zipper.

Moving off the bed, I unbuttoned and unzipped my jeans. Julianna’s head turned in my direction, her lips parted as she breathed heavily. I stared down at her, blindfolded and lying on my bed with her hands bound to my bedpost.

She was totally bare, a flush covering her skin, her legs just far enough apart that I could see her sex glazed with arousal. She was my ultimate fantasy come to life. Now, I just had to make all of her fantasies come to life, as well.

Picking up an ice cube from a glass I’d filled on the way to the bedroom, I joined her on the bed. The ice was melting, and drops of water dripped down my finger.

“Open your mouth,” I instructed.

When she did as I’d said, I pressed the ice cube to her pretty mouth.

“Suck,” I commanded roughly.

Without hesitation, she wrapped her lips around the cube and sucked it into her mouth. I held on to it, pulling it in and out of her mouth, mimicking what I knew she wanted to do to my dick. The sight caused my balls to tingle and my cock to strain heavily as blood rushed to it.

After she’d sucked all of the excess moisture from the ice, I took it out of her mouth. Then, using the hand that wasn’t holding the ice, I ran my forefinger around the outline of each of her areolas, her nipples pebbling to hard nubs as I did. Not able to resist tasting her beaded flesh, I leaned over her, nipping and licking her nipples before replacing my mouth with the ice.

At the first touch of the cold cube, Julianna drew in a sharp breath. But as I traced the ice around her nipple then pressed my lips to where the ice had been, sucking off the trail of cold water it’d left, she began making soft sounds of pleasure. The more I repeated the process, the louder she got.

When the ice was almost gone, I trailed what was left of the frozen piece down her belly. Her skin was so hot that it immediately melted. My dick throbbed with need as I moved between her legs. Spreading her thighs, I saw that her pussy was glistening with her juices. As much as I wanted to dive into this experience, as tempted as I was to bury my face in my favorite place in the world, I was scared that, if I did, this would be over before it started.

My sex life before Julianna had never been boring. In fact, it was kind of well-known to be legendary. Not that I ever bragged about it. It was the opposite, actually. I never talked about the women I’d been with. But they did. And a lot of my encounters had made it back to my teammates, which had made me into somewhat of a legend on the Legends.

In all of my varied and wild sexual adventures, I’d never once been in danger of coming before we’d even started. With Julianna, that seemed to be the norm. My body was so in tune with hers that, when I brought her pleasure, it affected me on a base level.

After grabbing the condom I’d retrieved from the closet, I rolled it down my aching shaft. Once I’d sheathed myself, I pushed my balls down in an attempt to buy myself some more time before I exploded.

“Cole?” the uncertainty in her tone reminded me that this was new to her, that I needed to make sure she felt safe and taken care of.

“I’m right here,” I said as I lined my engorged tip up with her opening.

Her hips jerked and her head fell to the side. With my hand, I guided my iron-hard dick up and down her wet entrance, not pushing past her tight opening. As I did, her clit grew swollen, begging for my attention. With my thumb, I rubbed it in circles as her arousal grew, coating the tip of my cock.

When I saw her body trembling and felt her slit clenching in spasms, I entered her with one driving thrust.

“Yes!” Julianna cried out as her back arched and her arms pulled against her restraints.

A primal need raged in me as I relentlessly drove in and out of her. My thumb continued to rub her pleasure nub. Over and over again, I plunged into her tight heat. I went mindless with a possessive fever as I claimed her body as mine.

White-hot bursts of pleasure exploded through me when I felt her inner walls clamp tightly around me. A silent cry escaped her mouth as she strained for her release, pumping her hips against mine. I continued to rub her pleasure button with one hand and with the other I roughly grasped her hip. I tilted her body up so that I could drive deeper into her. The change of position was all it took for Julianna to begin shuddering beneath me. At the same time thunder bolts of fulfillment erupted in my body and I rode out my own jarring, pulsing climax.

As I began returning to reality from my out-of-this-world orgasm, I opened my eyes and saw Julianna panting in exhaustion, her legs limp and resting on my thighs. Gently, I untied her hands before removing her blindfold. When I did, she blinked several times opening her expressive doe eyes and smiled.

“That was…”

“Good?” I grinned.

“Yeah. Good,” she chuckled in agreement.

After leaning down and placing a kiss on her full lips, I jumped up and disposed of the condom. When I lay back down, I pulled her over to me. Like the perfect puzzle piece, she molded to the side of my body and she rested her head on my chest.

My mind was spinning at how strong my feelings for her were as I lifted my hand and raked my fingers through her silky hair. Some strands had fallen loose from her ponytail, so I brushed them off her face, loving the feeling of taking care of her. I wanted to do that for the rest of my life. And not just her—Anthony, too. I loved that kid, and I knew better than anyone what it was like to grow up without a dad. I would be honored to step into that role in Anthony’s life.

I knew that, just like she’d needed to talk to me tonight, I also needed to talk to her. Julianna might not like what I had to say. She might not be ready to hear it either. But ready or not, like it or not, I was in love with her and I couldn’t keep going on like this, even for one more night, without telling her.

Urgency built in me as I pressed my lips to her forehead. “Baby, we need to talk.”

When she didn’t answer, I had a split-second moment of paranoia where I thought that, somehow, she must have psychic powers and knew exactly what I wanted to talk to her about, and was ignoring me. That moment passed quickly when I heard the soft sounds of snoring. Warmth filled my chest as I placed one more kiss to her forehead and settled back into my pillows.

She needed sleep. I’d kept her up last night, and she’d worked a full day, whereas I’d taken a nap after my workout. She worked too hard, which was another thing I wanted to talk to her about. But it would have to wait.

Tomorrow. I would talk to her tomorrow.

CHAPTER 28

Julianna

Reaching for a patient file on the top shelf, I couldn’t believe how sore I was in places I’d never been sore before. My upper and lower back, my arms, and my inner thighs all protested in pain with every move I made. Who knew that being tied up could be such a workout?

When I’d woken up this morning at six fifteen, I’d attempted to scramble out of bed because I was running late. Instead of quickly and gracefully exiting the bed, I’d moved more like an elderly woman with arthritis on a cold winter morning.

Cole had tried to talk me into staying home, letting him give me a massage, and soaking in a hot bath. As tempting as that had sounded, I knew better than to waste a sick or vacation day. Those things were like gold to single parents. There was no way I could justify using one on myself. What would happen if Anthony got sick or I needed to take time off to chaperone a field trip? One day might not be a lot when you have two people raising a child, but when it was all on one person, one day made all the difference in the world.

When I’d seen Cole’s sincere disappointment that he couldn’t sway me to play hooky I offered to cook dinner at my place tonight. It really was the least I could do. So far, he’d always been the one to provide our feasts. Even though it had started out as a peace offering, I was actually excited to cook for Cole.

I was also excited to see how many other things I could check off my list tonight. Cole had proven that he could combine several experiences in one when he’d blindfolded and bound me before skillfully and masterfully teasing my nipples with ice. At the memory, my sex clenched and I shifted uncomfortably in my rolling chair.

Shaking off the thoughts of my sexual escapades, I turned my attention to the files I needed to pull for the afternoon appointments. My mind had been wandering all day. If I didn’t get this done, I’d have to work through lunch, and I was starving. I needed to concentrate.

My mental trips alternated between this being my last night with Cole and all that might entail, and recaps of the past few weeks with him. Not just this last week, when things had gotten physical. The nights he’d come over for the two weeks leading up to when Anthony left for camp kept popping in there too.

From the three of us playing Scrabble to watching movies and having dinner. Cole had even helped us clean out the small garage we had. It was like he fit with us. Anthony had even called him our third Musketeer.

And that was what terrified me.

As much as I hated the fact that our time together was almost up, I was also relieved. My intention going into this had been for things to be purely physical. But the problem was that I liked Cole. More than liked him, actually.

At this point, I knew I’d be walking away with a shredded heart. One I would need to take time to mend—and even then I wasn’t sure I’d be able to get over him.

If this went on for even one more week, I feared that my heart and soul would never be whole again. I’d be completely destroyed. I was getting too used to his smile, his texts, his smell. Him. Which might’ve been okay—amazing, even—if he were a regular guy and not Cole Carson, starting quarterback for the LA Legends, whose womanizing ways were well documented.

But he was.

The same melancholy cloud settled over me that had been showing up all week. I needed to stop wishing that things were different and just be grateful for the sexy vacation I’d had from my life this week.

“Julianna!” Sharon called from the front desk at the same time that my phone buzzed in my pocket.

Figuring it was my alarm alerting me it was lunch time, I was pulling it out to turn it off when I walked around the corner and saw four people—three men and one women—standing with massage tables under their arms in the waiting room. Looking down at my phone, I saw that the buzzing wasn’t my alarm, it was a text.

Cole: Since you wouldn’t let me massage you today, I’ve called in professionals.

“You did what?” I said out loud.

“Ms. Perez, we’re here to give you and your coworkers massages,” one of the masseuses spoke up.

Just as I was wrapping my head around that, another text came through.

Cole: Eat up. You’re going to need your strength. I plan on wearing you out tonight.

“What are you talking about?” I asked aloud as I stared down at my phone.

Then a voice came from behind the massage team. “Where would you like us to set this up?”

I peeked around the four masseuses and their tables to see two delivery people with a ton of food.

“Conference room. We want it in the conference room. Hannah! Yvette! Get out here! We’re getting massages and there’s food!” Sharon yelled excitedly to their coworkers before turning to face me. “Did you win a contest or something?”

“Yeah.” I nodded. Or something.

There was no way I was going to tell the ladies I worked with about my…whatever it was…with Cole Carson. They were sweet, and I enjoyed working with them, but they gossiped more than schoolgirls. If they had even a hint that I knew Cole, they’d be all over it like white on rice.

When Yvette and Hannah came out and saw what was going on, the three ladies erupted in cheers, all giving me hugs and thanking me profusely. I realized that, once again, Cole had spoiled me and he’d included the people who were important to me. First, he’d done it when he’d gotten the maid service and meal for Megan and Robbie, which I could’ve written off as a strategic move so that I’d have a harder time saying no. But this time… What could he possibly get from going the extra mile and sending enough food and masseuses for the rest of the girls at work? It couldn’t have been about sleeping with me—that ship had sailed right into very naughty waters.

As we all made our way to the conference room, I texted back to thank him.

Me: I don’t even know what to say. Thank you doesn’t seem like enough…but thank you!!

Before I even put my phone back in my pocket, it buzzed again.

Cole: Don’t worry… I know a lot of ways you can thank me tonight.

I smiled as I closed out the screen before any of my nosy coworkers got a glimpse at the texts and started asking questions.

Once we got to the conference room, we were handed robes to put on. All four of us went to the restroom and changed. When I came back into the conference room, I walked to the first table, but the woman at the end raised her hand.

“Ms. Perez, I’m going to be your masseuse today.”

“Oh, okay.” As I approached the woman, I wondered if Cole had specifically requested a woman and not a man to be the one to administer my massage, but I quickly dismissed that ridiculous thought. Cole wouldn’t be jealous. He was Cole Carson and I was me. He was a player. He’d happily agreed to this only being a one-week arrangement. This wasn’t serious to him.

Right?

CHAPTER 29

Cole

“So what’s up with you threatening the life and scaring the shit out of some security guard?” Maddox asked, as he spotted me on the weight bench. “Is this about the kid’s mom?”

I set the bar back in the cradle and sat up. I wiped my face with a towel and sighed. I’d hoped that this situation would stay between Josie, legal, and me, but that didn’t appear to be the case.

“So, what’s the deal, man? You just marking your territory?” Maddox asked.

I ignored his question. I was tempted to explain that Chad had been harassing Julianna and then followed her home, but I was almost positive that Maddox knew that and was just trying to get a rise out of me.

“Sooo…” my friend and coach crossed his arms. “I guess you decided not to take my advice to leave it alone.”

Again, I didn’t answer. If Maddox wanted to talk about this, that was on him—I was not going to participate. Not when I was so unsure about what my future held with Julianna. Tonight. That’s all I knew I had with her for sure. After that, I had no idea. Hopefully, Maddox would get bored with a one-sided conversation and drop it.

Instead, he shook his head slowly. “Oh, how the mighty have fallen.”

Okay, so maybe he wasn’t going to get tired of talking to himself.

I stood and walked over to grab my water. I knew that this was probably amusing as shit to him, but I was not in the mood to deal with it. All day, all I’d been able to think about was what was going to happen when I told Julianna how I felt. Never in my life had I been this nervous.

What if she didn’t feel the same way I did? I knew that she wanted me, but did she want me? What if she walked away from this and didn’t look back? How could I make her see how good we would be together?

Julianna had built an entire life that, as much as I wanted to be a part of it, did not include me. She was like an island unto herself. She depended on one person and one person only—the person she saw in the mirror.

My mom had given me some insights into what it was like to be a single mom, and I respected all Julianna had done. But I was scared that the walls she’d built for self-protection might not come down easily. Not that I wouldn’t put in the work. I would. But I was still worried that it wouldn’t be enough.

In a few weeks, I’d be leaving for training camp. How could I prove to her that I would be there for her, when I wasn’t actually there?

“Damn. I didn’t know it was that bad.” Maddox stepped beside me and slapped his hand on my shoulder. “I was just giving you a hard time, but shit, man. You look miserable.”

I shrugged “It’s complicated.”

“Most things that are worth it are. If she’s the one, then it’s worth it.”

“She’s the one,” I answered automatically.

“Well, then there’s only one thing you can do.” A knowing smile spread on Maddox’s face. It was the same grin he got when he knew that he had the play that would break a game open.

“What’s that?” I sure as shit didn’t have the answers, and at this point, I was desperate.

“Un-complicate it,” he stated as if it were obvious.

I nodded, but I really didn’t think it would be that simple. I almost asked how, but I feared that would be getting dangerously close to a Taster’s Choice moment, and that really wasn’t my MO.

As we continued our workout, Maddox dropped the topic, but my mind kept filling with Julianna. The way she twisted her hair when she was nervous. The way she separated all of her food on her plate, because she didn’t want any of the flavors to mix. The way her face lit up whenever she talked about Anthony.

I didn’t know what the fuck I’d been doing before she and Anthony had walked into my life. My past existence seemed so shallow now. I’d lived for myself. Now I had two people I wanted the opportunity to live for, and I was scared shitless I wouldn’t get the chance.

CHAPTER 30

Julianna

I raced into the house and dropped the groceries on the counter. I was late. Again. It seemed to be a recurring theme this week.

Cole would be here any minute. I needed to prep dinner and take a shower. I would skip the shower, but while the oil the massage therapist had used was amazing, the lavender scent was seriously getting to my sinuses.

After removing the veggies from the bag, I quickly washed and chopped them. Luckily, I planned on making a simple and fast dinner. Chicken tacos were my specialty. They were always a crowd pleaser, but I was a little nervous that Cole wouldn’t like them.

Or maybe I was nervous because this was our last night together. Or maybe I was nervous about what other things we would check off my list tonight.

Whatever the reason, all the relaxation I’d gained from the amazing massage I’d gotten this afternoon was gone. Stressed didn’t even begin to cover what I was feeling. I’d been biting the inside of my mouth so hard on the drive home that I was surprised I hadn’t drawn blood.

So many different scenarios of how tonight was going to play out had congested my mind that, if they were cars, there’d be more bumper-to-bumper traffic than the 405 on the Friday night before Memorial Day weekend. Some of the scenarios were so ridiculous that I hadn’t even entertained them. But I’d narrowed the possible, plausible outcomes to best case versus worst case.

As far as I could see it, best-case scenario went like this: Cole showed up tonight. We had a lovely dinner. We got down and dirty. Cole left. I picked up Anthony tomorrow afternoon and went on with my life.

Then there was worst-case scenario: Cole showed up tonight. Things were awkward between us because I was being a basket case. Things got physical. I got emotional. Cole thought I was a crazy. He left. I picked up Anthony tomorrow and I spent not months, not years, but the rest of my life trying to get over him.

I was hoping with all my heart that it would be the former.

After placing the shredded chicken in the plastic baggie to marinate and tossing it in the fridge, I was beginning to feel a little less frazzled. With dinner prepped, I only needed to hop in the shower. In ten minutes, I’d be back on schedule and ready to face Cole.

Just as I made it to my bedroom door, a loud knock sounded.

Shit. I’d been so close. Damn him and his early arrivals.

Turning on my heel, I resisted biting my inner lip for fear of drawing blood. I was greasy from my massage, wearing no makeup, and still in my scrubs. Adding a bloody mouth to that picture was not going to happen.

As I opened the door, I was all set to make a quick apology about how I was running late, tell Cole to make himself at home, and then escape to the bathroom. But the second I laid eyes on him, all of the air rushed from my lungs.

He was dressed in khaki shorts and a white shirt that looked amazing against his olive skin. His sexy five-o’clock shadow was in full effect. The muscles on his chest, forearms, and biceps were so defined and large that it looked like he’d spent the entire day at the gym, which he might have.

But his appearance wasn’t the reason I was having a hard time forcing oxygen into my lungs. It was the look in his eyes that had stolen my breath away. It was his normal possessive, passionate, primal stare but on super steroids. I felt it in every cell in my body.

“Can I come in?” Cole asked with a sexy half smile that made his dimple come out and say hi.

“Oh, yeah.” I stepped to the side to let him in as I shook my head, trying to clear the lust fog so I could string a sentence together. “Sorry…I’m um…out of it… I’m just…running a little late…so just stay…and I have to… I’ll just need—”

Cole cut off my rambling explanation by crushing his mouth to mine. His thumbs brushed along my jaw and his fingers gripped the back of my neck. All thoughts, except for how amazing Cole’s lips, tongue, and hands felt, disintegrated like granules of sugar in hot coffee. Then my tongue met his and I lost myself completely in the force of the kiss.

After what could’ve been an hour or a minute—I had no concept of time—he pulled away and looked down at me with so much affection that it made a tear come to my eye.

“Better?” he asked.

“Better.” I smiled, attempting not to let him see how the kiss and the look in his eyes were affecting me. Pulling out of his hold, I grabbed the remote control and pushed it in his hand. “I’m running a little late. I’m going to go take a quick shower. I won’t be long. Make yourself at home.”

Then I spun around so fast that my hair whipped me in the face as I rushed down the hall. Once I was in my bathroom, I shut the door and leaned against it, breathing hard. I had to get it together. The last thing I wanted was for Cole to see how much power he had over me.

Looking in the mirror, I barely recognized myself. My lips were swollen from Cole’s claiming kiss, my eyes were wild, and my shirt was wrinkled and disheveled. I was a mess.

In that moment, reality dropped on me like a ton of bricks. As amazing as this week had been, it wasn’t just good that it would be over after tonight—it was essential. If Cole could make me feel this much, get me to pull back the curtain I’d never let anyone behind in this short amount of time, then what would happen if we spent more time together?

I’d been worried about my heart, but Cole had the ability to crush my soul. That was not a luxury I could afford. My strength and my spirit were the only things that had gotten me through my mother abandoning me, my aunt kicking me out, and Jared leaving me.

After peeling off my scrubs, I turned the water to hot with a renewed sense of balance. All week—and, if I was keeping it real, for a while before that—I’d been falling for Cole. Hard. It made me feel weak, out of control, and vulnerable. It was like my life had been turned inside out, and I’d felt powerless to fix it.

The power I’d given this experience was the issue. Not Cole. He’d only been able to affect me as much as I’d let him. I needed to take my power back, gaining the control my life depended on.

Get in. Get some. Get out.

No harm. No foul. No heartbreak.

CHAPTER 31

Cole

I paced around the living room feeling like a wild animal trapped in a cage. I had so much I wanted to say to Julianna, to do to Julianna. Instead, I was wearing a hole in her carpet.

The second the shower came on I was reminded of the first night I’d been here. I’d been so confused, not sure about anything except the fact that I couldn’t get Julianna out of my mind. That I had no interest in anyone else.

Now, I had so much more clarity on the situation. So much had changed over the past few weeks. I loved Julianna and Anthony. My relationship with her had developed from strangers to friends and then to friends with benefits. All I had to do now was move that status up another notch.

Which brought me back to why I was walking in circles around the living room. I needed to cement our relationship and make things official between us. I couldn’t do that when she was in the shower.

Or could I?

Things had changed since the first night I was here, when it had killed me to think about her naked under the spray of water. I started taking off my clothes before I even made it half way down the hall, and I was rock hard before I reached the bathroom.

Opening the door, I stepped into a billow of steam. Behind a foggy glass door, Julianna’s pinup silhouette stood under the water. My body ached to be inside of her. After I tossed a condom on the counter, the handle clicked as I opened the glass shower door, and Julianna looked over her shoulder in surprise as I moved inside.

“What are you doin—?”

“Checking things off my list,” I stated as I closed the shower door behind me.

A gorgeous smile spread on her face as she wiped her hands over her hair and tilted her head back, rinsing it under the spray. “Is that right? Is taking a shower with me at the top of your list?”

“I didn’t say the top.” I inched forward, eliminating the distance between us. Running my hands up the sides of her waist, my palms and fingers glided easily over her slick skin as the water beat down on our bodies.

Lifting her brow, she playfully asked, “Really? What is on the top of your list, then?”

Marrying you.

The first words I thought to answer with surprised the hell out of me. I froze, my hands resting on her hips. I knew I loved Julianna, and yes, one day, I wanted to marry her. But I just realized this minute that, if she’d go down to a justice of the peace tonight, I would happily put a ring on it.

“Wow. Is it that freaky?” Julianna asked with a teasing tone when I didn’t answer.

However, I could see that there was an underlying trepidation to her statement. She’d misconstrued my epiphany as a freak flag. Pulling her close to me so that our wet bodies were rubbing against each other, I said, “You’ll find out.”

“Well, Mr. Mysterious, since you won’t tell me what’s on the top of your list, I guess I should just work on checking off what’s at the top of mine.” Her eyes shimmered with wicked intent, and my dick grew even harder.

I wasn’t sure what had happened in the few minutes since she’d left me standing in the living room, but she seemed like a totally different person. More confident. More self-assured. Which was great, but despite the fact that we were standing naked in each other’s arms, under hot water, I couldn’t help but notice that she also seemed more distant. It wasn’t about what her body was doing—it was the look in her eyes. When she looked at me, even with playful naughtiness, it was lacking intimacy. The dynamic between us had definitely shifted.

“Julianna, is everything okay—”

My question was cut off as slender fingers squeezed my thick shaft. I tried to concentrate on what I’d been about to ask her, but when she began sliding down to kneel in front of me, my mind went blank with lust. Like a sensual Etch A Sketch, she’d just erased every thought, concern, and worry I had.

When she wrapped her full lips around my thick tip, sealing them before sucking me into her wet mouth, pleasure whipped through me like a violent gust of wind. Placing one hand on the wall for support, I raked the other through her wet hair.

My heart beat erratically as I stood under the shower, guiding Julianna’s head up and down my length. Seeing her on her knees, dripping with the water that beat down on her from the shower head, while my dick slid in and out of her mouth—it made me feel like, after this moment, I could die a happy man. Everything in the world disappeared except the two of us.

Julianna’s cheeks hollowed as she sucked me off with more pressure and my knees locked. The suctioning swirl of her tongue sent a tingle of bliss shooting from my cock into my balls. This might’ve been on her sex to-do list, but she was definitely fulfilling my erotic fantasy. Actually, that could be said about everything on her list.

A surge of release filled me and I tightened my hand, fisting her hair as I pulled her off me and wrapped an arm around her. With speed and agility I scooped her up off the shower floor and turned the water off. Kicking the shower door open with more force than I’d meant to, it banged against the wall. I held Julianna tight to me even as she was slipping down my body and carried her to her bed, retrieving the condom I’d left on the counter on the way.

After I laid her down and quickly took care of protection, I pulled her to the edge of the bed and thrust inside her in one swift motion. Her fingernails dug into my forearms as I gripped her hips. Plunging in and out of her, I lowered down and pulled a taut nipple in my mouth, biting it with just the exact force I knew drove her crazy.

“Oh god!” she cried out as she arched her back, pushing her breast into my mouth.

Her hands moved to my head, holding me in place as I licked, nibbled, and suckled each of her breasts. I still couldn’t get over how responsive Julianna was to me and I was to her.

Every time we were together, I swore that it was the best, but then the next time, it would be better. Never in my life had I experienced that. It was like our bodies knew each other instinctually. There was not a doubt in my mind that I would never get enough of her.

Our bare skin glided sensually against each other, both of us still wet from the shower, which added to the eroticism of the experience. Drying us off hadn’t even crossed my mind. I’d been overwhelmed with urgency, and all I’d been able to think about was being inside Julianna, making her feel the way her mouth had made me feel.

When her inner walls began milking me, I felt myself teetering on the verge of one of the most powerful orgasms I’d ever had. Every muscle and every nerve in my body was alive, pleasure rushing through me like the waters of the rapids. Flexing my fingers into the soft flesh of her ample hips, I lifted Julianna’s body up off the bed and flipped her over, taking her from behind.

After the first thrust in this new position Julianna’s thighs began shaking and her body began convulsing in release. I swatted her ass. Since her skin was wet, the sound of the slap amplified.

“Yes!” she cried out.

Feeling her body clamp down on my shaft I did it again on her other cheek.

“Yes, yes, yes!” She cried as wet strands of hair dripped onto the bed. Her entire body spasmed as she dropped her head and fisted the bedspread, moaning in ecstasy.

My own release hit me with a crash as I pumped in and out of her tight channel. When my legs locked, a primal groan ripped from my chest as a frenzy of simultaneous explosions burst through my body. My toes curled and I gripped her hips as I experienced the most intense, earth-shattering release of my life.

When the final electrified pulse of satisfaction subsided, she collapsed on the bed and rolled over so that she was facing me. I lowered above her and she moved her legs so that they were wrapped around my lower back. My head was resting on her breast as she ran her fingers through my damp hair.

“Am I hurting you?” I asked, as I gasped for breath. I outweighed her by at least a hundred pounds, and the last thing I wanted to do was crush her.

“No. I like you like this,” she said softly.

“Good.” I wanted to stay in Julianna’s arms forever.

The question was: Is that what she wanted?

CHAPTER 32

Julianna

I can’t do it.

I’d thought that, after my little pep talk in the bathroom, I could handle being with Cole for one more night, but now, I knew I couldn’t.

We’d had sex two times after the shower, once in the kitchen while I’d been trying to cook dinner, and then, when dinner was over, Cole had said that he wanted me for dessert. That had led to the third encounter of the evening, after which Cole had fallen fast asleep.

I’d been lying wide awake next to him for the last hour, watching him sleep, and every minute that passed, my panic grew—as did my feelings. I couldn’t have him sleeping here in my bed. This was too personal.

I needed to make a clean break. Just like I’d always told Anthony, ripping a Band-Aid off was better than slowly peeling it back.

Moving out of Cole’s arms, I planned on getting out of bed, getting dressed in pajamas (read: putting on emotional armor), gathering his clothes (so I wouldn’t be distracted by his Adonis-like body), then waking him up and letting him know that I needed to get up early in the morning. Hopefully, he’d take the hint and I wouldn’t have to spell it out that I wanted him to leave.

Before I even made it to phase one of my plan, though, Cole’s arms tightened around me. “Where are you going?” he asked in a sleepy bedroom voice that shot straight between my legs.

Ignoring the tingles his rough voice had caused, I took a deep breath. “I was just going to put on some sweats.”

“Are you cold?” He pulled me closer to him and rolled to his side, slinging his leg over me, which brought my hip into direct contact with another part of his body that was very much awake and ready for round four.

No. I could not be distracted by that. I had to stay strong.

“Cole…”

“Hmm?” he whispered huskily as he pressed his lips to my neck.

Pleasure dripped through my body like warm honey. Closing my eyes, I started reasoning with myself that one more time wouldn’t hurt. If I just made sure he left after…

A little voice piped up that that wasn’t a good idea, and as much as I wanted to ignore said voice, I knew I couldn’t. In my heart, I knew it was time to rip off the Band-Aid.

Pushing up on my elbows, I rolled out from under Cole’s body and slid off the bed.

“What are you…?”

I didn’t even look back at him. I walked straight to my dresser and pulled out a shirt, underwear, and sweats. Being the quick-change artist I was, I was fully clothed in mere seconds. Then, taking a deep breath, I turned to face the music. The music in this case being a very nude Cole.

He’d sat up and swung his legs over the side of my bed, naked as a jaybird, his elbows rested on his knees. His expression did not look happy.

“Want to tell me what’s going on?”

No.

“Nothing,” I said dismissively as I started gathering up his clothes. “I just have to get up early in the morning to get things done before I pick up Anthony, and I do tend to oversleep when you and I spend the night together. So…”

After I grabbed his shirt and shorts, I tossed them in his direction. I knew that my behavior was ridiculous, but I was scared to get near him. If I did, I’d inevitably get sucked into his vortex of sexiness, and this was already one of the hardest things I’d ever had to do.

Not making any move to get dressed, Cole looked down at his clothes, which were lying on the floor in front of him, then back up at me. I couldn’t read what was going on behind his guarded expression. “We can set an alarm. Whatever you have to take care of, I can help.”

“No. You’re just…” I didn’t know how to handle this. I’d never been in this situation before—in an adult relationship, no matter how casual. “Too distracting. And besides, our deal ends tomorrow. There’s no reason to drag this out.” He winced at my words.

“Okay.” He took a deep breath. “I actually wanted to talk to you about that. I don’t want this to end tomorrow.”

“It has to,” I insisted.

“Why?” he countered.

Crossing my arms, I shifted on my feet. “Because. It does.”

“Why? I care about you, Julianna, and I know you care about me.”

Cole stood, and I backed up. When he saw me retreat, he stopped and his brow furrowed.

“What is this about? Why are you acting like this?”

“Can you just get dressed?” I pleaded as panic rose inside me.

Cole’s breaths were labored as he searched my eyes, but I was careful not to let anything I was really feeling show.

“Fine.” His jaw was tense and his muscles flexed as he hastily pulled his clothes on. When he was dressed, he looked at me with frustration and I saw a glimmer of anger brimming in his eyes. “What’s going on?”

It felt like a stab to the chest, not seeing him look at me like I was the best thing in the world.

Clearing my throat, I sensed tears forming behind my lids, and I knew that I needed to get him out of here before they overwhelmed me.

Trying my best to appear cold and detached, I shrugged. “Look, this was fun. But it’s over. We both knew that this arrangement had an expiration date.”

“That’s it. You’re going to stand there and act like this week meant nothing to you,” he said flatly, no emotion infused in his deep voice.

If he was pretending to be cold and detached, then he was doing a much better job of it than I was managing. When I didn’t answer him, his eyes softened as he sat back down on the side of the bed and raked his fingers through his thick, brown hair.

“I wanted to talk to you, not like this,” he let out a forced laugh. “But about us. I…I love you, Julianna, and I want—”

“Stop,” I said louder than I’d meant to. Shaking my head, I tried not to let the words he’d said penetrate my heart any deeper than they already had. My chest felt like an elephant was sitting on it. My throat felt like it was closing, but I strained to get the words out. “You think you love me, but you don’t. This is not my life. This was a vacation for me. I turned in my freak pass. My life is work, Anthony, and more work.”

“I know.” Cole stood and started towards me again.

“No.” I held up my hands defensively. “You don’t know. You’re a famous athlete. You’re rich. You have four cars, you live in the Hollywood hills, and you have no one to answer to. You got to go to college and follow your dreams.

“You don’t know what it’s like to have a child when you’re a child. To know that every decision you make affects that child’s life. You don’t know what it’s like to be two hundred dollars overdrawn on your bank account with an empty fridge, one piece of bread in the pantry, no gas, and a hungry baby that you have no idea how to feed.”

The tears started pouring down now, but I wasn’t scared or sad—I was mad. I was mad at my mom for abandoning me. I was mad at my aunt for kicking me out. I was mad at Jared for discarding me and his child. I was mad at Cole for thinking he knew even a fraction of what I’d been through or who I was.

“You’re right. I don’t know those things. But I want to be here for you. For you and Anthony,” Cole pleaded.

“Why?” This time it was my turn to let out a forced laugh. “What the fuck could you possibly get out of it? I told you. This”—I gestured to the bed—“is not me. I’m not some slut who bones guys with her son in the next room.”

“You think that’s what I want?” Cole’s expression was pained and angry. “After everything we… All the time we’ve spent together… Is that really what you think of me?”

No. I didn’t. But I knew that, if I wanted to end this, I needed to lie. And I needed to do it convincingly. So, mirroring Cole’s flat, emotionless tone, I wiped the tears off my face, stared right in his eyes, and lied through my teeth.

“Yes.”

Cole’s face went blank and he stood stock-still. “How can you think that?”

When my lip started quivering, I knew I needed to go in for the one-two punch before he saw me fall to pieces. “You should google yourself sometime. It’s very enlightening.”

I saw the light in Cole’s eyes extinguish. Without another word, he walked out of my room. A few seconds later, I heard the front door slam and I knew that he’d just walked out of my life. For good.

Standing in my room, I waited for the tears to continue flowing, for the pain to twist in my chest like a vise squeezing my heart. But all I felt was…nothing. I was completely numb.

When my phone buzzed, I walked like a zombie over to my bedside and picked it up.

Cole: Lock your door.

Those three words burst the dam of emotion inside me. Pain ripped through my chest as tears flowed down my face like Niagara Falls. After sliding down beside my bed, I pulled my knees to my chest and cried. I cried because my mom left me. I cried because my aunt had kicked me out on the street. I cried because the father of my baby legally disowned him the day he was born. And I cried because I’d fallen in love with someone I could never be with.

I cried until there were no more tears to cry. Then I picked myself up, walked to the door, and locked it. The lock clicked into place, and it felt final. Like closure.

Tomorrow, I’d pick Anthony up and put this week, this month, these six weeks behind me. My life would go on—even if my heart was broken.

CHAPTER 33

Julianna

WEEK EIGHT

Walking into the Legend Youth reception, I could feel Cole’s stare on me. I did my best to ignore it and him. Looking down at the simple black dress I was wearing, I felt a wave of self-consciousness, which I did my best to push down. It didn’t matter what I was wearing. Tonight was about Anthony and the other kids in the program. Not some soap opera that had played out.

“You okay, Mom?” Anthony asked as we made our way to the buffet line.

“Yep. Great,” I said with a smile I hoped was convincing.

“Anthony!” two boys called out as they motioned for him to come over.

“Go ahead,” I encouraged him. “Go hang out with your friends.”

“Are you sure?”

The questioning look in Anthony’s big, brown eyes made me feel like the worst mom in the world. He’d been named MVP of the program and received a citizenship award that had been voted on by the other participants. He should be celebrating, not worried about his mom.

“Abso-freakin-lutely!” I smiled.

“Okay,” he said with a small laugh before running toward the boys waiting by the large, wooden dance floor that was in the center of the room.

I took a deep breath as I picked up a plate at the end of the long line at the buffet table. It had been a week since Cole had left my room in the middle of the night. I’d barely slept. Barely ate. Barely functioned.

Around Anthony, I’d done my best to pretend that everything was fine, but like Cole had said, he was a smart kid. Nothing got past him. Luckily, what had happened between Cole and I hadn’t affected Cole and Anthony’s relationship. They’d talked and texted like nothing had changed.

The truth, which was starting to sink in, was that nothing had changed. I’d taken my little walk on the wild side, and now, things were back to normal. Cole hadn’t texted or called me—not that I’d expected or wanted him to.

Okay, that was a lie. I had wanted him to. But why?

Our situations were exactly the same this week as they’d been last week. We lived in two different worlds. Eventually, he’d get bored with playing house, and then what? Not only would I be trying to mend a broken heart, but Anthony would know what it was like to have a broken family instead of a single-parent one—which, while it wasn’t ideal, was stable.

“Hi.”

An attractive woman with kind eyes, who looked to be in her mid-forties, smiled as she stepped behind me in line.

“Hi.” I grinned back.

“I’m Hillary Carson, Cole’s mother. You must be Julianna.”

What the…?

“Um…yes. It’s nice to meet you, Mrs. Carson.”

“Hillary, please.”

My heart was racing, and I felt like I was a teenager caught sneaking out past curfew. I wasn’t sure why I was reacting like that. It wasn’t like Cole and I had done anything wrong. We were both consenting adults. It’d just taken me off guard that his mother knew anything about me, including my name.

“Have we met? Or umm…how did you know…?” I wasn’t sure of the socially acceptable way to ask someone how they knew who you were.

“Your name?” Hillary finished with a knowing smile.

I chuckled, thinking that, if this woman weren’t Cole’s mother, we’d get along really well.

“Well, I’ve been hearing about you for a while now, and my son hasn’t been able to take his eyes off you all night. So I put two and two together.”

Nodding, I smiled even though I felt like I was going to throw up. Cole had been talking to his mother about me? What had he told her? I knew that some people had really close relationships with their parents. Did that mean he’d told her about our week together? About my freak pass? Oh, shit! Did Cole’s mother know about my list?

“That Anthony is quite an amazing boy. You have an incredible son there,” Hillary said affectionately, as she looked toward where Anthony stood talking with his friends.

“Thank you. So do you.” The second the words came out of my mouth, I wished I could rewind time and not say them.

Hillary turned back to me, her smile widening. “I’m so glad you think so.”

“Oh no, it’s not like… I mean, Cole and I are just friends. Well, not even that, really. He’s just…” I shut my mouth. Every word I said sounded wrong. Apparently all Carson’s flustered me. It must be something in the bloodline.

Hillary placed her hand over mine and patted it twice. “Did you know that, when Cole was in middle school, they told me that he couldn’t play football?”

What? Cole had never told me that.

“No.” I shook my head.

“They did. They said that he was too small. ‘A runt,’ I think, was the coach’s exact term. And that, if I allowed him to play, he would get hurt. I’m sure, as a mother, you can understand that, after hearing that, I went home and told Cole that he couldn’t play. There was no way I was going to let him get hurt because of a game.”

I nodded in full agreement. I’d barely agreed to let Anthony play, and if anyone would’ve given me a reason not to, there was no way I would’ve let him.

“Well, as you can imagine, it did not go over well with Cole. He was furious. He argued with me, but I held my ground. He was a kid. I figured it was a phase. But after about a month, he was still miserable, and he was doing anything and everything he could to prove to me how responsible he was. That he was responsible enough to play.

“I went back to the coaches and asked if there was anything Cole could do so that he could safely play. They said they would allow him to be on the team, but until he put on weight and muscle, he would only run drills without pads.”

Hillary put her hand over her chest and her eyes grew misty. “I’ll never forget how hard he worked for the next two years. He kept up his grades, which was one of our agreements, and he was in the gym or studying playbooks every second he wasn’t doing homework or at school. Thankfully, he also hit a growth spurt and grew six inches between seventh and ninth grade. That certainly didn’t hurt.”

We both chuckled.

“Cole loves football. He knew, even at twelve, that it was where he belonged. I could see it in his eyes. I knew that it didn’t matter what he had to do. He’d do whatever it took so that he could play. Why do you think I added that he had to get good grades as one of the requirements for him to play?”

I smiled thinking that was a pretty G parenting move.

Once more, Hillary covered my hand. “That’s why I went back to talk to the coaches—because of the look I’d seen in my son’s eyes when he’d talked about football. Not because he was upset that he couldn’t play, or pouting about it, but because I saw that it was a part of him. It wasn’t a game to him. It was his life. His future. I hadn’t seen that look in my son’s eyes again—until you came into his life.”

I had no idea what to say to that. I wanted to argue, to say that Cole didn’t feel that way about me, but I didn’t think Hillary would appreciate that. Plus, Cole had said that he loved me. I just hadn’t wanted to hear it.

“Just food for thought,” Hillary said as she lifted her plate and moved to the opposite side of the buffet line.

My mind raced as I filled my own plate. I reminded myself that sometimes, mothers saw what they wanted to see. I knew I was probably guilty of that myself. Also, Cole might’ve felt something for me before last week, but after what I’d said to him, I was pretty sure he didn’t anymore.

I snuck a peek at Cole for the first time that night. He was standing with Coach Maddox, talking and drinking a beer. He didn’t seem to be pining away for me. If he ever had any real feelings for me at all, he appeared to be getting over them. And if that was the case, I only had one person to blame.

Me, myself, and I.

CHAPTER 34

Cole

“So, is this your idea of un-complicating things?” Maddox asked as he handed me a beer.

“What?” I took the bottle, which I needed. I was wound tight, and I hadn’t been able to take my eyes off Julianna all night. During the ceremony I’d missed the cue for my speech. They’d had to call my name twice.

But I just couldn’t help it. She looked amazing. My body ached for her. Not just in the sexual way, either. I missed her laugh, her voice, and her ability to make me forget the rest of the world, including football. When I was with her, I was just Cole, not Cole Carson, starting quarterback for the LA Legends.

Which was why what she’d said had affected me so much. Julianna had gone directly for the jugular. I’d been replaying our conversation all week, and I’d come to the conclusion that that had probably been her intention.

I hadn’t called, texted, e-mailed or stopped by to see her. Part of it, I was fully aware, was because I was licking my wounds. I’d never really thought that I had a big ego, but apparently, I did. The other part was that I wanted to give her time to think—and to miss me. If what we had was really what I thought it was, then she’d been as miserable as I had this week.

So many times since I’d walked out of her condo seven days ago, I’d picked up the phone to call her. The whole week when I’d been texting with Anthony, I’d been tempted to ask about her. But I hadn’t. Maybe if I hadn’t known that I’d be seeing her tonight, I would’ve caved. Having a timeline until the next time I knew I’d see her gorgeous face had been the only thing that had kept me strong.

I took another swig of my beer as Maddox shook his head and let out a long, loud, disappointed sigh. “I tell you that she’s off-limits and you start something with her. I tell you to un-complicate things and you send your mom over to talk to her?”

“I didn’t send her over there.”

I’d invited my mom to this event after the first night I’d spent with Julianna. My big plan was being that it’d be a no-pressure way for them to meet. After last Friday night, I’d tried to uninvite my mom, but that hadn’t gone too well. When Hillary Carson made up her mind to do something, there was no talking her out of it.

“What happened with you guys? Seriously. You’ve been like the walking dead this week.”

“Nothing,” I snapped.

“Right.” Maddox nodded. “Nothing.”

I didn’t know what to say. I didn’t know what I was doing. I didn’t know how to fix this. If I did, I’d be with Julianna right now, not gawking at her from across the room.

“Well, just a piece of friendly advice—not that you’ll take it. You need to handle that nothing before the season starts.” Maddox’s tone had turned serious, and I knew that my friend’s advice was not only friendly but also professional.

I nodded, knowing he was right. If I didn’t get the shit in my personal life straightened out, it would affect my game.

If I wanted to fix this, I needed to take action. I needed to read the defense and come up with a play.

So, after a quick trip to the DJ booth, I made my way over to the table Julianna was at, which was filled with other parents of kids in the program.

“Hey.” I placed my hand on her shoulder, and just the feel of her soft skin sent a lightning bolt of sensation shooting up my arm.

Julianna jumped in surprise beneath my touch. Then she spun around and met my gaze.

I held out my hand. “Dance with me.” It wasn’t a question.

“I just got my food,” she said nervously as she gestured to her plate, which hardly had any food on it, but none of it was touching.

Other than my left brow rising in challenge, I didn’t respond to her excuse.

“Fine,” Julianna agreed, although she didn’t look happy about it or take my hand.

As we wove our way through the white linen covered tables, our bodies kept coming into contact as we tried to avoid chairs and people. I could see by the pink flush rising up her chest that it was affecting her as much as it was me. When I rested my hand on her lower back to guide her through the maze, the feeling that I had everything I could ever want or need in the palm of my hand swelled up in me again.

Several other couples were dancing, but the floor was fairly empty. The second our feet hit the wood, right on cue, Bell Biv DeVoe’s “Poison” started playing. Julianna whipped around so fast to look up at me that her hair slapped my shoulder as it fanned out. She was smiling from ear to ear.

“You didn’t.”

“I did,” I confirmed as I grabbed her hand, spun her out, and then brought her back again. “You looked like you needed a dance party.”

Before the first chorus even started, half the room was on their feet and joining us on the dance floor. There were people shoulder to shoulder. Apparently, Julianna was not the only fan of ’90s hip hop.

When the second song began, recognition dawned on Julianna’s face. “Is this your playlist?” she asked loudly to be heard over the music.

I nodded as I busted out my Running Man. Several of my teammates were doing much better Kid N’ Play Kicks than I’d ever been able to master. Looking around at the dance floor, I saw that everyone seemed to be having a good time. Even the kids were busting a move.

Julianna danced. Laughed. And I watched her while I tried to keep up.

When the music slowed and the first notes of Keith Sweat’s “I’ll Give All My Love To You” drifted through the air, I pulled her into me. She wrapped her arms around my neck and sighed as her body molded to mine. When she rested her head against my chest, I knew I needed to talk to her, but I was afraid to break the spell we both seemed to be under.

“I’ve missed you,” I whispered as I kissed the top of her hair.

“I’ve missed you, too.”

I could barely hear her over the music, especially since she wasn’t looking up at me, but that didn’t change the fact that my soul had heard the words loud and clear. As we moved in silence together, my hands ran up and down her back. Trying to talk to her out here was not going to happen, so I hoped she felt what I was attempting to communicate.

That hope was smashed like a plate at a Greek wedding when I felt Julianna’s body tense and she pulled away from me, not meeting my stare.

“I’m sorry, Cole. I can’t do this.”

“Why?” I didn’t want to let her go until she answered me.

Then her golden-brown eyes lifted and I saw the look of misery and panic in them. Dropping my arms, I watched as she walked quickly off the dance floor. The second I was no longer holding her, I felt lost and alone. Alone in a room full of people I knew and lost at a stadium that was the only place that had ever felt like home until I met her.

If Julianna was going to walk out of my life for good, there was nothing I could do about it. But that wasn’t going to stop me from trying.

CHAPTER 35

Julianna

WEEK TEN

I twisted my hair nervously and tapped my foot on the floor as I sat on the edge of my bed, staring at my phone. I hadn’t put it down since I’d sent Cole my text. So far, there’d been no response. I knew he was leaving for training camp later today, and there was a pretty good chance that he was already gone.

Two hours ago, I’d texted him saying that I’d lied when I said all those horrible things. I told him that I knew he wasn’t that kind of man. I told him that what we had was real and I was an idiot. I told him that I loved him. I said that I was scared, but I wanted to give us a chance. My heart sank at the thought that maybe my confession was too little, too late.

Over the two weeks since the awards reception, where I’d freaked out on the dance floor. Cole had been texting and calling a few times every day. Most of his messages had been funny and creative ways to let me know that he was thinking of me and missed me.

He’d sent a meme of the comedy and tragedy masks with the words “My Life With Julianna and Anthony” in a ribbon above the comedy mask and the words “My Life Without Julianna and Anthony” in a ribbon over the tragedy mask. He’d sent funny texts that said things like, “Just in case you were wondering…I love you.” And he’d even sent a fake news story titled, “Breaking News: Cole Carson Found Love with Julianna Perez.” Then there were several paragraphs in the article that was our story. He’d also left a voice message that said that he would wait as long as it took, until I was ready to stop being scared. Then another in which he sounded miserable where he’d just asked me to call him back.

Some of his texts and messages had made me laugh. Some had made me cry. But I hadn’t answered any of them. Until two hours ago.

After setting the phone down, I dumped the pile of laundry on my bed and tried to stop obsessing over waiting for Cole to text me back. As I picked up one of Anthony’s shirts, I wondered if this was how Cole had felt when I hadn’t responded to him. That thought made me sick to my stomach.

Me not answering Cole had had nothing to do with him and everything to do with me. That night on the dance floor, when Cole had pulled me into his arms, it hadn’t just been my body that had responded to him. It had been my soul, my mind, and my heart. With one dance, all of the sadness, fear, and worry I’d been feeling had disappeared.

That had freaked me out enough in and of itself, but when I’d opened my eyes and seen Cole’s teammates, his mother, and Anthony and his friends watching us, I’d felt so on display. I was so embarrassed. I knew I looked ridiculous.

I’d had flashes of finding myself on those sites I’d seen Cole on with other women and I’d panicked. I was making a fool out of myself and the worst part was I was dragging Anthony along for the ride.

The walls had felt like they’d been closing in on me. When I’d gotten back to my table, I’d looked through my purse to see if I had a paper bag to breathe into. Luckily, my hyperventilation passed and Anthony and I left soon after the dancing incident. The only thing Anthony had asked me on the way home was if I was okay, since then he hadn’t brought it up again.

I knew that he’d been in contact with Cole, but he hadn’t mentioned him again.

After I finished folding a pile of shirts, I checked my phone again even though I’d promised myself I wouldn’t. No missed calls. No texts.

Picking up a pile of scrubs, I tried not to think about the possibility that taking the time I needed to figure things out had cost me the best thing—besides Anthony—that’d ever happened to me.

After days and weeks of trying to figure out why I’d been so against trying any kind of relationship with Cole, it had been an early morning porch session with Megan that had finally made me see what the problem was.

Fear. That was what all of my “reasons” for not being with Cole were based on. Fear that he’d get bored. Fear that he’d hurt me and, by association, Anthony. Fear that he’d leave.

Megan had faithfully listened to me go on and on while I’d detailed every reason we could not be together, most of which centered on Anthony and wanting to create a stable life for him. Then she finally asked me if living a life making fear-based decisions was really the example I wanted to set for my son.

Before I’d even had a chance to process that pearl of wisdom, Megan had hit me with a one-two punch and said that, no matter what happened between me and Cole, Anthony would be fine because he’d always have his mom. Nothing would ever change that. I was Anthony’s stability no matter what the circumstances.

That little “aha” moment had happened at sunrise that morning, and when Anthony woke up, I asked him what he thought about me dating. He’d said that he just wanted me to be happy. I explained that sometimes things don’t work out and I was worried about people coming in and out of his life. He said that if I was happy, he’d be happy, and if someone left or it didn’t work out, we’d get through it together, with dance parties. Then he changed the subject to something much more pressing, a raise in his allowance.

Since that conversation, I’d written and rewritten about forty versions of the text I’d finally sent to Cole. Two hours ago.

“Mom!” Anthony yelled as he ran into my room out of breath from playing outside. “Can I see your phone? I need to add some stuff to the list.”

“Yeah.” I picked up my phone, which had zero alerts of any missed messages, and handed it to my son.

He typed for a few seconds and then threw the device on the bed before running out of my room, saying over his shoulder, “Thanks, Mom!”

“What do we have to get?” I called after him, but he didn’t answer.

Oh, well. At least he was actually adding to the list now instead of just telling me what he needed. If I could only have one of the two, I’d definitely take the latter.

Picking up my phone, I scrolled down my list and saw the entries Anthony had added. One said, “Go to the living room.” The second said, “Pick a ring.”

“Anthony?” I called out as I walked out of my room and down the hall. “What is this? Why do you need a rin—”

The phone slipped from my hand when I saw Cole in my living room on one knee, holding a black jewelry board with four incredible rings on it. Behind him stood Anthony, Megan, Cameron, Robbie—who was holding Chloe—and Cole’s mother, Hillary, who was standing with a middle-aged man I’d never seen before.

“What is…? What are you…? What the…?” I couldn’t breathe. My legs were shaking like leaves, and my hands were trembling uncontrollably.

“Sooooo, I got your text.” Cole grinned, his sexy bad-boy grin. “Sorry I didn’t get a chance to text you back. I was busy.” He motioned behind him. Then he reached into his pocket, pulled out his phone, and touched the screen.

A second later, my phone buzzed on the ground. Glancing down, I picked it up as tears filled my bottom lids and a smile spread across my face.

Cole: I love you, too. As far as trying to be together, I have one condition. Marry me.

I put my hand over my mouth as I lifted my head and looked into Cole’s emerald-green eyes.

“I’ve never been a huge romantic. In fact, I’ve never understood songs like “When a Man Loves a Woman” or “She’s Everything.” I always thought that when men declared their undying love to someone or said that they couldn’t live without them, it was cheesy and they were just saying it because that’s what they were supposed to say. I thought it was an exaggeration.

“Not even for one second did I think someone could actually feel the things that love songs were sung about…until you walked into my life, my heart, and my soul. Julianna Perez, you are my love song.

“I love you. I know that your life has not been easy, and I can’t promise that everything is always going to be perfect, but I’ve heard I make a pretty good teammate.”

Anthony laughed, and the rest of the room chuckled.

“I promise that I will live every day being the best husband and the best father I can be. I’m all in. You and Anthony are my life. These past few weeks without you have been the most miserable of my life. So I was wondering if you would make me the happiest man on earth and let me put a ring on it. Julianna Perez. Will. You. Marry. Me?”

“Yes,” I squeaked out. “Yes, I’ll marry you.”

The room exploded in cheers, and Cole was on his feet and had me in his arms before I’d even gotten the second yes out. Then he spun me around and held me so tight that I couldn’t breathe. But that didn’t matter. All that mattered was that Cole was here, he loved me and Anthony, and I was going to be his wife.

As he set me down, I looked up at him. “I can’t believe… How did you… This was…”

“Good?” Cole asked, his eyes shining with tears as he brushed back strands of hair that had fallen in my face.

“Good.” I nodded, smiling the biggest I’d ever smiled, as tears flowed from my eyes.

For the first time in my life, with Cole by my side, I knew that my, and Anthony’s, future was…good.

EPILOGUE

Julianna

WEEK TWELVE

The tap, tap, tap of my heel on the hardwood floor echoed off the walls. I sat staring at a reflection that I barely recognized in front of a vanity mirror that had been set up in the media room at Cole’s—and now Anthony’s and my—house. Twisting my hair, I bit my inner lip as I tried my best to quiet the noise that was in my head.

Today was my wedding day. The day I’d never dreamed of as a little girl, and as an adult never really believed would come, was here. Cole and I were having a small, intimate ceremony in the backyard. Cole had wanted to do something bigger, and I didn’t want the fuss and just wanted to go to the courthouse, so we’d reached a middle ground. We’d both learned the art of compromise in our time together.

Everything over the last three months had happened at warp speed. It was twelve weeks ago to the day that I’d met Cole. Once he proposed and I’d accepted, he’d basically put us on a bullet train speeding toward the aisle. I’d quickly learned that once Cole Carson, who would be my husband in the next hour, wanted something, he put blinders on and plowed through any and every obstacle that stood in his way. I’d always been a take things slow kind of gal. I needed to analyze, take my time, process.

Somehow though, as fast as time had flown by, I felt like I’d known my soon-to-be husband for a lifetime. It seemed impossible, but it was my reality. Cole was my other half, and as of yesterday he was legally Anthony’s adopted father. Cole had insisted that he didn’t just want to be Anthony’s stepfather by default because he married me. He wanted to legally be his father—in addition to marrying me. His argument was that Anthony would always know Cole chose to be his father, just like he was choosing to be my husband. I’d agreed but thought that I’d be a nervous wreck handing over half of my rights as a parent to Cole. That hadn’t been the case. The second I’d written my signature on the document, a flash flood of relief had washed over me.

Anthony didn’t just have a new dad, he had grandparents. A family. Those were two things that I’d never dreamed that I could give my son. Hillary and Ralph had been at the courthouse when the lawyer had filed the adoption papers. They’d celebrated, and taken pictures and we all went out to lunch afterwards.

Yesterday I’d been as calm as could be. Today, I was a basket case.

“Put the hair down,” Megan said slowly, imitating the way that cop shows depicted police officers saying ‘put the gun down.’

I let out a nervous laugh as I unwound my finger from my hair. I could see my friend standing in the doorway in the reflection of the mirror. Megan was wearing a coral, strapless tea length dress and her curly blonde hair was pulled up in a loose bun on top of her head. Our wedding party consisted of Megan, who was my matron of honor and Samuel Maddox, who was Cole’s best man.

“You look like beyond gorgeous.” Tears filled Megan’s eyes as she walked into the room. When she reached me, she began fixing the mess that my nervous habit had made of the soft curls flowing around my shoulders. “But, you’re going to be walking down the aisle with dreads if you keep up this twisting.”

“I know.” I wasn’t sure where all of my anxiety was coming from.

Setting my hands on the wood tabletop of the vanity, I saw that they were shaking.

“Hey sweetie, I just wanted to pop in real quick and say hi before all of the excitement.” Hillary entered and shut the door quietly before she crossed to us. When she did, she leaned down and embraced me in an all-encompassing hug.

I held onto her and realized that the Carsons’ hugging ways were really beginning to grow on me. I’d never been a big hugger, except with Anthony, but there really was something comforting about the gesture that I was discovering I loved.

Pulling back, Hillary looked right into my eyes asking sincerely, “How are you doing? Really?”

I felt tears start to pool and I sensed concern that was radiating from Hillary.

“Overwhelmed,” I answered in a shaky breath.

A knowing expression crossed Hillary’s face. “I know how you feel. I had so many jitters that I almost didn’t make it down the aisle when I married Ralph.”

“What?” From what I’d seen, Ralph and Hillary were like peanut butter and jelly. I couldn’t imagine what could’ve caused Hillary to have second thoughts. “Why?”

“It just seemed so scary to tie my life to someone. Giving anyone any kind of control was unthinkable to me.”

“How did you…what did you…”

Hillary’s lips turned up in a smile as she glanced downwards. “When the panic took hold, I was about to call the whole thing off and I sat down and thought about what that would look like the following morning, and all the mornings after that, if I walked away from Ralph. And I realized that having total control of everything in my life, even though it was what I was used to, was isolating and lonely. When it came down to it, going to bed alone, waking up alone, and going through life alone was not what I wanted. Not when I had a man that I loved and trusted who was waiting to make me his wife.”

Her explanation hit me like a punch in the gut. The truth was I couldn’t imagine spending my life without Cole. As terrified as I was about tying my life to someone else, the alternative was unthinkable.

“Anyway, enough about me. Do you have something borrowed and blue?” Hillary asked.

“Oh…um, no.” I hadn’t even thought about that. In all of my wedding lists, I’d totally spaced on the something old, something new, something borrowed, something blue. My dress and shoes were new but I didn’t have anything borrowed or blue.

“Well…” Hillary reached into her small handbag and pulled out a tattered piece of baby blue material. “This is the last piece of Cole’s baby blanket, the one that I took him home from the hospital in. I wore it in my shoe on my wedding day, as my something blue, to remind me how far I’d come, and I thought you might want to wear it, too, on loan as your borrowed, blue, and old.”

I nodded as a single tear fell down my cheek. I slipped off my shoe and slid the cotton square in. As soon as I did I felt an overwhelming sense of rightness. Anthony wasn’t the only one gaining a family, I was too.

The door opened, “Ready, Mom? It’s time.” Anthony stopped in the doorway and his jaw dropped. “Wow, you look really pretty.”

“Thanks, bud,” I stood up and turned toward my son. He was wearing a dark gray suit and I couldn’t believe how grown up he looked. He’d grown at least two inches over the summer and was now as tall as me. “You look so handsome.”

Megan and Hillary said their goodbyes and rushed to take their spots at the ceremony.

I took a deep breath as I stole one last look in the full-length mirror. My eyes traveled down the strapless white floor length gown with lace overlay that I was wearing. My hair flowed loosely around my shoulders and I wore a simple diamond pendant and stud earrings.

“Ready?” Anthony asked for a second time, his voice filled with excitement.

“Yes.” I wrapped my fingers around my son’s elbow.

Before we walked down the small hallway that led to the double doors we would be walking out of onto the deck, Anthony stopped. “Mom, it’s okay, you don’t have to worry.”

“I know.” I relaxed my face and stopped biting my lip as I assured my son, “I’m not worried.”

Tilting his head to the side, he gave the look he always did when he wasn’t convinced of what I was saying.

“I’m not.” I insisted. I wasn’t just trying to make Anthony believe it, I was trying to make myself get on board the ‘everything’s fine’ train as well.

Anthony grinned and pulled out his phone.

“Anthony what are—”

He pressed a button and the beginning notes of Bell Biv Devoe’s “Poison” came through a small speaker. “Cole told me to play this, in case of emergency.”

Anthony smiled as he took my hand and spun me around before breaking out his new favorite move since Cole had taught it to him, the Running Man. I laughed as I watched my son kicking his legs back and every fear and worry evaporated instantly. “Okay, I’m ready.”

Anthony’s big brown eyes stared at mine, searching for several seconds before he shut off the music and replaced his phone in his pocket. As he offered me his elbow again, I confidently and without any hesitation, wrapped my fingers around his arm.

When we stepped out the double doors and I saw Cole standing at the end of the short aisle, all of the air left my lungs. He wore a black suit with a dark gray tie. His signature bad boy scruff covered his pretty boy face. But it wasn’t his devastatingly sexy appearance that took my breath away. It was the look in his expressive green eyes. The one that told me I was his, and he was mine. The look that connected us more than any piece of paper saying that we were legally bound ever would.

The rest of the world slipped away as Anthony escorted me down the aisle to Cole.

“Who gives this woman to this man?” the officiant asked.

“I do,” Anthony dutifully answered as he placed my hand in Cole’s.

A tear slipped down my face as I leaned over and kissed Anthony’s cheek before he took his place next to Coach Maddox.

When I turned and faced Cole, I saw that I wasn’t the only one who was emotional. Cole’s eyes were watery as he breathed, “God, you look beautiful.”

I just beamed up at him, not trusting myself to speak.

Moving closer to me, he whispered, “Did the dance party help?”

I nodded and the tears formed again as I realized that Cole knew me. Really knew me, and loved me, flaws and all. No matter what life brought our way, we’d face it. Together. It wasn’t all on me anymore. I had a teammate. A soul mate. A forever-mate.

The End

Playing Dirty

Stay tuned for

Sam Maddox and Josie Walsh’s story in

Playing Dirty

Coming Spring of 2020

A Note From Melanie and Shawna

Hello party people!

Melanie and I (you do not need to adjust your screens there are two of us and we’re sisters!) LOVE getting to know our readers so make sure to connect with us on our Facebook page and join us in our reader group: Club HEA with Melanie Shawn where we hang out, talk about our love (read: obsession) of not only books and life, fitness (or lack thereof, lol), kiddos, friendships, love, food, the daily grind, wine and other adult beverages, and encourage the sharing of hero inspiration in the form of hot guy pics.

We hope you enjoyed book one in our Playing the Game series. I have a special place in my heart for Anthony who I named after a boy I used to babysit (who is now a grown man with two children, cue: tears). We loved writing Julianna and Cole’s tale of happily-ever-after and we hope you enjoyed reading it.

Check out their playlist below: (yes, it’s all 90s R&B because that is Julianna’s jams!)

That’s the Way Love Goes – Janet Jackson

All My Life – K-Ci & JoJo

I’ll Give All My Love To You – Keith Sweat

I Will Always Love You – Whitney Houston

Save the Best For Last – Vanessa Williams

Get Here – Oleta Adams

Again – Janet Jackson

Love Takes Time – Mariah Carey

Let’s Chill – Guy

I’m Ready – Tevin Campbell

I’ll Make Love To You – Boyz II Men

If I Ever Fall In Love – Shai

And to keep up with all our new releases, sales, and general book (and life) shenanigans make sure to sign up for our newsletter!

And as always we wish you love, laughter, and happily ever after!

Shawna & Melanie

Other Titles by Melanie Shawn

THE CROSSROADS SERIES

My First
My First – Book 1

My Last
My Last – Book 2

My Only
My Only – Book 3

My Everything
My Everything – Book 4

Tempting Love
Tempting Love – Book 5

Crazy Love
Crazy Love – Book 6

Actually Love
Actually Love – Book 7

Fairytale Love
Fairytale Love – Book 8

My Love
My Love – Novella 8.5

All He Wants
All He Wants – Book 9

All He Needs
All He Needs – Book 10

All He Feels
All He Feels – Book 11

All He Desires
All He Desires – Book 12

Just One Night
Just One Night – Book 13

Just One Kiss
Just One Kiss – Book 14

THE HOPE FALLS SERIES

Sweet Reunion
Sweet Reunion – #1

Sweet Harmonies
Sweet Harmonies – #2

Sweet Victory
Sweet Victory – #3

Home Sweet Home
Home Sweet Home – #4

One Sweet Day
One Sweet Day – Novella #4.5

Snow Angel
Snow Angel – #5

Snow Days
Snow Days – #6

Snowed In
Snowed In – #7

Let It Snow
Let It Snow – #8

Perfect Kiss
Perfect Kiss – #9

Secret Kiss
Secret Kiss – #10

Magic Kiss
Magic Kiss – #11

Lucky Kiss
Lucky Kiss – #12

Christmas Wish
Christmas Wish – Holiday Novella #12.5

Fire and Love
Fire and Love – #13

Fire and Foreplay
Fire and Foreplay – #14

Fire and Romance
Fire and Romance – #15

Fire and Temptation
Fire and Temptation – #16

WISHING WELL, TEXAS SERIES

Teasing Destiny
Teasing Destiny – Book 1

Convincing Cara
Convincing Cara – Book 2

Discovering Harmony
Discovering Harmony – Book 3

Taming Travis
Taming Travis – Book 4

Claiming Colton
Claiming Colton – Book 5

Trusting Bryson
Trusting Bryson – Book 6

Seducing Sawyer
Seducing Sawyer – Book 7

Unwrapping Jade
Unwrapping Jade – Book 8

STEAMY WEEKENDS SERIES

Charming Cupid
Charming Cupid

Seducing Cinderella
Seducing Cinderella

Resisting Romeo
Resisting Romeo

VALENTINE BAY SERIES

Protecting My Heart
Protecting My Heart – Book 1

Rescuing His Heart
Rescuing His Heart – Book 2

Rocking Her Heart
Rocking Her Heart – Book 3

Playing By Heart
Playing By Heart – Book 4

Unbreak My Heart
Unbreak My Heart – Book 5

WHISPER LAKE SERIES

Whisper of Love
Whisper of Love – Book 1

Whisper of Surrender
Whisper of Surrender – Book 2

Whisper of Attraction
Whisper of Attraction – Book 3

Whisper of Temptation
Whisper of Temptation – Book 4

About the Author

Melanie Shawn is the writing team of sister duo Melanie and Shawna. Originally from Northern California, they both migrated south and now call So Cal their home.

Growing up, Melanie constantly had her head in a book and was always working on short stories, manuscripts, plays and poetry. After graduating magna cum laude from Pepperdine University, she went on to teach grades 2nd through 8th for five years. She now spends her days writing and taking care of her furry baby, a Lhasa Apso named Hercules. In her free time, her favorite activity is to curl up on the couch with that stubborn, funny mutt and binge-watch cable TV shows on DVD (preferably of at least eight seasons in length – a girl’s gotta have her standards!).

Shawna always loved romance in any form – movie, song or literary. If it was a love story with a happy ending, Shawna was all about it! She proudly acknowledges that she is a romanceaholic. Her days are jam-packed with writing, being a wife, mom aka referee of two teens, and indulging in her second passion (dance!) as a Zumba instructor. In the little free time she has, she joins Melanie in marathon-watching DVDs of their favorite TV programs.

They have joined forces to create a world where True Love and Happily Ever After always has a Sexy Twist!

You can keep up with all the latest Melanie Shawn news, including new releases and contests, at:

melanieshawn.com

and

facebook.com/melanieshawnbooks